Persistent/Constant Shit Tests - RP

Aaren_Augustine · 2016-12-02T08:56:57+00:00

Change over time, man. Pick your battles wisely. Lead without assuming she will follow. She didn't follow. This time. Can you blame her over your poor leadership history?

No need to scold your wife. Keep leading until she sees you are congruent enough to follow. Your actions will show this.

INSTEAD, your direction was rejected by your wife and you got butt hurt. Then you ran to your wife, had a tantrum and made your weakness known to your MIL as well; who is a guest in YOUR home. So now you are drawing in needless negativity. Then you got butt hurt they wanted to avoid your negativity. You stamped around like one of your kids in a tantrum. YOU made this worse over what? Is there some safety concern about your MIL staying in your kids’ room? Does she have a history of smothering small creatures?

I wouldn't have said anything to Mom and I would have passively aggressively bitched about the shut she'd pulled. but the RP man I'm committed to becoming said Hell No!

You yelling loud enough for MIL to hear IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE, just more aggressive than passive.

You believe shit test equals nail. You believe you are the hammer.

Shit tests are little verbal checks to see if they are able to be safe under your care.

cholomite · 2016-12-02T16:52:14+00:00

"Wife called our marraige counselor...who backed me up ;)"

Faggot.

You sound like a smug little kid who just proved some stupid moot point. Good job standing your ground but you sound too passive aggressive and butthurt still. Your frame needs to be from a confident happy place, not a defensive butthurt place. That's why she is shit testing you so much, she knows you're technically not "failing" them, but you're not alpha enough to truly NGAF and outright pass them. There's a disconnect that doesn't add up and she's poking and prodding until she can get to the truth. My advice, keep an upbeat attitude and give less fucks.

BobbyPeru · 2016-12-02T07:02:30+00:00

Dude your post kind of veered off course there towards the end. Holy shit can I relate though. The key is to not take her so damn seriously , Which takes practice, and is easier said than done. I think you're DEERing a little bit too much before STFU.

One thing that has worked for me really well recently is, I will just simply say, "if you want to have a Pleasant conversation, I'm in. Otherwise, count me out. I'm not going to entertain that BS. "

I actually did that earlier tonight, and she changed her tune pretty pretty quickly. She was still a bit sulking but the shit testing stopped for the night. I don't give a shit if she wants the sulk, the key is she was in my frame.

RedPillQuest · 2016-12-02T14:48:14+00:00

What you said: We agreed on X. Why didn't you do X? We agreed. We agreed.

What I heard: You did wrong you did wrong we agreed we agreed why did you do that to meeeeee?

The spirit of your words is correct, you are trying to be the authority. But you come across butthurt and not OI. So let's backtrack and figure out how we got here.

Wife and I agreed that...

Two possibilities: 1) She made the choice for your mom to sleep in the guest bedroom...YOU agreed. If so, why arent you leading? Why is she making decisions? 2) You asked her opinion on the issue and 'agreed' on a course. If so, why aren't you leading? Why wasn't it just, "babe you're mom is sleeping in the guest bedroom"?

But now the argument is happening, so let's go back there.

Maybe she had a reason, so give benefit of the doubt so she cannot double back later: "What was that about?" (Notice she now will need to explain her actions to you, the man in charge). If she gives a perfectly good reason? "You're right, I forgot about the car sized hole in the wall in the guest bedroom", then good thing you have a competent first officer. If she gives a shitty reason? "I thought that blah blah blah" "No, because (reason here), next time consult me before leapfrogging me. Do not do that again." If she tries to beat you into beta mode? "Oh get over it". Set the boundary: "No no, that won't fly in my house. Do not do it again."

Do you see how all 3 of those responses have you as the decision maker? It's not a whine with a hidden question "We agreed..." (hidden question: Why did you turn back on our agreement?) It's not you continually trying to shame her that she broke your agreement (she doesnt care). It's you taking charge.

I know what you're thinking: "What if she tells me to take a hike when I put my foot down?" You tell me. I'm curious as to how you'd respond.

