I (31M) Upset by my pregnant wife’s (36F) sexual history that has surfaced again - and am now feeling really RedPill about life in general. What should I do ?
I (31M) upset about my wife’s (36F) sexual history. How can I overcome this with her and build a better sexual relationship ?
Upset about my wife’s past - not sure how to move on
So my wife (36F) and I (31M) have been together nearly 10 years. She was kinky and High Libido for first couple years of our relationship but when we met she was just getting out of a relationship that ended badly and had an abortion. She was more sexual with her previous partners than she ever was or has been with me.
We’ve both had our share of trauma and experiences.
She experimented more sexually in her early 20’s than I ever did.
I have some resentment and am kinda of triggered that my wife was essentially a promiscuous “party girl” for a few years before I met her - who has an older man as a boyfriend who was manipulating her as a young female.
She had sexual experiences with other prior partners that we have never explored together. Anal sex, drug induced sex, threesomes, public sex, etc.
I am pretty upset about this anytime I am triggered by it. It rarely comes up - but it did recently when I found some text messages she sent to her friends that basically were her telling (what I would consider bragging) to her newer friends about this stage in her life. She never discussed this with me as it’s pretty awkward. I also don’t want to bring it up now that she is pregnant.
However, things got to a head last night - and I explained what I found and all my feelings to her. It ended up in a big fight. I left the house - she cried. She is mad I invaded her privacy - I am mad for all the reasons listed here. We both wanted to break up - but this morning I said I’m sorry and we hugged. I still don’t know how we’re are going to move on. How am I going to coach my wife through childbirth - with freshly triggered a motions - now knowing she had a much worse previous partner that I realized and had sexual trauma and will likely never be as sexual with me for the rest of our lives? It’s like her sexual purity decreased by 10 in my eyes, and she pulled her 10 year old trauma to the forefront of our relationship. Now it makes sense why she has never been that passionate or kinky or interested in orgasming herself for past 8 years of our relationship. I have been more than patient with her for last 8 years.
I’ll ask her to do new sexual activities like anal - and be very soft with my approach, encourage her and care for her needs and she will just consistently say no for like 10 years now. We have never done anal. Yet she did anal consistently with her previous partner before she met me. Her response is that she doesn’t like it. She is not willing to try with me - to see if she likes it with me. If she loves me I feel like the experience would be more of a bonding experience, than the experience she had with her previous partner who she did not love.
I’m upset that she is so open with these newer friends about this period in her life that she does not discuss with me. It’s pretty awkward to discuss with me but it’s kind of detrimental to my perception of our sexual relationship. I also think it’s inappropriate for her to have these conversations with people in general. She should be more polished and not go into conversations about this stage in her life given it was 10+ years ago and she is now married and pregnant and in a long term relationship with me. Why re-hash the past for “giggles” and whatever just to bond and connect with new friends. New friends don’t need to hear about her sexual escapades from 10+ years ago.
We are pregnant and the sex life we did have is about to get even more boring and vanilla for the foreseeable future. Will is ever be possible to get my wife so comfortable with herself and sex again that she will revert back to her early 20’s self and be open to sexual experimentations with me and be more interested in orgasming herself and have deep sexual connections and trying things with me that she tried with her previous partners?
Or are we destined for a dead bedroom and I’ll likely end up miserable which may lead to me wanting to find another woman outside of the relationship that can keep up with me sexually?
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