How do I handle a comfort test if I'm not attracted to my wife?

itiswr1tten · 2019-11-19T16:52:15+00:00

Your wife thinks starfish sex is fine because you trained her for 2 decades that it was fine and what you want. Now you just ignore her, which is only appropriate when you've owned up to the circumstances that brought you here.

As with all MRP cases you are the failure, and until you decide whether your acceptance of that means:

Punishing your wife out of gay resentment (worst option)
Getting over yourself, increasing your attractiveness, and making it clear that it is the quality of sex you lack (and not a personal issue) - then LEADING her into the sex you want
Divorcing her

Then you'll continue to flop around and write diary entries about how you're too cool for wife school. She is actively trying to fuck you, and you're the frigid one. Yeesh.

InChargeMan · 2019-11-19T15:32:15+00:00

I am at a loss here. I don't want to have sex with her unless I genuinely want to, but I also don't want her to feel "heartbroken". I want to be honest with myself and with her, but I also do not want to be a dick or continue to hurt her. What is the best way to handle this?

Me: "You need to be patient with me."

If I were her I'd think you mean you are considering going gay.

Popeman79 · 2019-11-19T15:10:07+00:00

Regarding communication: I think you're doing great. The fact that she realizes you have all these 'adventures', that she wants to fit in your schedule, etc. is great. Just one thing I would change, is stop asking her to be patient with you. Asking this sets the frame that there is something you're doing wrong and you need mommy's approval. If she asks you why you don't fuck her, just say 'I'm not feeling it'. Which is true.

Regarding your attraction to your wife: why aren't you attracted? Is it a physical thing (she's fat and/or saggy) or is it an attitude thing. Can she change it? I think duty sex is fine, if you wanna stay with her you should give it to her once in a while, just as you would expect the other way around if you were a fat slob.

Finally a word of advice: you're doing everything right, except that you are treating her very harshly. Don't forget, if you're the leader, it's your role to push her, but also to lift her up.

I would recommend to continue what you're doing, be adventurous and independent, but be also smiling, fun and caring, during the little time you spend with your wife. Make her want to join you. If you're just a detached cold guy, she won't improve for you.

RandomArrr · 2019-11-19T16:05:36+00:00

Shocker. She isn’t attracted to you either.

0io- · 2019-11-19T15:15:35+00:00

I think you should still have sex with your wife. Use viagra or something if you have to.

23% body fat is still way too fat for you to be attractive. Need to get it sub 15% ASAP, preferably around 10-12%. I wouldn't bother with T-boosters, get a different doctor to prescribe you TRT or just keep working on your lifts and losing weight. Your natty levels might increase some when you get rid of the extra fat. Maybe try intermittent fasting.

If you keep working on your weight, and put some effort into having good sex, odds are that the wife will notice and all of a sudden she'll start losing weight and working out and putting some effort into sex as well.

You're still too focused on what your wife is saying. First get yourself into great physical shape and you'll find she's not only more into sex but she'll probably start trying to get herself into shape too.

When you're at 10-12% Body Fat with some muscles you're in a much better position to go hook up with local girls from the University, and the wife doesn't need to be told that, she will see that with her own eyes.

You have to fix yourself first. Other people have to fix themselves.

If I were you I would initiate a couple of times a day, even if it doesn't lead to sex or couldn't possibly lead to sex. A 10 second "make out session" before work is a lot better than nothing, and leads to a lot more sex during the week.

Losing weight will help you a whole bunch. Bring that body fat percentage down before you even worry about how other things are going. Keep initiating more often that you're used to.

Also, unless there's some medical thing stopping you, don't do leg press do squats. And your deadlift is really lagging. You need to cut down to 175 or 180 body weight and then bulk back up. You're carrying around way too much fat.

arm_candy · 2019-11-19T21:32:52+00:00

5 weeks ago you were aching for that sex validation and suddenly you don’t find her physically attractive. Nothing happened to her body in the last five weeks. What happened is that you’re in the anger phase and it’s bleeding out in your interactions with her.

You’re cold and distant which is why she feels like she isn’t getting any affection from you. Your hand holding and kisses aren’t genuine and it has a lot more to do with your head than her body.

Nothing in the text you wrote about your interactions with her feels genuine. Even your “smooth” comment comes off cringey and fake. You need to get over your anger and frustration.

hystericalbonding · 2019-11-19T15:47:58+00:00

Your testosterone is quite high for a woman. You are a woman, right?

I also do not want to be a dick or continue to hurt her.

Then why be so passive aggressive? Skip to the punchline and submit divorce papers instead of being lazy and trying to make her do it. The entire post sounds like gender reversal in every case where the flaired guys say, "She wants you to kill the puppy." The difference is that you're more intent on resenting and punishing her for your own failings.

Is this how all your breakups have gone? Were you able to remain on good terms with any ex-girlfriend?

maxofreddit · 2019-11-19T16:18:05+00:00

WISNIFG is going to help with that feeling like a dick part.