I want a back rub and sex

What the fuck? Have you read? Wheres the kino, initiate, push/pull. Overt, and especially planned future overt sex demands are absolutely BP. She heard that and dried right the fuck up. And you got starfish...surprise surprise.

Here's a pat on that back though for holding frame cleaning. (Pat).

Aaren_Augustine · 2016-12-02T17:25:20+00:00

The next day I told wife I wanted sex and a backrub when the boys went to bed. She coldly said "fine" and yep, frigid starfish sex.

Wow, I'm so surprised she wasn't ready to hop on your dick after how smooth you were.

mrpthrowa · 2016-12-02T12:44:42+00:00

Well I think you rather did well, but:

1) Should stfu more, or just remove your presence. When she acts up, leave. Train her like a dog.

2) Where is your fun side - would anybody find you fun? how is your game? seems like it's dreadful if you just "tell" your wife you want to sex her.

Persaeus · 2016-12-02T12:58:57+00:00

I've made it clear that I'm changing and don't have any intention of being her BP pansy assed pushover of a husband any more (almost verbatim what I broken record to her).

The only thing that is clear is that you are totally fucking this up Rambo. ACTA NON VERBA

Why are you telling her about your changes or how it is going to be? This whole post is so gay.

You should have settled the matter with MIL before she even arrived or as soon as she did.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-12-02T09:13:03+00:00

You made the decision to confront your wife over her mom staying in the boys' room. But then you said, "starting tomorrow..."

Why?

Why not tell her to go tell her mother that it's best if she sleep in the guest room? That's what you both agreed to, and your wife sabotaged it. Now she has to fix it.

You are treating your wife as though she has equal say in the decisions of the marriage. She does not want this. She wants you to lead. She wants to follow. When she leads, everybody fucks up. Don't you get this?

"I repeat 3x and then just STFU"

That's not shutting the fuck up. That's repeating yourself over and over again. When you train a dog, you train it to follow your command the first time. If you do this, then it will follow your command the first time. But if you repeat your commands, then you're training your dog that he doesn't have to follow the first command, he only has to follow it if you repeat it.

Her behavior will follow rewards. If you reward shitty behavior, then you'll get shitty behavior. If you reward good behavior, then you'll get good behavior.

redearththeory · 2016-12-02T12:59:03+00:00

Question is this: how long, or how many times will I need to hold frame, call her on her shit, and be the oak in her storm before crying, silent treatment, and repeatedly calling me a shovenistic ass doesn't last for 2 days at a time?

About 8 months and 3 main events in my case. But it does work and you will eventually get there.

I walked into our bedroom where my wife was and told her that she'd been disrespectful and dishonest, and that she would NEVER try that shit again.

The fact that you took this super personally and went nuclear was unnecessary. Its progress and your reaction was better than some beta deering or whining, so thats good. But it would have been stronger to dismissively attack her for being inconsistent and incompetent and then go set MIL straight yourself.

rocknrollchuck · 2016-12-02T14:41:11+00:00

I see all Rock and very little Oak. This post was really good at helping me to discern the difference between the two.

RedPillQuest · 2016-12-02T15:27:06+00:00

Does she see your vision for this family?

Does she know that she should no longer be 'doting daughter' but rather '100% supporting wife'?

plein_old · 2016-12-02T16:11:39+00:00

Great story. Just not sure that the explaining is helpful - like why you cleaned your closet.

Now if you can just bring more humor and joy into the whole picture, that might make you feel better, and also give your wife less fuel for her angst, so to speak.

blue_to_red · 2016-12-02T17:31:20+00:00

"don't have any intention of being her BP pansy assed pushover of a husband any more (almost verbatim what I broken record to her)"

This probably sounds to her like a temporary new thing you are trying. Most likely doesn't sound like you and more like something you are merely repeating. You don't have to explain. Acta, non verba!

How long will it take? AWALT, it will take every day for the rest of your life. It's called work!

RedPillQuest · 2016-12-02T19:13:21+00:00

OH, so the counselor backed you up?

You want the counselor to fuck your wife for you too??

phd253sll · 2016-12-02T19:40:47+00:00

Why is her sleeping in the kids room such a big issue. There can certainly be lots of good reasons why but what are yours specifically and does/did the mrs agree? Maybe your MIL is bulldozing your wife too and needs you to lead her- not fight her.

