~ archived since 2018 ~

Resources for managing anger / temper

July 13, 2018


Been a while since I’ve posted here. Everything continues to track up. 1RM as follows

B 345

Sq 365 (knee surgery 3.5 months ago so slowly working back)

D 425 (same...)

OHP 215

Starting to see abs lines when not flexed or dehydrated... BF continues to move down and is probably around 14-16% or so. Sex is whenever and however I want... still working on wherever. Game is good. Life is good.

Here’s my question:

What resources have you guys found to be useful as far as learning to deal with your anger and your temper in a helpful way? I’m not talking about the anger phase towards your spouse. Instead I’m talking about anger in general such as having a short fuse in traffic, dealing with coworkers, or other common scenarios. This is an area that I have a lot of room for growth. Most of my focus so far has been on stuff like Meditations from MA and stoicism.

I’m looking for a more “down in the weeds” hands on approach on managing a temper. The Mayor is partially the Mayor because he isn’t affected by trivial shit whereas that’s an area I suck at right now. I’m sure some of you guys have as well.


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Post Information
Title Resources for managing anger / temper
Author CaptJohnLukeDiscard
Upvotes 6
Comments 30
Date July 13, 2018 4:34 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
Archive Link
Original Link
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[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don't sweat the small stuff. And really, it's all small stuff.

Just a changed viewpoint, that's all. It just comes down to frame.

[–]Reach180Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You are right that it really comes from a change in perspective. I go with "Embrace the suck."

Like, if you are having shitty service at a restaurant, enjoy the fact that it might be the shittiest service you'll ever have. Most things that piss you off are minor, so just revel in the absurdity of it all.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Reminds me of a situation I was in about 9 months ago. 20+ other adults I’m with are losing their shit at a situation completely outside of our control.

Me, I’m siting there laughing at the entire thing thinking about what a great story this is going to make and how I’ll be laughing about it for years to come. What would have been a completely unremarkable, unmemorable experience ended up being something worth remembering.

Sometimes it’s all about perspective.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oldie but goodie!

[–]redwall926 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of things." - Epictus

Keep reading the stoics.

[–]wekacuck8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

A good complement to stoicism is Buddhism and in particular mindfulness meditation. One way of looking at it is that mindfulness is a skill-building exercise where you learn to be aware of thoughts and emotions and to practice sorting and processing them. Through repetition, identifying and processing thoughts and emotions becomes closer to an automatic reflex.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I second this, for me the work of Jon kabat-zin is excellent on mindfulness based stress reduction.

Paying attention to thoughts non-judgmentally and letting them go before the become actions / behaviours.

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good stuff. I’m definitely weak at that.

[–]bigskymind0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The daily discipline of a meditation practice is just as important as lifting in my view.

[–]helaughsinhidden5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Basically, I treat everyone as though they are emotionally traumatized people living with brain damage. If you can look at the dysfunction of a human and assign it to a source that is out of their control, it helps to build empathy and compassion.

Example:In a meeting a coworker says some really backhanded shit in front of your boss. If you knew they were beat by their dad and you look and sound just like him and because he fell down some stairs and didn't quite heal correctly in the head he is left with no filter on what you should and should not say, you'd cut that dumb ass some slack, right?

Reality is that scenario is actually pretty spot on. Humans are both the most sophisticated and advanced known thing in all of creation and simultaneously the most flawed and messed up being to live. Everyone is damaged. Everyone is blind. Everyone is broken. When this happens to me, I am simply reminded that I am the only adult in the room. DARE works in these situations as well if you feel the need to respond.

Bonus Tip: If you have a hard time with your anger around kids, treat them like miniature drunk friends and you are the designated driver.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Go back over Meditations again. Then Epictetus. For shits and giggles you can add reading up on Diogenes and Cynicism to the mix. His school of Cynicism laid the foundations for Zeno and what would become later become Stoicism.

Then maybe some Alan Watts and a bit of Buddhism (lots of overlap with Stoicism).

Actually internalize that you are only in control of your thoughts and actions. Nothing else. Period.

If those facts can’t help you come to the realization that 99.9% of the things that anger you are bullshit, then I can’t help you.

Hopefully someone else has a better answer, but reading, rereading and putting those concepts into action has helped me tremendously.

A good litmus test is to ask yourself if you will still be angry about whatever you are angry about in a year from now? If you won’t be angry about it in a year, it’s not worth being angry about today either. You can CHOOSE not to be angry about it.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The Mayor is partially the Mayor because he isn’t affected by trivial shit

This tells me you already know the answer. Maybe you are posting here hoping we have some magical way to make it not be so hard? In the end, having a DNGAF attitude will help. Stop caring so damn much. It's okay to get passionate. Don't become a robot. But, drama with coworkers should be amusing because you are above it. Short fuse in traffic? Laugh at the absurdity of some of the drivers out there. Hell, get a dashcam and post to /r/idiotsincars if it makes you feel better.

