How did your wife react over time?

February 10, 2017

My Background: MRP since November. Lifting, eating better, down to 170 from 179 or so, body fat around 20% from god knows whatever it was, 30% maybe? Reading sidebar, mostly focusing on my own mindset, stopping supplicating beta behaviors, and improving my own life + assertiveness. Just now getting into the "game" pieces of the sidebar.

Question: How did your wife react to your MRP journey over time?

For me, starting MRP has been all about withdrawing my over the top comfort-building, beta behaviors, and focusing more on my own happiness.

That's meant lots of focus on working out and diet, rebuilding relationships with friends and going out a few times a week, starting up jiu jitsu classes twice a week, dressing better, while also trying to establish my own point of reference and not constantly worrying about how she feels, what she's thinking, etc.

Almost everything I've needed to work on has involved removing a behavior or bad habit.

It's been interesting to plot my wife's reaction to that over time:

  • The day I read The Rational Male (first MRP book I got my hands on), she said "You seem different all of a sudden."
  • About 1.5 months into working out, she complimented my body and new clothes.
  • 2 months in, I started getting big, blow-out shit tests, crying, yelling, etc....followed by finally breaking our 1.5-year dead bedroom. My wife suddenly wants to buy sex toys after more than a year of barely touching each other?
  • 3 months in, things seem to have quieted down, and I noticed smaller, more "every day" shit tests emerging. Sex also stops, all initiations shot down, and sex toys are still in the box.
  • Entering our 4th month, I can feel more tension in the air. Even less affection, a little more bitchy, definitely feeling the "distance" between us (since instead of trying to fill that distance with beta supplication, I'm simply not around or not giving a fuck)

The realization that this isn't about her, but about building myself a Totally Awesome Life (TM), has been a big one for me, and I feel better than ever about the whole process.

But I'm curious about the trajectory here....

What did your relationship look like? Was it continuous improvement, or were there big peaks and valleys? Did it get better, worse, better....or just one or other other?

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Title How did your wife react over time?
Author resolutions316
Upvotes 11
Comments 41
Date February 10, 2017 8:03 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
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