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Comebacks & One-Upsmanship

July 27, 2019
5 upvotes

Hey everyone. I got a question. I hope you have answers.

I've noticed I have a habit of trying to one-up my wife in conversation. She'll make a playful, snide remark about something ("At least someone finally fixed the dishwasher!" meaning me), and I feel the impulse to make a comeback comment, to "win" the conversation, it feels like.

However, I've noticed that more than half the time, my comments are stupid. I don't score the point I'm going for, and I end up later thinking of way better things I could have said. Worst of all, if I don't nail it, I totally lose frame for the moment.

I've been doing this for years.

Right now, I'm experimenting with simply smiling and STFU when these comments come my way. My aim is to appreciate that she's being playful while not risking losing the frame. I'll very occasionally still get one in, when the timing and situation are in my favor. Otherwise, it's silence and smiles.

What do you guys recommend? Any other competitive (read: insecure, I think?) extroverts try to win these games every time?

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Post Information
Title Comebacks & One-Upsmanship
Author CarelessBowler5
Upvotes 5
Comments 24
Date July 27, 2019 11:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/comebacks-one-upsmanship.247080
https://theredarchive.com/post/247080
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ciovbv/comebacks_oneupsmanship/
Red Pill terms in post
Comments

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have a simple catch all for shit tests I don't have an answer to, it's the equivalent of stfu but I just say "You are so fucking cute!" And slap her ass. It works 60% of the time all the time.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, fatherly condescension is a good default if you have nothing better.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Three days ago, you posted about fixing that dishwasher.

About fucking time you finished it.

[–]CarelessBowler5[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ended up replacing it.

Jeez the accountability is on point around here.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ended up replacing it.

Good.

You're still a fucking pussy though. If something is broke, you fix it. You don't look to Mommy for approval, you don't look to Mommy for praise, you don't get into a game of oneupmanship about it... you just fix the fucking thing.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Her: "At least someone finally fixed the dishwasher!"

Call on the old joke about the first thing men would do if all women disappeared...

You: "Yeah, now if I can get it to suck my dick you're outta here!"

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

STFU until you have AM down. Likely won't be for a long time.

"Somone finally fixed the dishwasher!"

"Yeah, they did. I'm glad you're happy about it... if you play your cards right I might just give you the fix you need later". Smirk. Slapass. Walk away.

[–]Cmvplease20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is an excellent response. A lot of these other responses are still trying to one up and are unattractive.

[–]useful_stranger2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Trying to win in the first place is your problem. So at this (basic) level you’re at, don’t even think about to say to “win” or score a point or a come-back. The fact that you’re thinking about it, that it bothers you and that you worry about whether you win or score means you’ve lost already. Doesn’t matter what you say.

You must change something inside you. As you said, you’ve played this for years and you’ve conditioned yourself (or she did) for her to be your arbiter and judge you. Congrats- you live in her frame.

Do the work, get busy on your mission, and all these snide side comments will seem like child’s play. That’s what they are.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

STFU for now. Later, you can work in A&A and AM. You have to show her you DNGAF about what she thinks, and eventually you will not GAF

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don’t always have to answer.

Fact, operating/living in your frame actually makes it easy to respond to a shit test, or not

Part of the problem, is forcing the issue. When you are satisfied you are drilling down your mission, it becomes more than evident that “one ups mans hip” and “witty comebacks” are grossly weak. In other words you are operating in her frame.

Drill down your mission, side bar, lift, OYS, learn to operate wholly in your frame and see it flowing (off the tip of your tongue)

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

+1

Acting like you didn't hear it can be better than the best comeback.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like you have problems with banter. This is a particular type of humor, and is a practiced skill, for which you need good examples. Have you thought of getting joke books, watching YouTube videos of one-liners and zingers, things like that? Do you have friend you talk shit with? Verbal fluency exercises might help you as well.

[–]RP_PO1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just revert back to something sexual. “Yup, gonna fill it up with dirty dishes next. Only thing left on my list for today is tearing filling that ass up later with some dick”. Shitty retort, but just own it, dont DEER, and make it sexual. Be less of a fag

Edit: the more you do this, the less of a “chore” it becomes, and the more natural it is. Just AA/AM

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AdorableHyena0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Look deeper into the reason why you have this urge to win. Were you often not taken serously in your childhood? Was your brother smarter? Did you have to live up to unrealistic expectations from your dad?

Realise that this situation is in the past. You're an adult now and your own judge. You don't have to impress anyone or live up to anyone's expectations other than your own. Their opinions don't phase you at all, so why bother winning? You've already won the moment you decide that what you are doing or knowing is the right way. Laugh about anything that contradicts you. Internalize that and you'll never feel the need to win again, STFU and AM/AA becomes natural.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

“least someone finally fixed the dishwasher”

Yep, the sexy repairman is here now, pull out your cock and whipping it around. Is there anything else that needs fixing? Grind, ass slap, walk away.

“experimenting with simply smiling and STFU”

No.... faggots do that.

It’s a fitness test- Cocky funny response and move on.

[–]Bits2Bits0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Personally, if my wife said that, I would see it as a thank you on her part. She's telling you that you are manly indirectly, stop winning and fuck her, you sperglord!

[–]redninja77Fat, but working on it0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been doing the same thing lately after starting mrp and trying to be more alpha. In the past I pretty much always let her win these things. Part of being a nice guy I think.

I've been combining with STFU and more careful not to lose frame so I think I've been "winning' more of them.

But I think I've been also going Rambo with it a lot of the time and probably hurting things. I decided recently I'm going to just purely STFU until I reach my next weight goal.

Today she said something pretty rude in front ofy daughter even and I just laughed and STFU. Pretty hard to do.

I'm early in my mrp journey so I think that as I build physical frame and slowly build mental frame I'll be able to do AM better and STFU slightly less.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When you have frame, disrepect isn't allowed and you can set a boundary. Today during a road trip wife got a little lippy. She recognized her tone and disrespect and promptly apologized for her behavior. She apologized to me and the kids, their reply "We don't care." They are still a bunch of dicks, work to be done.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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