Get Busy! (Absence for Noobs: You might be doing it wrong)

November 28, 2016

Some of us, especially early after discovering the pill (but not internalizing it yet), tend to see RP tenants through BluePill eyes. This is especially true with building dred through absence,


A recent MRP post included this gem:

"I plan to keep my distance from her for the rest of the week. But does that just show more butthurt? or should I act like I don't care what she said and continue as normal."

Keeping absent because she hurt your feelings or rejected you is a feminine technique. We're trying to become better men and more masculine. Of course it shows butthurt!

But I thought you said be absent?

Absence is fine if you actually have things to do. Especially things that add value to your life and especially your family by extension.

So replace Demonstration of Low Value (DLVs like sitting on the couch watching TV, or playing video games) with High Value Activities.

Sometimes, to the noob, coming up with things to do is hard. Our whole world revolves around her. So here are some options:

  • Walk the dog

  • Feed the dog

  • No dog? Get a dog

  • Lift

  • Not a member of a gym? Join a gym

  • Build your home gym from home

  • Measure your weight on a scale

  • No scale? Buy a scale!

  • Go out and buy new clothes. Money is a problem? Go Thrift-store shopping. (You can get weights cheap too.) Ask if she wants anything on your way out.

  • Do something active with your kids. Don't just take 'em to the park, teach 'em a new game. For little ones, I spy. For older ones, ice skating. Unique Experiences.

  • Rake the yard / Mow the Lawn / Prune Trees

  • Go read a book on improvement by yourself in a different room

  • The Home Improvement Project you've been putting off

  • Run to the store to get something for the project (Just don't go 8 times per day and look like you can't plan.)

  • No project? Get a project. Painting is reasonably easy.

  • Clean your personal space. Stop being a slob.

  • Home repair. Replace burned-out light bulbs. Fix broken things.

  • Winterize the lawn mower. Get the snow blower out of storage. Get the shovels out of storage and some ice melt.

  • Wash the car or Change the oil in the car.

  • Cook yourself a snack or meal. No, not microwave soup. Nothing processed. If you have no skills, make a grilled cheese sandwich, or better yet, BLT. No bacon or tomato? Run to the store.

  • Go shooting. (No gun? Buy a rifle. Wimp? Get a .22 bolt action.)

  • Go for a walk

Don't get confused - sitting around is DLV.

It doesn't matter if you are reading sidebar on your notebookPC, reading askMRP or putting together a family budget, it sure looks like screwing around on the internet. If you want to work on those things, do them in private, on your lunch break, etc.


Ordering parts for your private gym on amazon? DLV

Building a private gym that arrived in the mail? DHV

Out of Scope:

This examples here are not social, they are not a hobby that builds value (besides home improvement and maybe the rifle). Of course, Once you have actually done something, schedule some guy time. Coffee or breakfast is easy. Then consider a social event, etc. 12 steps of dred will help you here.

The point of these is to get noobs in the habit of being busy, of getting things done for themselves, not to please someone else, and to kill sloth and slobbery. Of course you should think about your mission, etc, but sometimes, you just need motion to create some inertia.

Conclusion and the Punchline:

Become a better man. Stop screwing around and get busy.

If you do that, you will naturally implement absence and STFU. But it will be the right kind of absence and STFU "I want to get the leaves done by ten so I can have time to lift before lunch" - covertly pointing out the argument is taking you away from things worth doing - if you bother to say it at all.


Find 5 things you can just do that are worth doing. Post them here.

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Post Information
Title Get Busy! (Absence for Noobs: You might be doing it wrong)
Author logger1234
Upvotes 20
Comments 41
Date November 28, 2016 3:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
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