Hey all. Time for me to quit lurking. I recently had an experience that's made me think, and I wanted to ask for the group's wisdom.
Long story short, mother in law was visiting, wife and I agreed that the kids would not sleep in the same room with her, when mom started to walk to the boys bedroom, I spoke up and told her it would be best for her to sleep in the guest room instead. Wife came out of her room and said "Mom, just do whatever you want," after which mom promptly went into the boys room and closed the door. WTF, really? I walked into our bedroom where my wife was and told her that she'd been disrespectful and dishonest, and that she would NEVER try that shit again. She argued and cried and generally tried to manipulate. I didn't bother fogging, I just broken recorded her ("we agreed together. You will never disrespect me with dishonest bull shit like that again.") I didn't yell... I didn't need to. but I was intentionally loud enough to make sure Mom heard the entire exchange. Finally, when my wife said "fine, just tell me what you want me to do" I responded "beginning tomorrow, tell your mother she has to sleep in a different room, LIKE WE AGREED." Then I STFU and went back downstairs. 15 min later, mom came down and quietly went to the guest room. Shit test "passed," I think...
For the next two days, mom and wife were both cold as hell actually frozen over. Mom avoided me and actually hid from ME going into different rooms when she heard me coming or saw me enter the room. IDGAF. Wife cried, told me I was an ass, and called our marriage counselor, (who backed me up :)). IDGAF. Held frame. Let her storm rage. I'll be here when she's done.
The old BP me would have just taken it and sulked about being railroaded. I wouldn't have said anything to Mom and I would have passively aggressively bitched about the shut she'd pulled. but the RP man I'm committed to becoming said Hell No! called her on her shit, and let the storm rage... I didn't have to say a thing about it the next two days. Mom slept on the couch (probably because she didn't want to "give in"). IDGAF.
The next day I told wife I wanted sex and a backrub when the boys went to bed. She coldly said "fine" and yep, frigid starfish sex. IDGAF and made it clear that I wasn't afraid of her silent treatment or pouting. I took that starfish, left it dripping, got dressed, and got back to my work. She didn't say a thing.
Mom went back home today and wife texted to tell me she'd doubled up on her anti depressants the past two days. She was trying to bait me into asking her about her feelings and apologizing for "making her" need the medication. No way. I just wrote back and said "Hope you feel better soon babe." Then I STFU. She wrote back and said "i'm sure I will."
This is early in my RP conversion. I'm lifting, I've owned my shit and cleaned all my stuff up, and I've made it clear that I'm changing and don't have any intention of being her BP pansy assed pushover of a husband any more (almost verbatim what I broken record to her). She can tell I'm different. She gives me shit about it several times a day and tries to push me back into her beta. She even gave me shit about cleaning out my closet, my office, and my workshop... Her: "What's wrong? Why are you doing this? It's not like you at all." Me: "It's my shit and I'm taking care of it." Her: "your being so weird. your cold. Your being an ass." Me: "let's try that again. I'm sure you didn't mean to suggest that I shouldn't take care of my shit, do you?" Her: "no, but you're being an ass. What's going on? " me: STFU. Her: leaves for 10 min and comes back to have the same conversation, I repeat 3x and then just STFU. That and other Shit tests just keep coming. It's not that I can't handle the shit tests... Frankly, these seem like soft balls compared to the shit she tried to pull with her mother. But there's nothing BUT Shit tests from her. Literally, nothing. Just one after another.
Question is this: how long, or how many times will I need to hold frame, call her on her shit, and be the oak in her storm before crying, silent treatment, and repeatedly calling me a shovenistic ass doesn't last for 2 days at a time? IDGAF really, just asking what experience you've all had so I have a little bit of a barometer. I fully expect her to hamster, call me an ass, and keep shit testing from time to time. This experience and other Shit tests that have been almost constant for the last 2 weeks (yeah, it took me a long time to take the red pill and start to wake the hell up... If I'm even starting to get on the right track yet) have just made me wonder if this will plateau as she gets used to living with a man instead of the unik RP piece of shit she's been married to for the last 12 years.
[EDIT: removed inconsequential drivel]
Ok, so critique me. Tell me what I'm fucking up.
[EDIT: removed inconsequential drivel]
Incidentally, the post that finally gut-punched me and woke me up to my miserable reality is one I can't find now (i've read so much good shit here) that said something like "don't worry, we're going to hold your hand and walk you through this every step of the way... Are you kidding me? Let go of my hand, your even more pathetic than I thought..." Full disclosure, when I read the first sentence I thought "oh good... They're gonna help me through this." Then I read the next sentence, realized I really was a pathetic RP loser, and decided to commit and take the red pill I've been holding onto. So to whoever posted that (may have even been in the sidebar), thanks man... I needed it.