There’s only one time that I STFU and that’s when my wife is already in an emotional state.

Because I know that trying to logic her when she’s emotional simply doesn’t work.

So, by keeping quiet, she eats up her own emotions. And if it gets out of hand, I’ll remove myself from the situation.

However, I don’t believe in letting her do whatever she wants while simply working on myself...

For example:

A few months ago she was angry at me for something stupid and decided not to dress up in the lingerie I bought / make a porno.

Twenty minutes after the issue, I said, “You expect me to respect your emotions as a woman and I do. However, in return I expect you to respect my needs as a man. In the same way that listening to you shows you that I care. It’s important that you show me you care by taking care of my needs. And ‘this’ is how you show me you care.”

And since that day, she’ll still dress up, send nudes, etc even if she hates my guts on that moment.

Another example was when she interrupted a phone call with a friend and got upset when I used a ‘harsh voice and wouldn’t put the friend on hold’.

And so I simply said, “When you’re busy, I understand you’re doing something important and so I don’t get mad when i have to be patient for your time. It makes me happy when you try to understand me in the same way. If you interrupt me, I’ll unfortunately use a harsh tone again because I’m being interrupted.”

She got upset. But since then has never done it again. In fact, just earlier she apologised for interrupting me on a call by mistake. And I reassured her that it wasn’t her fault as she couldn’t see I was on a call / apologised for my tone.

What I’m getting at here is that there’s only one time EVER that I STFU...

And that’s if talking will lead to an argument. Because it’s pointless.

But if there’s something I don’t like, I’ll still bring it up and be transparent once the dust has settled.