TLDR; Effectively the wife said "whenever we have sex I just want to cry" and I held frame and went about it. She responds with lots of affection/sex and then repeats. I'm still an oak, just making sure I'm not missing something.

Age: 37; wife 38; married 18y; 3 kids, 15, 12, 10

Height: 6'4, 241lb., 15-20% bf (closer to 15 but not below it), biggest/best shape of my life, lift daily

History: Effectively started MAP in Feb. About 50% and 15lb. from where I want to be (outside of finances). I'm a blue collar guy by trade but mostly successful, wife and I split up a couple of times many years ago but stayed married, both of us had significant early childhood issues when we met which I suspect lead to some co-dependent bullshit on both of our parts. Sometimes she will test my frame for quite a while (about 1 day). The more I hold frame the more she ratchets up the pressure and eventually she says something to change my mood and I just STFU and kind of avoid her around the house until I cool off (or go do something). Once she manages to make that happen even a little bit she cheers up like a kid with a new toy. This is dysfunctional to the max. As I have improved, this has decreased. The last time was about 6 weeks ago.

I don't have a direct question, I just want advice. About 2 months ago I started the 'fun dad/husband' routine and I took back my life. I look and feel better ever have. My peers notice the improved attitude. I've been encouraging my wife to get more assertive in bed as we start pushing some limits in the bedroom.

Two weeks ago I noticed the wife seemed down. I asked about it and she said she was fine. I kept noticing an abnormal mood and then last week a decline in sexual enthusiasm. About a week ago during sex she went total starfish which is abnormal. I asked her a few questions after about how work was etc. just to see where the stress was and to get an indication if there was a bigger unspoken problem (guilt/cheating, who knows).

She says "whenever we have sex I just want to cry". I'm thinking some kind of depression. I didn't take it personally (should be a mrp rule, don't take it personal, whatever it is). She was out of town a week earlier for a wedding. I'm sure she saw herself in that to a point and reflected on how messy reality is, and that not everything is a fairy tale. Also our oldest (15) is dating her first boyfriend and is head over heels about it. Like in an unrealistic and tragic sort of way. Two days later and up until tonight she has been as horny and as forward as she has been in the last 10 years.

Tonight I softly initiate to get things started, and she lets me know shes good to go for later. I go out and get a few things done, and come back when she is in the shower. I sit down to read the news and she starts doing this and that. I dont initiate because she is busy. She doesnt directly initiate because she is passive to the extreme. If she otherwise initiated I totally missed it. Eventually she makes a comment that Im to busy and I take her to the bedroom where she dries up. I was kind of annoyed because I'm trying to get it through to her that once in a while, sometimes when she wants something, she has to make a decision and actually say words out loud. She says a bunch of stuff about not being comfortable. I try to comfort. I initiate hard and we get to it. Again turns total starfish. I came on her ass and we went about our evening. I'm sure shes frustrated but I wasn't about to talk about my feelings. I kept the mood light and fun, I assume this is just her acclimating to the adjustments I've made over the past few months. I didn't take anything personal (this has become my golden rule to avoid butt hurt and general negativity).

Mostly I just STFU. I still DEER to myself sometimes internally. I tease my wife a lot and my kids too. Lots of push-pull. That all comes naturally. Sex is as good as its ever been, and getting better. This recent stuff I assume is all a test from her subconscious strategy and just like everyone who is comfortable, she wants to avoid change especially if it reflects a required change on her part. I assume all this stuff is going to straighten itself out over time, but honestly if she would have said the stuff about wanting to cry during sex back in January I would have been all sorts of pissed off.