You have identified a problem. Good. I believe you have the tools to address the problem. Great. Now you are left to put in the work, sweat, and effort of swinging your tools to build your best self.

[–]gameoflibidos2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

No offense.. cause i've been lifting long enough to know the temptation and how hard it is if you dont... but your lifts are pretty high, are you stacking gear? Cause that'll do it for sure.

Generally for myself,.. i've found the more I improve myself and the more content I become with my life as a result, the less I tend to have angry outbursts, even while driving (although that still happens).

It's been almost a year since I've been in any type of yelling fight with the wife. If she tries (and she does) I just sit there like a immoveable boulder until she calms down and change the subject and she's back to normal.

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

TRT but no gear for me... I have nothing against gear except that it ages the shit out of a dude's face and skin. I played sports through college so a decent foundation of weights that some guys don't have. I personally think my lifts are pretty low.

Reading through these comments, I don't think I'm good (at all) at being aware of what I'm thinking in the moment so I don't react to stressors except through anger. At this point, the anger reactions are more of a habit probably than anything else. Pavlov's dog and all that shit.

[–]Reach180Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

your lifts are pretty high, are you stacking gear?

Fuckin A. It makes me sad for the state of men that 300 and 400 lbs lifts are all it takes to get steroid questions.

OP, no disrespect. Those are solid numbers. But if we're talking PEDs, a guy better be getting some freak level shit out of it.

[–]lasttuesdaystacosGuns of Ramborone2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had this same issue. Still working it out but I think I got some major insights. A lot of it is well presented in nmmng. Where my anger was coming from was a lot of me basing my life on expectations that were not internal. I'm mad in traffic because I'm sitting in it for someone else etc... once I realized that I made tremendous gains correlating my anger to other people's expectations that consciously I pursued while subconciously detesting.

I've dropped a lot of fake persona at work where I acted how I thought I should be perceived as acting. And I started to tell my wife what I was going to do and do it without the need for deering and when she got bitchy it's been easy to not care. Something like this.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Anger is a over sense of injustice, or a flight or fight response.

Too many fucks are given, and your need of the world to make sense is tuned too high.

steel has it pretty much right.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For me, the realization I only have 1 crack at this thing called life, and it could end at any moment. I'd rather spend as much of it having fun and being happy as humanly possible. Like u/SteelSharpensSteel said, it's all small stuff...and the small stuff can be as humorous as you make it.

I still get mad, but it's not prolonged and it never affects my overall mood/worldview anymore.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

traffic is a great place to practice. i put a rubber band on my wrist and snapped myself every time i cussed at someone. kicked the habit pretty quick. feel like it spilled into other areas as well. it's hard to shut the fuck up when you're mad. but it pays

[–]SgtSilverBack1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

All my growth in anger management has been purely from introspection and learning self awareness. Books like The subtle art of not giving a fuck and When I say no I feel guilty helped open my perspective to be able to see my issues. Specifically the parts about Judgment. This helped me realize that I normally got angry when I knew I could have done more or OMS and failed.

After that realization I was able to begin just chilling the fuck out, do my best and not have to worry about defending my image through anger.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A Red Pill man is happy faggot.

More work to do ===>

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Study up on thought work. There are several different process that teach you how to change your destructive pattern of thinking. The key is to diligently practice whatever method you choose.

Thoughts create feelings. Change your thoughts, feelings change naturally

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What are you going to do about it? Get into someone's car and drive it for them?

Bitch about shit in your control.

And if you really don't want to deal with traffic, leave at a time when there is non (3AM comes to mind), and work your schedule around what you're prioritizing.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get into the gym @ 7 days a week. And, hammer away

It’s the only true source of a “relief valve”

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

One of the biggest ways I fixed road rage and calling everybody a cunt was listening to iHeartRadio comedy stations. My hour to and from work is now full of laughing and crying from good jokes. Aside from the gym it’s my favorite part of the day.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lifting weights and Focusing on the long game.

Traffic? Who gives a flying fuck. Use that time to listen to books or seminars on your phone.

It’s not what happens, what happens happens to everyone, it’s what you do about it, faggot.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

One of two things.

Either your lifts are bullshit and you need to lift to better deal with anger and aggression.

Or you are just an asshole and need therapy.

Road rage? What are you a 20 year old faggot?

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m definitely an asshole. Whether I need therapy is another matter. And my lifts suck but aren’t bullshit.

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My favorite is how /u/red-sfpplus feels the need to call out any guy who benches over 315.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Probably right, needs therapy.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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