GF throwing comfort test. I'm not good at these.

RuleZeroDAD · 2018-02-14T05:40:31+00:00

GF? Rebound off pending divorce?

FFS Steve, you vacillate from victory laps proclaiming shit ownership and Abundance Mentality to Oneitis for a rebound?

Plates don't get the option to give ultimatums or tests of any kind. If you are not experiencing maximum fun with someone you're dating, you use your OI and options and find someone new who doesn't cramp your style.

Your serial monogamy is giving me a fucking headache.

mrpthrowa · 2018-02-14T09:10:10+00:00

what's with lots of wannabes recently wishing they get comfort tests....

There is a lot of hamster text in your post trying to show you are abundant and DGAF etc..

but ultimately you're here because you don't want to upset this girl and you desperately want to keep her

and you're using her to convince yourself and us that you're some sort of alpha chad

the reality is that, as you say, reading between the lines, your thirst and scarcity mentality is showing right through...

so what's the right response to any of that sort of nonsense from her as:

"GF tells me outright that she isn't sure she wants to be involved with a guy going through this and is worried the drama with my ex will go on and on"

?

This is not a comfort test dude... she's telling you outright you have baggage and you've been unable to contain it...

the right response is..

"ok".

Let her leave.

Or she stays.

better yet, she tries to then say "what are you going to do about it..."

What you say is...

"you're right, I am going through a lot and I wouldn't want any distractions, it's up to you whether you want to stay".

The beauty is this pressure flip is that you're now telling her she has to earn the right to be with you, and that she is the one distracting you from your mission...

she then either stays or leaves... DGAF.

simbarlion · 2018-02-14T05:53:23+00:00

Invite Jamal over.

man_in_the_world · 2018-02-14T05:14:58+00:00

Sidebar, Steve.

You never really swallowed the pill the first time around, so you're just repeating your beta mistakes, such as oneitis.

InChargeMan · 2018-02-14T16:34:06+00:00

Didn't read past this:

GF tells me outright that she isn't sure she wants to be involved with a guy going through this and is worried the drama with my ex will go on and on.

Response: "Yeah, I wouldn't.... U wan fuk?"

ReddJive · 2018-02-14T05:41:09+00:00

Get through V-Day. Get back on the side bar.

Any more shit from this PLATE and drop her.

donedreadpirate · 2018-02-14T10:02:21+00:00

It's Valentine's Day? Bro... Bro. This plate should only be adding things to your life. You have enough going on. She should be an escape. A fun, feminine energy in a time of disorder in your life. Not just additional baggage and drama.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-02-14T11:35:05+00:00

Damn Steve, get your shit together.

You know where you need to be? In the OYS threads.

I'll be straight with you, Steve. Are you the prize? Because this GF of yours wouldn't be saying that she isn't sure that she wants to be involved with a guy who is going through drama if YOU were the prize.

You still haven't swallowed the pill yet, and if you don't, you'll be doomed to repeat your previous mistakes.

Pro tip - So today is Valentine's day, the day when all women expect their chocolates and cards, and guys go to the grocery store and pick up overexpensive roses and fancy chocolates, and look at each other with the guy nod, and the look of helplessness in their eyes. Right now, you're not spending time with her, you're backing off... FFS Steve, why do you think that she would want to spend time with you. Women want to be desired.

Look, I get the whole "games" people play at the beginning of dating... don't call back right away, 2/3s of what they do, all that stuff. On top of that we say here that you need to be the prize. But at some point you're either going to have to keep her as a plate, or if you want to see this girl more frequently, you're going to have to invest a little bit.

So do something nice for your GF today. Don't go overboard. Don't do chocolate and cards. Don't do something stupid, like doing nothing... because a) you're not the prize currently and b) what do you think that she's going to do if you do absolutely nothing and don't call today? Hmmm? Show a little bit of desire here, wouldya. Get your game on.

