Here Goes Nothin

This is my first post ever on Reddit. I am doing it under a brand new username in order to ensure anonymity. I am 46 yrs old. Married 19 years to 45 yr old wife. 2 teenaged kids. Read NMMNG (2x), all of Rollo’s books, WOTSM, WISNIFG, Book of Pook, 12 Rules for Life, MMSLP, Currently Reading: MAP

LIFTS: Height: 6’1” Weight: 190; Squat 260 5x5; BP 150 5x5; Barbell Row 130 5x5; Deadlift 230 5x5; OP 100 5x5

Never thought I would post here because none of the shit would ever happen to me. Hell, I was in a sexless marriage, but I just needed to up my game at home. No way my wife would ever cheat, branch swing, or even consider either. She is a good girl and always has been. Faithful, comes from a good family, a great mother, my friends and family love her and thinks she walks on water (and hers does too for that matter), we have a life together and no matter what, shit would never get to that point, right? Wrong, dumbass, AWALT!!!!! Let me back it up.

I became interested in RP because of my sexless marriage.....plain and simple. When I first began dabbling in this community just a few months ago (May 2020), I started to apply some of the principles and began working my way through the sidebar. As I began working on myself, sex improved at home a LOT! Our relationship seemed to be improving as a result. Hell, it still sort of feels that way. RP helped me realize that I had gotten very complacent and comfortable with our relationship. Truly a drunk captain. So I started lifting, reading, and working on dread game. Well, just when I thought I was figuring this shit out.......I got hit by a fucking MACK truck just over 1 week ago.

In short, I am 95% sure that she has had an affair with someone from work. It had to have been before COVID because we have been locked down working from home for months in a fairly restrictive state. I do not know how long it was going on for, but they worked together for a couple of years. She has had no in-person-contact with Chad since the lockdowns began in March (none that I know of but pretty sure of that). I think that helped separate them enough for them to agree to end it. I am basing that assumption on part of a phone conversation that I overheard just one week ago. She was talking to Chad during the work day and I overheard just enough. That one really confirmed some extremely vague suspicions that I began to develop since I have been viewing things through the RP lens. When I say vague, I mean just wracking my brain to see if the possibility of cheating existed at all for her.....in general. I cannot guarantee that this is more than an emotional affair, but I am accepting the fact that it most likely was physical. I have no solid proof and I have been carefully snooping around for some evidence since overhearing their convo, but I DO NOT YET WANT HER TO KNOW THAT I KNOW! Plus, I know she will deny, cry, rationalize, and everything else that makes AWALT. I want to play this right and I want to do what is best for me and my kids.

This is all still pretty fresh on my mind and I am not ready to commit to any particular course of action. I can’t even articulate how shocked I am that this person would do this. I really thought I had a unicorn even after learning that there is no such thing as unicorns. However, I have not ruled anything out in terms of what I will do. If not for kids, I would be going to a divorce attorney tomorrow. Thats for damn sure. But I am not sure I can pretend that I don’t know for much longer. Trying to avoid going Rambo. How the hell can she do that and still act like nothing happened? (Rhetorical question smart asses!!!!).

So I realize I am still dealing with anger and a variety of emotions. However, I know that I would have royally fucked this up if I hadn’t found RP before my discovery. I would have confronted her immediately and argued, fought, cursed, made idle threats, etc. In other words, I am grateful for that and I am open to any advice. I have not told anyone about this yet as I am still processing, but I needed to vent here to strangers to get some honest feedback first. I don’t know who I can trust at this point. Shit is crazy in 2020.

My plan before hearing any responses is to keep working on myself. Plus, I am not naive enough to think that I am not naive if that makes sense. My lifting schedule began back on August 1st in my home gym in our basement. I am looking to ramp it up. Looking to shift to something other than 5x5 but not sure what is best, so any advice there would be great. Also, need to read more diligently and really be willing to push some boundaries. Have at i