There's a way to communicate your needs/wants/way you want life to without "being a dick."

Not to DEER, but as an idea, you're mantra should be something along the lines of.. "I'm wanting a life that more full of living, and I think you want the same thing. In order to do that, I'm making some changes. I want a happy, sexy, and fun life." I'm not saying you have to say this to HER, just have it running in your head.

Also... do you have a goddamn sense of humor?

The whole "You need to be patient with me," is weird google therapy talk. If you were fun, sexy, and successful, she'd do anything you want without you even having to ask. You're saying to her, the SHE has to change when it's YOU that has to change, and she will either follow or not (instinctively, you won't need to tell her). I would've ended the text convo like this..

Her: "Whatever. Fit me into your schedule"

Me/You: "I got something that'll fit into you."

I find that humor/AA work best for me. No-one wants to be in the drama all the time. She's totally shaking your tree to see if she can affect your frame and if there's reason to. If you joke it away, then she makes a note that her weird hissy fit is a waste of time.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2019-11-19T17:29:46+00:00

You’re fat, your wife probably isn’t attracted to you either fatty. That bf is unacceptable.

If you don’t like your wife leave, she isn’t going to fix this shit.

2ndal · 2019-11-19T16:16:17+00:00

You can't force attraction. It's either there or it isn't.

Were you ever attracted to her? If so, what's different now?

SBIII · 2019-11-19T18:46:18+00:00

Why are you married to someone you're not attracted to?

dilberryhoundog · 2019-11-19T22:33:32+00:00

There is a thing about sex. It’s about the only time in your life when your physical body gets to do its thing without that stupid fucking voice that won’t STFU, trying to shame the shit out of it. Your “Voice” is that hell bent on shaming you that it won’t allow you to get to point where your body takes over and has a bit of fun and release of energy.

How to pass the comfort test?

Just let go of the shame and fuck your wife. It won’t kill you. Better is... tickle the shit out of her then fuck her. Have a pillow fight then fuck her. Go read some posts over at the red pill on gaming techniques, (spanking and G spot activation, was a game changer for me) and use those techniques to fuck her.

“Some times you gotta lower your standards to up your average”

A guy said that to me twenty years ago when I was doing the night club thing. He fucked a girl every night he went out. I almost never fucked a girl. I was trying to tune the hottest girl in the club along with about 50 other dudes. He got to pick from about 5 girls, who all wanted to fuck. I went home empty handed, he got what he wanted.

My wife has had 3 ceaser’s out of her podgy belly and nearly six years of baby’s hanging off her saggy tits. She knows her “mum” body has lost it’s sexual attractiveness, sometimes I’m not attracted, I don't care. But she still fucks like she is 18. Why?

That guy twenty years ago taught me something invaluable... drop your shame of her imperfections and get what you want (your dick wet).

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-11-20T01:11:08+00:00

You are definitely in the middle of shit town. Now isn’t rally the time to make too many decisions on your life/marriage and that includes the typical BS roadblocks of “I’m staying for the kids”.

This is the worst possible place for you to be at your skill level: fat bitchy wife that runs your ass and you barely have the tools to find your own frame. Now you’re realizing that she’s been such a fat bitch for so long you can’t find any redeeming reason to look at her. Totally understandable. I was in the same situation. You have to learn what your frame is. In every conversation or situation you need to think about what YOU want without being influenced by what your fat bitchy wife wants. Until you learn this you’ll fail everywhere.

Don’t “stay for the kids” because you’ll just train them how to have a shitty relationship.

You need to get so much better at being a Man if Value that your wife comes around and loses weight and changes her then OR you’ll be at a place of peace and pull the top cord on divorce. I dumped my fat bitchy wife after 17yrs of marriage. The kids are doing fine (13, 16) and my(48) GF(32) is a fantastic HB9, successful in her own career divorce really can be great, but you need to figure out how to grow as a man before it will change anything for you or she’s going to clean your ass in court and for the rest of your life.

Ivabighairy1 · 2019-11-19T20:44:09+00:00

Can't wait for the next post when you complain that she's cheating on you and asking where you went wrong.

mrpalt1 · 2019-11-20T16:42:57+00:00

Also use the trap bar for deads and squats if your back is giving you problems.

part_wolf · 2019-11-19T19:35:37+00:00

"You need to be patient with me."

My wife is 75% of your weight and she lifts heavier than you do. Unfortunately she's on her period this week so I'm super fucking horny; DM me your wife's number so we can solve both our problems at once.

I'm not going to cut you any slack just because you're four weeks in. I try to avoid name calling because it's so cliche, but it really suits you.

Faggot.

You have a major blind spot here. Sounds like you skipped over an important lesson from How To Not Communicate Like a Retard 101. Here is the lesson you missed:

Don't ever start a sentence with "you."