Honestly dude, you need to work on yourself a whole shitton. Start your re-read of the sidebar.

screechhater · 2018-02-14T12:01:57+00:00

Womanese

What’s more is you are not, living in your frame, you are now stepping right into the plates.

Yes, it dies feel good going from what you had, to what you have, but until you step back and truly realize this is you repeating steps 1-10 all over again......

The Way of the Superior Male until you have to have LASIK

Keep lifting, do not, stop

GroundbreakingDevil · 2018-02-14T13:07:17+00:00

Dude, stop. Take it from someone who's made this mistake: do not get into another LTR until 6 -12 months after the divorce is finalized. Do. Not. Do. It.

Whether you want to admit it or not, right now you're damaged goods and a validation sponge.

You'll bask in the affection of any woman who gets your dick wet and feeds your ego.

You're not in the mindset to properly vet, so you'll end up in the same shitty situation in a few years.

You get what you deserve, and right now you deserve damaged goods.

Get your shit together, learn how to live for yourself, on your own terms, for at least several months before you even consider looking for another LTR.

You'll regret it sooner or later if you don't; I sure as hell do.

BobbyPeru · 2018-02-14T05:20:41+00:00

This sounds more like her starting to check out than a comfort test.

Sidebar

Lift

DNGAF

Persaeus · 2018-02-14T12:34:09+00:00

My GF threw me a comfort test tonight.

describe this test. call me doubtful

ishouldhaveacigar · 2018-02-14T12:36:51+00:00

Sounds like you see your GF as the prize. You should see yourself as the prize.

[deleted] · 2018-02-14T15:24:28+00:00

Once you admit to yourself you're a commitment whore...then you can then work on your problems.

You have one life to live. Live it for you (and your children who had no choice but to be brought into this shitfest) and find someone who compliments it and boot those that complicate it.

Happy Valentines day!

How should I handle this ?

Not rebound into a replacement relationship. If this is the one post divorce you're just seeking to fill a hole and any old pitch will fill it. Unfortunately pitch tends to get sticky and hard to wash off. And in the end if it the hole isn't filled with good cement you bring yourself, then you'll keep trying to fill it with whatever.

Also, the only women who date men going through a divorce are A) naive or B) know you're in a weak spot and can exploit.

So is it a shit test if she's voicing a legit concern? If she's an A and this crap is she's wising up with experience?

Fuck man, I just wanted to move to a new state some years ago and I took a 1 year self-imposed hiatus from "relationships". Monk mode.

So calmly deal with anything you HAVE to with your ex first. Keep spending time with your kids or up it. Establish new good patterns first...then later on worry about some other long term.

Say to plan b: "Hey , you're right. I think you've got clearer eyes on this. Let's take a step back." And take a step back. A.A. but...hey, it's for real since it's a good idea regardless of why she's saying it. Kinda tough if she was a unicorn (she isn't) but you shouldn't have started up anything new before the old was buried.

Plate new gf if she's up for the occasional fun/dates/boredom relief, if not...monk/superdivorcedad mode until you can plate objectively or restart the audition processes for single plating from the forward tee box.

hystericalbonding · 2018-02-14T15:43:46+00:00

Sounds like a sensible woman - low drama. Your value to her at this point isn't high enough for her to overlook your baggage. There's no trick to it. Being in the midst of divorce is DLV. Be the prize in other respects. Be okay with her walking away.

2gunsgetsome · 2018-02-14T17:32:54+00:00

Tomorrow is Valentines day. How should I handle this ?

Obviously, you should play her a song on your Didgeridoo. Preferably, surprise her at work.

Title	GF throwing comfort test. I'm not good at these.
Author	ImSteveMcQueen
Upvotes	0
Comments	40
Date	February 14, 2018 4:24 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7xfhie/gf_throwing_comfort_test_im_not_good_at_these/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/gf-throwing-comfort-test-im-not-good-at-these.204823 https://theredarchive.com/post/204823