Just failed a comfort test...looking for advice

November 16, 2016

TL;DR - Wife unexpectedly asked me if I'm sexually satisfied in our marriage. No "yes", no "no"...just verbal diarrhea on my part. Would like to avoid in the future.

Context: Several days ago, I inadvertently applied some dread and the Mrs. responded as was to be expected: more passionate than usual sex, almost zero amount of bitching/shit tests, her going out of her way to please me, etc. (I'm not going to go into the details of the situation...let's just call it a combination of progress and stupidity.) I gave the episode no further attention and life went on as normal, but despite the initial unease having settled, the hamster was clearly still in motion.

Earlier today: She preps me for a question out of the blue; a long pause while she formulated her words gave me time to tease her with exaggerated concern and quips like "so how much money to you need?" Slightly hesitant and nervously amused at herself, she asked, in so many words, if I was sexually satisfied in our marriage. Giant neon letters appeared above her head spelling out "This is a COMFORT TEST!" I was completely blindsided and blanked like a deer in headlights. STFU or just leaving the room were briefly considered, but neither of those seemed appropriate. I was pretty sure I should AA or AM, though my brain and already vacated my body and took whatever frame I possessed with it.

Here are just some of the floats in the cringe-parade I uttered: answering the question with a question; turning the question back on her; exploring if this is a veiled attempt to discuss new directions in the bedroom; pointing out the logical assessment that neither "yes" nor "no" - regardless of any supporting claim - would be acceptable; explaining how I'm not currently concerned with this aspect of our relationship, but rather am focusing on myself...basically, crash and fucking burn.

I ace "do these pants make my butt look big?" and the like, but was completely lost on this one. On one hand, "no"...we're beyond starfish though it could definitely be better. OTOH, "yes"...I'm satisfied sexually given our current state. Not only is sexual satisfaction in our relationship not a high priority for me, I know I still have a lot of ground to cover in my own journey before I can expect to elicit desire from her that would result in better sex, so I wouldn't expect anything more fulfilling for the time being.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

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Post Information
Title Just failed a comfort test...looking for advice
Author Chinchilla_the_Hun
Upvotes 7
Comments 31
Date November 16, 2016 6:47 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/just-failed-a-comfort-testlooking-for-advice.206869
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5d7uyh/just_failed_a_comfort_testlooking_for_advice/
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