First off, it's completely unnecessary. Second, it's unconstructive because she's just going to tune you out immediately. It's the same reason you never tell a woman to calm down (unless you are trying to piss her off for shits and giggles). Here is what you've been saying:

"You need to lose thirty pounds."

"You need to be patient with me."

I get that you're struggling with attraction and desire for your your wife, but I'm going to keep repeating this until you understand it: it's not her fucking problem, it's yours. You chose to be with this person. You can hardly blame her for getting fat, clearly you set the example for her. You made her the way she is. The reality is that your wife doesn't have to do jack shit. Here are some of the things you never said, for 18 years:

"I want to be with someone who cares about their health."

"I want our family to eat healthy, nutritious food."

"I want us to live a more active lifestyle."

"I'm busy at the moment, but I would like to talk about this later."

"I want to have peace in my marriage, rather than stress."

The absence of these statements have been an implicit endorsement of your wife's behavior. Until you're capable of saying these things to your wife with a warm smile (backed up with a ton of actions on your part), then SHUT THE FUCK UP. I can't blame you for trying, but you're not there yet. Your wife is nowhere near ready to step into your frame, and her frame is emotional chaos at this point.

You want to change the game? You want to be with someone that's not fat? You want to be with someone that isn't so volatile emotionally? Fine. You know exactly what you have to do to get there. Your wife may not want to wait that long, and she may not come along for the ride. Until then, SHUT THE FUCK UP until you're ready to have a goddamned conversation with her about what you need and what you want. It's not about her.

Finally, lose the ego and stop being such a hypocrite. No one respects a hypocrite, and that's exactly what you sound like in your newly discovered lifestyle. You aren't inspiring or leading your wife with the bullshit that's coming out of your mouth. You're the guy that just stepped into the gym four weeks ago and thinks he can start giving me tips on how to improve my power clean. Fuck off with that. Four weeks of RP frame construction doesn't endow you with the authority to start prescribing homework to your wife. Go lose thirty pounds of fat yourself, dumbass, and until you do you should probably...

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Perfectinmyeyes · 2019-11-19T15:43:00+00:00

You could be like my wife and blame it all on me, not romantic enough, didn't ask for it the right way, asked the wrong time, not helping her in life enough, etc...

That will get her hamster going cuz it did and has mine.

Or you could have that honest talk and see where you end up.

I think there's a bit too much antagonism there what's going on with you.

She isn't your enemy, she's a reflection of you and you her.

man_in_the_world · 2019-11-19T21:54:30+00:00

You're a passive (and passive-aggressive) bitch, stuck in your wife's frame, waiting reactively for her to lead in the bedroom by figuring out and initiating sex that you might enjoy.

Find your own frame, stop being a passive faggot, figure out what kind of sex with her would interest you (surely you must have some kink), and lead her to it.

JoeBuckYourslf · 2019-11-19T20:27:18+00:00

FFS, natural test boosters are garbage.

Here’s things you can do now:

Eat right

Sleep enough

See a new doctor.

Get on self prescribed TRT (which I don’t really go around recommending. It’s not rocket science, but getting and interpreting your own bloods with the aid of the internet isn’t too difficult. Also, do at your own risk.

And you’re FOUR weeks RP? WTF.

jackandjill22 · 2019-11-20T00:04:09+00:00

screechhater · 2019-11-20T00:33:45+00:00

Comfort test ?

Or, actually fucking her ?

Tip. Women go bald down there for the right guy. Not when prompted to do so

Tip two- Blow Jobs offered for the right- attractive guy and on demand for the same

FereallyRed · 2019-11-20T18:31:46+00:00

Sex is not intimacy.

Break that false equivalency ASAP.

She's a hole to dump your cum into.

That's where your mind needs to be right now.

Vegasman20002 · 2019-11-19T21:02:13+00:00

Man, you are describing my situation almost exactly. I went RP in July, went monk mode on sex as my wife was 5' 200lbs (down to 185 now, oh joy...). We had a similar discussion and I just admitted I wasn't attracted to her and was embarrassed by her weight. And now she is working out every day and dieting, and I am doing the same. I still pat her ass etc but won't initiate sex until I am attracted to her again and if that never happens , well that is why I am MRPing.

FRedington · 2019-11-19T17:43:23+00:00

I have often been skeptical of patent medicines. I have no personal experience with "Invictus Labs Alpha Boost". I did find this review of the product via google search.

https://www.43test.com/testosterone-boosters/invictus-labs-alpha-boost-review/

Make your own decision on whether it is or is not effective.

Title	How do I handle a comfort test if I'm not attracted to my wife?
Author	OptimusRP
Upvotes	21
Comments	168
Date	November 19, 2019 2:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dylgwm/how_do_i_handle_a_comfort_test_if_im_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-do-i-handle-a-comfort-test-if-im-not-attracted.295859 https://theredarchive.com/post/295859