RedPillQuest · 2016-12-02T19:42:41+00:00

"Question is this: how long, or how many times will I need to hold frame, call her on her shit, and be the oak in her storm before crying, silent treatment, and repeatedly calling me a shovenistic ass doesn't last for 2 days at a time? "

Think of the baby you're trying to train to sleep through the night. Rush in ONE TIME, and you'll reset the process. Give in to your wife ONE TIME ... even give indication that Beta B is in the building, and you'll reset.

As to how many - as many as it takes. Likely, you'll just reduce the frequency. MRP makes no promises. If you want the promise of sex, then at the end of a long journey, you get to the territory of "F--- me or F--- you."

The general rule of thumb is 1 month for every year of Blue Pill marragie. I have no idea if that is accurate.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-12-02T21:23:54+00:00

You're welcome.

;-)

470_2_700_nm · 2016-12-05T21:06:40+00:00

You lost frame the moment mother in law walked in with the kids and shut the door. You reinforced in both of their heads that your words are only words, and that you will not take action to follow up. Thus, you reinforced that you are nothing but an ATM machine with no leadership, which by the way they are quite content with for the time being. (Eventually your wife's pussy will dry and chafe so badly that Chad will be required to moisten the situation).

Stick to your guns man. And stay the course - you may need to delay leading until you are no longer a pussy. Try not to go MRP Rambo (I certainly did, I advise against it). Just become awersome and lift and it will happen.

Keep going, I feel your pain.

nastynickdr · 2016-12-02T09:57:43+00:00

You already know the answer. She wants her beta bitch back. She knows hes deep down there, somewhere. Dont cave. You are still taking her too seriously and DEERing. That "Lets try that again. Im sure you dont mean blablabalbla..." Seriously, cut that crap. When shes shit testing you, treat her like the 5 year old child she is being. Would you explain with all your rational logic why you do this or that to a 5 year old?

Her: "You´re being an ass"

You: "Damn right I am"

You: "Yes i´d like some ass"

You: "Oh you want it in the ass"?

Anything but taking her seriously. I fell for something like that "guilt for making her feel bad" when my last LTR was going to shit. We were fighting and she said "if you must know, im seeing a psychiatrist because of all this stuff going on". That hit BP bitch me like a truck, I was overthinking for days, damn was I really being a dick, does she really deserve this? A few days later I found that "oh I wasnt going to a psychiatrist, It was professional coaching".

innominating · 2016-12-02T11:14:23+00:00

You are doing a lot right and you will likely be successful at MRP but right now You are RP Ramboing. Work on being cocky funny and she'll start saying that you are being an asshole with a smile on her face and wet panties, and when you tell her you want sex, she won't say "fine" and give you starfish.

Specific advice:

First, the boundary you set about MIL is fine. Your wife was trying to please you and MIL. She relented to MIL You probably could have captained around this by pulling MIL aside earlier and telling her that she would be sleeping in the guest room and not the boys room.

After wife violated the boundary you should have calming addressed the issue right then in front of MIL. "No, remember we agreed that it is best for the boys if MIL doesn't sleep in their room."

Absent that your reaction was fine, although being loud enough for MIL to hear but not assertive enough to have a conversation in front of MIL was passive aggressive.

screechhater · 2016-12-02T11:46:44+00:00

Stay on course. She actually likes the change cause it gives her something to hamster about. If you avoid full on asshole Rambo shit, things should smooth out.

As fir telling her you want sex and s back rub ? Fuck that's full on starfish making. Especially with MILbin the house. Kino, game. Then initiate. Men do no talk. Unattractive. Hence- starfish.

You may have a good main event coming or not. Depends on his you hold frame. OYS is 3/4 of the battle, and as long as you keep improving - it's easier

Title	Persistent/Constant Shit Tests - RP
Author	RedPillQuest
Upvotes	3
Comments	61
Date	December 2, 2016 6:43 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/askMRP
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/persistentconstant-shit-tests-rp.206822 https://theredarchive.com/post/206822
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5g1wad/persistentconstant_shit_tests_rp/