Ok ASKMRP, riddle me THIS!!!

fuckmrp · 2017-08-17T03:30:53+00:00

If she's telling you to stop ASKING for sex, you need to reevaluate how you initiate. Don't be the horny little dog attached to her leg.

Kino her when it can not escalate and do this as often as possible. Simple shit like man handle her for 2 min before kids get home. Your kino = sex to her and you need to break that connection with new patterns of behavior.

You get to the point where you kino her constantly and there's no expectations. But essentially you're always initiating, its your choice when by reading how she responds to you.

Red-Curious · 2017-08-17T03:55:12+00:00

This is why we have monk mode - something I went into before even coming here. I stopped initiating and just focused on improving myself. When I came out of monk mode, I was much better off.

Think of it like being in high school. There's a hot girl you've been wanting to ask out for a long time, so you butter up to her frequently, but you're fat and geeky and she kind of laughs you off. So, you start lifting, practicing game, and OYS and all that. 3 months later you're a genuine stud. During those 3 months you were still buttering up to her and at the end she's still turning you down.

Same situation, but the 3 months of change happen over the summer when you haven't been around her. All of a sudden, it's not, "Why won't he leave me alone?" Now it's, "Woah! What happened to him! Where did this come from?" You're a whole new person. Why? Because the change is seen all at once, it's not gradual.

Now, that's not a license to go Rambo and apply everything all at once. Rather, it means that before you start trying to reignite your sex life, you've got to change the relationship culture between the two of you first. So, you gradually implement RP, but stay in monk mode sexually while you practice your game on her and lift, sidebar, OYS, etc. She's not thinking about your SMV when you're not having sex. So, when you come out of your shell, it's like you just came back from summer break and "Woah! Where did that come from?!?"

But if you're pressuring her for sex constantly before then, she's evaluating your SMV everyday ... so the impact of the change is going to be squat. It's like, "Up .2 here, another .1 there ... did something dumb, so down .1, but up .3 for that ... his body got better, up another .2, but then he said that stupid thing, so down .2, then up some more." These small increments won't wow her and she won't realize the trend because she's not charting them on a scatter-plot graph. She'll notice ups and downs, not the overall pattern of up.

TL;DR - Go monk mode for a while.

Also, don't leave it up to her. She wants you to hand over that power. Screw that. You stay in charge of your sexuality. Go read the post from /u/reddreadwolverine a bit ago about intentional discomfort. Handing her the reigns is a DLV.

AustralianArm · 2017-08-17T02:46:05+00:00

BP for 11 years (I usually add an error margin of 50% to that figure), 4 months in to MRP...

That means you have probably another year until she values you again.

Keep up the initiating, if you get a hard no, just go do something else and keep working. It will come.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-08-17T03:23:15+00:00

Time isn't your issue. The fact that you haven't done a level of work commensurate with changing her mind about your status is the problem. Maybe put as much energy into making yourself better as your putting into thinking about having sex w/ a person that isn't into you.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-17T15:54:29+00:00

stop asking

Wifey let out a big nugget for you to chew on and she probably has no idea. Women don't want to be "asked." They want to be taken. Asking for sex is like asking if you can kiss her. You don't "Ask" you Kino, Initiate, and then Escalate. Whey do you need to "ask?" Little girls "ask." Men DO. If she wants to turn your nonverbal escalation down then she is going to have to bring it into the verbal realm and that is very difficult for women. It requires them to actually accept responsibility for their feelings and we all know how they HATE that.

every day

How is this even possible to get turned down every day? After being turned down you should put her on ice for at least a couple of days. Get busy and occupy yourself. Leave your phone at home and don't answer texts. GET BUSY! Then after a day or two reintegrate as if nothing has happened. You are not being malicious and punitive when you ignore her for a couple days after a sexual denial. No hard feelings...but you can't be bothered to spend time with a woman who is not attracted to you and makes your life unpleasant.

cabanaboy46 · 2017-08-17T03:34:16+00:00

Ive been at this for about 8 months and we've been together 7 years. Fwiw, after lifting and eating clean for 4 months i was starting to see gains in wifes attitude and in the mirror. I started out initiating every day which was a departure from my previous behavior and i was getting similar responses from the wifey.

At month 4 i thought "im looking good, I'm dressing good, people at work are noticing my changes, wtf is up with her and why am i still having issued getting laid?"

In retrospect, a major issue was that i was still doing it for her and i was initiating to have sex because i wanted validation more than just being horney all the time. After one rejection around that time frame i said fuck it, this is for me at this point. I didnt tell her i was done trying or anything but a switch flipped internally. Fast forward to month 8, im still making gains, she askes if we can fuck after showing together and afterwards she says "when did you get so jacked?"

