So, here we are, the 3rd saga in a few days. I just watched from the other side of the world as my wife took a hand full of klonopin and downed them all.

My friend woke me up in the middle of the night calling to say my wife had messaged him (he lives 12 hrs away) and told him she had a note, to tell me she was sorry and hung up. She didnt think he could do anything because he doesnt know my address or anything.

He called me and worked getting the police to my house while I was on Skype. She took a hand full of pills, then told me if the cops came she would wave the gun at them to make them kill her. She also put the gun to her head and chest. I watched in horror. Waiting to hear a gunshot.

She was taken into the ER by the cops.

I'm totally shocked and unsure. This place asks some hard questions, I'll ask for this type of advice now and be honest here.

I blame myself. I dont know why I do, but I litterally think to myself had I not been Rambo she wouldnt have done this. I also know she has attempted suicide in the past, but I've never gone through this extreme of a situation.

I ask myself the question you guys as me. Why am I still with her? I feel like if I could just do the right things then she wouldnt behave this way. That I caused her to be this way because I dont show enough affection and I'm Rambo. I think if I wasnt so fucking bluepill I wouldnt deal with this type of stuff. I internalize and then try to fix, but it seems I cant get it right. Then I think, well, maybe I'm just an autist like this place claims. Maybe all women cheat, and because of my autistic nature this is the best I can do. I know I can pull pussy, I'm not concerned with that. It's the die and old lonely man thing that bothers me.

I did go white knight when I met her. Tried to help her out of a bad situation. I thought so BP then. Now, because of RP I see these things. I did get with her to fix her, and I feel I am incapable of figuring out how and due to that, any women I was with I'd have the same fucking problems.

I blame myself for how she behaved and I dont know how to make myself stop or believe it isnt my fault. She felt totally alone in the world, and it's because I was a fucking Rambo and wasnt there for her. I feel like if I left now, I'd be kicking a dog while it's down and if she killed herself or wound up strung out on drugs, it would be me fault. I also think I couldn't stand to see her with anyone else.

I am sure this is victim puke, but I'm taking responsibility that I have misguided beliefs, I'm not sure how to get them to go away though. I am here asking looking for solutions to act on, not just express myself.