I remember hearing on the livestream that u/hornsofapathy and u/weakandsensitive want to see people post a pic of their bitch tits when they post on askmrp. Here’s mine from ~1 year ago.

Also, for u/weakandsensitive, u/PutABabyInThat and all you other gordian knot cutters the simple answer that I think I really need is: She doesn’t matter and stop looking at her phone.

Yesterday after getting home from work I snoop on my wife’s phone and can see she read some erotic literature and masturbated. I have now observed quite a few times when she’s masturbated AFTER declining lunchtime sex and sometimes (like this) when she’s just masturbated.

I have been able to keep myself from bringing this up to her which has been the right move, but never bringing it up has also allowed me to continue to observe it on her phone where it’s not really hidden, just in her search history. I could not stop myself from using this as an excuse to ask for a little validation for myself and potentially stir up some shit.

I asked, how about sex tonight? I did this out of neediness for attraction validation. It was pretty clear to me even in this moment that I wanted to get a grade from her on where I’m at in my MRP progress. I actually do want sex too. Maybe I’m hamstring to justify it but I have very little trouble talking myself into “yea, you definitely want some sex right now”.

I received a brief but very familiar; “I’m so tired, I did so much sex stuff over our anniversary weekend, all the chores!! You took time off work for fun today and I did this that and this at home. You have no appreciation for all I do.” I respond like I have for a while now, “hey no worries, another time” and even though I don’t think I do it, my body language likely screams out in pain and butthurt. She then shifts from chores to another familiar discussion that goes like this.

Her: “I’m worried about how much you’re wanting sex. We just had sex two days ago.”

Me: “Don’t worry.”

Her: “Give me some reassurance.”

Me: “It’s fine, you said no.”

Her: (LOUD) ”I don’t need your permission to say no!”

Me: “you’re right”

Her: “Give me some reassurance.”

I do not know WTF she’s asking for here except that maybe it just boils down to she doesn’t believe me when I say it’s fine?

Then a new part of our discussion occurs. She starts to overtly (in desperation) describe to me that my pressure is killing her desire. She explains that it’s too much. She feels like she’s trying hard and she’ll never get me to a point where I’m satisfied. She says it’s so bad that she’s starting to feel like she’d just prefer masturbating on her own when she’s horney and she says she charged up her vibrator today just for this purpose.

I’m fucking floored. I chuckle and she says ‘ohh you’re so turned on thinking about my vibrator’ but I’m really laughing cus yea I already know you feel this way Mrs Daneskjold, you’ve not only been thinking about escaping me in this way, you’re already doing it regularly and I just cannot believe you’re telling me. Also, I’m fucking shocked that (without any history reading our sidebar) she is so easily able to describe how my validation seeking behavior is killing her desire. Like I want to think that what she says is all emotional waves to ride on top of, but shes speaking the MRP gospel and it shakes me out of my boat.

Then she gets into negotiation mode; “We have lot of sex already, 1x per week, 3x per week max is plenty. I need you, Ragnar, to take more time off work to help around the house and I need to you to give to me more emotionally, like now you’re barely even responding to anything I have to say”(phew! At least I’m kinda ShuttingTFU).

Then, a round accusations of an affair or me being on the verge of an affair occurred. This happened once about 6 months ago. She called my mother and cried about her suspicions of my strange behavior based solely on my weight loss and me acting a little different after reading like 3 articles on Rollo’s blog.

The affair accusation is happening about 1x per week in the last month and I either deny it truthfully or joke about it. When I’m being serious, I explain that cheating doesn’t seem like something that would ever serve me in the long term. This probably sounds like I want to avoid divorce (and I do) but what I don’t say is that an affair would be a shit way to get into the next relationship.

This conversation starts to get into a circle and I cling to a few points that I try to make:

1- Mrs Ragnar, you’re not responsible for me. You think it’s your job to take care of me (sexually) but it’s not.

2- I have no interest in hiding from you when I’m wanting sex and what kind. It’s important to me to keep bringing it up when I want to.

3- I don’t’ want to trade any of those behaviors for or negotiate around wanting sex.

I freaking hate thinking about myself making these statements because, at my stage in all this, when I say these things it probably comes across a little desperate and the sub communication I’m sending out is that the absolute opposite is true. I would probably be better off saying nothing at all, right? Even when she’s begging, or crying for me to give her a response to what she’s saying?

I was not prepared to receive this overt communication from her like this. When she gets overt, and even if she’s spelling out things that are right, like I’m turning her off with validation seeking behavior, do I need to treat this seriously? Or do I just need to relax and be patient? I’m mitigating a lot of my unattractive behaviors and faking some of the other shit pretty good. I know in a day or two or next week I’m going to be rubbing on her butthole with my thumb and we’ll both be happy. So why should I worry about it at all, right?

My cheat code for this problem, and please tell me if it’s not this simple is: She doesn’t matter and stop looking at her phone. Right?