The point is, stay the course but do it for you. Month 4 was a milestone for me and it may be for you as well. If your serious about making this a lifetime to commitment to being better, she will take notice eventually. If your still dealing with this situation 8 months from today and you've followed the levels of dread you will be fine one way or the other.

RPJMRP · 2017-08-17T04:16:14+00:00

Don't ever "ask" for sex.

Why are you listening to what she says? No. You should not yield your sexuality to a woman's whim.

Lastly, stop being weird and re-engage in the process. All the "riddle me this" shit isn't needed and distracts from your goal.

Work the process physically and mentally and stay focussed.

man_in_the_world · 2017-08-17T08:51:37+00:00

Note that initiation is a form of attention. At some point, initiating even more often when she rejects you more is "rewarding" her for rejecting you, and reassuring her of the power her magic princess pussy holds over you (anti-Dread). Reread about Dread Level 4: gradually withdrawing time and attention in response to repeated denials.

simbarlion · 2017-08-17T02:48:40+00:00

She does not think you are the prize, and it must just be fucking annoying to her. TBH you sound like a pain in her ass. Get her to want you, by reading the side bar, and applying it for 11+ months in a gradual fashion.

223552 · 2017-08-17T04:28:37+00:00

Firstly you are not OI, .... because you are here, complaining. That probably means, you act OI around your wife, but you are still not there. It takes time, until then, fake it till you make it.

Sex is still your goal, probably because its validation. That needs to change. If you were single, you would go for weeks or more without sex, and not be bothered, because there are many other things to fill your life with. Adapt similar attitude now.

I don't know how you initiate, but if it comes across as needy, its a huge turnoff. But, if you want to initiate, then initiate.

You are still early on in the process, You see the world in all different colors now, but your wife still sees as you the same BP man, as you were for most of your marriage, that will take time, hence 1 month for every year you are together...

Sepean · 2017-08-17T05:08:17+00:00

If she asks like that, stop reading the sidebar. That sort of girl is a straight talker, she likes sweet men with dad bods. A real unicorn.

On a serious note, do not listen to your wife. Read the sidebar, lift, hold frame, work on your LMR and increase dread.

The_Litz · 2017-08-17T06:33:45+00:00

So then, a stallion like myself

Nothing wrong with your humour!

I honest to god say "your loss!" or follow her denial up with some other fun statement, read a book, go downstairs and hit the bag for a while.

You can only deliver this from a very strong frame, and even then the 'your loss' statement is a little on the border of being butthurt, but in your dynamic it could work if it is kept light, but currently from her words and actions I'd say no.

Do not underestimate how perceptive women are in reading body language. Even if you verbally say you are cool your body language can betray your feelings as butthurt.

mrpthrowa · 2017-08-17T08:01:20+00:00

Fuck with her head.

Kino, touch etc...

Kiss 5 seconds, then no attention for 1 hour.

Sometimes pat her on the ass as you walk by, sometimes don't.

Walk as if you're going to kino her, then do something completely unrelated to her.

Women don't like certainty in anything. Create unpredictability.

weakandsensitive · 2017-08-17T03:42:36+00:00

What happens if she plainly says "can you stop asking for sex every day".

"Sure."

Then go fuck another woman.

I honest to god say "your loss!"

Why would you say such stupid bullshit? How exactly is she losing out? She'd be losing out if she wanted to fuck you in the first place. She'd losing out if you went to some other chick to fuck instead of you - but as it stands - how in the ever loving fuck do you figure she's losing out you stupid stupid cunt?

a stallion like myself

ahahahah. thanks for the chuckle.

it honestly is her loss

And here, ladies and gentleman, we see the male hamster in its natural environment.

I'm not your wife. I don't know you. I read that and all I can think is "what a fucking loser". I can't imagine how much worse your wife, having seen you as a bitch for the past 11 years, sees it.

Lets hear you talk about your dad bod.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-08-17T11:00:24+00:00

As your value improves and dread ramps up the right response could be:

stop asking every day

you know I need this right?

then walk away and pull a soft next for at least 3 days.

Have you been pulling back comfort in response to these rejections? Do you reward her with a bit of extra TLC right after fucking?

I rarely say I love you outside of the bed. If she wants my attention she must earn it

donedreadpirate · 2017-08-17T14:28:25+00:00

I stopped reading after your question. It's been covered, but you need to become attractive.

[deleted] · 2017-08-17T19:33:07+00:00

if she thinks you are asking for sex and this annoys you...

consider why it annoys you...

does she say no?

do you actually ask?

Is your kino isolated to the times you want to have sex?

you know how you are probably more likely to get her something pretty if she would just not ask?? its like that.

