Physically abusive soon-to-be-ex-wife hints

December 7, 2015


I found myself in a situation with a physically abusive spouse. The sole reason for this are my own choices in my past.

My divorce hearing in on Wednesday.

I'm consulting my lawyer tomorrow.

We have 3 kids. I'd love to move out but because of law, moving out before divorce is a very bad idea.

Today morning was the second time during last week when I was physically assaulted when I was leaving to work. She's shorter and lighter than me and she is not really able to do any damage except some scratches.

Things I want to consult here:

  • unless there is a real physical treat (like knife), I don't want to get police involved, at any cost. There were some TRP threads that suggested this. Any thoughts on this? Any first-hand experience stating otherwise?

  • I already do voice recording. Any hints on video recording? This would be cool evidence; I've got a smartphone, but it looks pretty impossible to place it in such way it won't be easy to notice; any ideas on this? Any first-hand experience with concealed video recording devices?

  • I don't want to hit her back, as I see no point in such behavior. She's not really able to damage me; on the other hand her behavior is preventing me from leaving house on time to get to work; any ideas how could I remove myself from that situation without resorting to physical force (except moving her away)? I don't want to use pepper spray as there are children at home, also that's a closed space, also pepper spray can cause breathing problems; it's not a tool that I could use and just leave; I actually thought (I'm serious here) about getting a can of shaving gel and using it on her when she gets furious; perhaps cold water could also help;

  • I get lots of text messages from her, this is mainly about how much did I hurt her; I already know, I've read some books about BPD and NPD; does her behavior ring a bell, any ideas what problem may that be - and any hints how can I lead the situation to get her to calm down somehow, or at least to get her more cooperative? Since a few years I don't hear anything else from her but only how did I hurt her there and there, somehow I feel like every single one situation I did is a problem causing pain for her; the deal is that I totally stopped caring if she feels hurt or not - I continuously kept hearing from her about her pain for so long and about nothing else. From my perspective and life experience, her situation with me is not bad at all.

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Post Information
Title Physically abusive soon-to-be-ex-wife hints
Author ex_addict_bro
Upvotes 6
Comments 16
Date December 7, 2015 10:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
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[–]enfier4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This isn't the appropriate forum for most of these questions. There are legal implications and the laws differ so you'll need to get a good answer from your lawyer.

What you can do is keep a journal of each incident. Write down the date and time, who said what, the specific attacks she did, your reaction, etc. Write it in pen and paper and keep it hidden. If you worry about it getting taken, snap a photo with your cellphone and keep it in Dropbox or similar. When asked you'll have specific examples with a clear recollection of exactly what happened.

If your health is under actual threat you should call the police. You'll need to make 3 points - she had the intent to harm you, the ability to harm you and you were in fear. You might say "She was in the kitchen next to the knives, she said she was going to fuck me up and I was afraid for my life." Ability, intent, fear and that call is a wrap for the police.

Do not escalate the abuse. If she's not a threat, do nothing. If she is a threat, remove yourself from the situation. If you must respond with violence, then use an appropriate amount of violence. Something like shaving cream is just childish and pointless.

Don't respond to the text messages. Just keep a record and move on.

You'll need to win the battle for credibility on multiple levels. With the court, with the police, your job, with your friends, with your immediate family and with your extended family. They should all hear about the abuse directly from you before your wife has an opportunity to poison the well. Your actions and your words need to all match up and make sense - if she's abusive you should be looking to protect yourself right now. Your lawyer should be able to give you some appropriate steps to take. An example would be - your wife was abusing you, so you left the house, then you went to your parents, then you called the police, then you went to get a restraining order. That's a reasonable escalation - pepper spraying her inside the house is not.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I believe marriedredpill has some posts on affair busting, a lot of the spy tech is mentionned in it too

[–]its-iceman2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why are you against calling the police at all costs? If you were spontaneously physically abusive to her, you'd be in jail tonight. Why the double standard?

[–]strategos_autokratorRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because most police side with the woman. There are tons of examples in TRP of men that called, it was obvious the woman attacked him, and the woman would claim she hurt her nail while scratching him and he goes to the pokey.

The only way is if you have witnesses or if recording is allowed where you live to verify your story. And still, you might spend the night in custody and be falsely accused criminally.

[–]innergametrumpsall0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're new

[–]jerry_rigger2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  • unless there is a real physical treat (like knife), I don't want to get police involved, at any cost. There were some TRP threads that suggested this. Any thoughts on this? Any first-hand experience stating otherwise?

Well, I hate to break it to you but,


In a divorce you'll need all the ammo you can get.

No police, no police report. No police report, no records of assault. No records of assault, then it's just here say. If its just arguing here say, they're more likely to side with the woman if they do take a side.

In college I stuck my dick in crazy, like bat shit stalk, assault you, and threaten suicide fucking crazy. Anyways I had to call the cops to remove her from my apartment more than once. After the second time I asked the cop what I could do. He stated that I needed to get a restraining order and to call the cops every time in order to build a paper trail of evidence. Cop was cool as fuck and sympathized while poking fun at me.

You're in a similar situation, but with way more to lose. The system is in favor of women, but if you play the game right you can stack the odds in your favor.

[–]blarggggggggggg1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

check out the bpdfamily website and look at the resources there for dealing with borderline people - techniques like S.E.T. - and validation can sometimes help discussions from veering into crazytown.

I can't remember the brand - saw it mentioned in marriedredpill I think - of a self-installed wifi security system for recording the home interior. You can frame it as something you're doing for the safety of the kids.

But you really need to work w/ your lawyer on all this. Good luck at the hearing.

[–]CountpudyoolaMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get some double sided tape and a voice activated small video audio recorder. Place somewhere where you usually have physical run ins with her. Make sure it has a good shot of the room. Read over this for ideas.

Also download bambuser for your phone. You can set it to one touch stream to your account. Free. People use it when cop blocking in case they confiscate and tamper with the phone. You can set it to still be recording when the screen is off as well.

Document all of that. Whether you get the police involved or not I'd imagine it would go far with your divorce/child custody hearings.

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Well this is certainly FUBAR. Is it Alpha or Beta to pepper spray your wife? I vote for Beta and I wouldn't recommend it. Holy Shit!

This is NOT legal advice so you need to see a lawyer ASAP but this is what I would do: After you talk to your lawyer, I would be to go to the police station if you have scratches. Take pics of the scratches with your phone. I would definitely make a police report if you are injured in the slightest. Don't call them to the home but go to the station and file a written report. Tell them you don't want to prosecute but an assault occurred that you wanted to report. Tell them the situation. Play the tape for them and make a written report. I would ask them what you are supposed to do but I wouldn't expect an answer.

Fucking tape everything with your crazy wife. Narrate what is happening calmly while she rages and attacks you. Don't instigate her or egg it on in any way. You will probably be questioned about everything you say on the tape so be stoic and calm as a judge and you will probably win big.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Is it Alpha or Beta to pepper spray your wife?

Beta, unless it's bear spray.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This made me laugh. I was In a room once when bear phaser went off in the house, not pleasant

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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