Q about Starfish

BobbyPeru · 2017-09-07T01:41:39+00:00

Here's where a lot of guys go wrong:

If you're getting the starfish vibe and you start losing your desire, slowly roll off her. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sometimes you can just make out with your wife. But, if you are still turned on, go caveman.

You don't have to say anything when you roll off. Lots of guys make that mistake, and it's a subtle form of DEERing.

Just roll off and lay there.

Hopefully that's not too simple.

zurgenfloggin · 2017-09-07T01:25:20+00:00

Most of the time I opt out if it's starfish. I don't do it to affect her, or try to predict or read her reaction to it. I just don't want to if that's all there is. I do the "ok, let's pass tonight", and I get up and do something else.

Here's the thing: don' t key off of her -- how will she take this? Am I doing this right? etc. The whole idea is to take charge of what you want.

Sepean · 2017-09-07T07:26:35+00:00

I ended up deciding that the knock back starfish Advice B option is probably more for the more advanced mrp'er who can show the wife that the options thing is probably true and sex is regular enough that bad sex should not be tolerated.

If she puts in effort half of the time, you're good rolling off when she doesn't. Another time to roll off is if she has weird inhibitions that aren't in sync with the other stuff she's open to.

It's not about being advanced, more about using it appropriatedly.

Also, you don't need to combine it with lots of dread if that's what you think. If you're getting good sex she knows you have some value, and girls know their most valuable asset is her pussy - pulling out and walking out will make her react.

BigB1901 · 2017-09-08T14:45:51+00:00

Starfish sex is normal, she is just not into you at that point and she is being nice so you leave her be. The goal is for you to feel good not her but that sometimes requires her to lose control.

We all get starfish sex. However, if you fuck her good and hard (bed needs to be squeaking) you can flip it and you will have an amazing time. If you do it right (figure out what works for u) she will have no choice but to get into it. That could be an certain angle, pining her down, throwing a blanket over her or losing 10 pounds.

screechhater · 2017-09-07T01:32:37+00:00

% body fat ?

Are you pounding a hole like a deaf mute ?

You aren't ready

donedreadpirate · 2017-09-07T12:50:54+00:00

If you have a 60% success rate and only get laid twice a week you are not initiating nearly enough. Maybe you're cool with 2x a week though. If you aren't into the sex you just stop.

Red-Curious · 2017-09-07T06:50:26+00:00

Rule 1: Never turn down sex before it starts; only after, if it's bad.

Early on I made the mistake of prematurely turning down sex before it even started because I could tell it wouldn't be any good. This sent the wrong signal: Don't initiate. The signal I wanted to be sending was: Don't be lazy when we're having sex. You have to start sex to get her to realize that's her problem. Even if you can tell she's not into it before you start, you still have to start to show her you're not interested.

Rule 2: Don't get butthurt; don't explain yourself.

If you're butthurt, she may get the hint and realize she needs to step up her game. But you're also associating sex with you getting angry at her. That's a bad association to build. "Thanks for revving my engines. I gotta get stuff done now." But neither of us finished?!? "Just priming the pump for next time! Be ready."

Rule 3/Last Resort: Keep going, but don't finish.

If all else fails and she's still starfishing you and you're not into it, just roll over and ask her to get you off. Let her try for a while before she ultimately gives up. "Don't worry, babe. Maybe next time." Then smile and smack her butt as you walk away. Let her hamster do the work for you. Why couldn't I get him off? Am I not good enough for him anymore? When she sees that her "best moves" aren't cutting it for you, but that your frame is unphased, she might take that as a cue that she actually needs to try. I call this a last resort, though, because if applied long-term it will make her think: (1) that you're low libido and just aren't as into sex as you pretend, or (2) that you're unattractive because you can't finish what you started in the bedroom. Don't let it get to that point. One or two times only as a gentle nudge, then get back on the horse.

Or course, as others have said, before you go denying anything make sure you're actually as high value as you think you are. From our past conversations, you've mentioned that she's a pretty alpha girl herself. SMV is not a static scale we measure everyone against. It's fluid with each person's perception. If she's pretty alpha, she may not perceive her SMV as being lower than yours, even if the rest of the world would think so. You've got to shift her perception of this. (1) Actually improve your SMV. (2) Apply a few levels of dread.

simbarlion · 2017-09-07T01:07:43+00:00

Advice C is go for the chocolate starfish. Seriously though, it really is about attraction. Are you gaming her? Is your appearance sorted? Are you leading?

chachaChad · 2017-09-07T00:38:53+00:00

Actually denying is going to get a reaction out of her that you may not be able to handle. I know I’m not there yet.

Last time I thought it was going to be star fish after I pushed past a soft no I told her ok we don’t need to this. She sort of rallied past that and upped her game slightly. Wasn’t star fish or porn star but it was an improvement.

AustralianArm · 2017-09-07T01:32:50+00:00

Advice C - Just go caveman and do it for you

druganswer · 2017-09-07T01:48:27+00:00

how is your DEVI?

JDRoedell · 2017-09-07T13:31:02+00:00

Always initiate when you want. For me, if she starfishes it or cops a "I'm doing this for you" posture I go limp. It's not worth my time so it's easy to have OI and NGAF. Just like when you're not hungry and someone offers you food. At that point it's easy for me to say, "nah, not doing it for me" or "maybe tomorrow."

Title	Q about Starfish
Author	simbarlion
Upvotes	1
Comments	21
Date	September 7, 2017 12:28 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6yjq95/q_about_starfish/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/q-about-starfish.205520 https://theredarchive.com/post/205520