BIG_HUB · 2017-08-17T23:40:11+00:00

Keep working on yourself, have you been hitting the gym? How are your dread levels coming? This is important, are you getting out on your own without your wife i.e. Hobbies or volunteer work? Or just to get out for a beer with the guys? Are you dressing like a slob? It's all work you need to do...

nooomaam · 2017-08-18T01:24:18+00:00

I hate this ...and go... shit. The self absorbed bitches who do this just scream validation whore.

But - since it's a fun topic, I'll just say this:

If not you, then who?

Stop asking me for sex.

Well then I'll go ask somebody else.

And then walk out of the house. Not the room. The house. For 4 hours.

RealityTastesGreat · 2017-08-18T22:44:22+00:00

Sounds like she is not turned on when you 'initiate' The goal is to have her so turned on my your masculine presence that she's going crazy waiting for you to initiate, or being seductive. How are you doing with tuning the rest of your ship.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-08-21T13:10:58+00:00

Your two primary issues are time and GAFs.

You recoiled at the suggestion of taking the time to build yourself because you have the libido of an 18yo.

If she is the mother of 3 children and in her early 30's, she's probably not going to want to fuck an unattractive, immature 18yo.

You need to put in the time, and the work.

You are trying to have OI and DGAF from a very week frame.

Frame = time + work. You can't read about frame and have one.

time + work = Frame.

It's past time you buy into the paradigms here and demonstrate the praxeology.

You are trying to ride a new Harley Davidson 1200cc off the lot without ever having taken the training wheels off you 10" bicycle.

You're skipping steps and fucking up.

Go back, start over, and this time, do this shit for YOU.

rocketskates4209576 · 2017-08-25T14:37:18+00:00

i was in the same boat, more or less, not too long ago...and here's what i did: -monk mode for 2 weeks. taking sex completely off the table for myself was actually kind of a relief. long before i found MRP, i was constantly looking at myself in the mirror. MRP reinforced, or helped make sense of, a lot of the revelations i had and what i needed to do to ease my inner turmoil. if you havent spent much time thinking about anything other than gettin in her guts before this, you may want to set a longer time. see it through, even if you feel you're ready sooner. it'll show you you can live without and takes a lot of the sting out of the hard no's.

When my 2 weeks was up I still wanted to take it slow and work on internalizing what I've been learning. So when I initiated, I INITIATED! There was no asking, no trying to "warm her up" to the idea of it. I did what I wanted to do without worrying if she was in the mood or not. If I was worried about getting a hard no and slipping back into resentment mode, I would tell myself before hand "if she says no, or is clearly not in the mood I will back off. If you can say that to yourself without feeling any anxiety, go for it. If that thought stirs up some shit inside you, you're not in a good place and should probably reconsider initating.

-I also quit talking about sex almost completely, and when I did bring it up it was more of a passing thought, like planting a seed. One quick comment, no concern with her response. And then I moved the conversation to another subject. At first I'll admit I struggled with that part. But it's already feeling natural to me.

Whatever time frame you set for yourself, use that time to find your self confidence and talk to your wife! It is so much easier to rebuild the relationship you have with yourself, and with her, without the distraction of sex. And then when the time comes everything should just sort of....click, i guess.

It helped me tremendously. Good luck!

RedDreadWolverine · 2017-08-25T22:18:01+00:00

Why not change everything and freak her the fuck out? This is a tactic I get guys to use all the time to make giant leaps in their relationships. Yes, lifting, consistency and stability over time improves your situation. But sometimes it's worth knocking the chess board off the table. Here's how changing everything works.

She is your current priority. Getting sex from her is your current priority. She holds all the cards if you are trying to reason or negotiate with her. You have to act in a way that makes her think that she's at risk for some kind of loss. She can't handle loss like a man can.

Pick half a dozen priorities that are not her. That aren't for her approval. Things that you deep down know will add to your personal value in your own eyes. Not in hers. I started lifting, started a business, started training in firearms, riding a motorcycle out to the middle of no where and camping, BJJ, and started a RedPill group at my church.

These days... she knows she's on my list of priorities... but her spot changes based on whether she knows how to act on that particular day. You understand?

Stop thinking there's some cheat code to trick her into fucking you. She doesn't want to fuck you because you're likely being a punk ass bitch who's doing zero and needs her more then she needs you. Work on yourself and do actual work to earn your value instead of spending value you don't have. If you were actually outcome independent you would've picked up on this. And don't call yourself "readily available" and "high value". Only one can be true in this particular situation.

Title	Ok ASKMRP, riddle me THIS!!!
Author	mmarp1w
Upvotes	12
Comments	68
Date	August 17, 2017 2:39 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6u7375/ok_askmrp_riddle_me_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/ok-askmrp-riddle-me-this.205656 https://theredarchive.com/post/205656