I'm pretty new to MRP and this situation has been fucking with my head the last few weeks. Here is a copy of recent #2 to OYS.
- 38 y/o, 6'5", 105kg, Married 7 years, together 10 years, 3 kids (3, 5, 5)
- Squat: 95kg, Bench: 85kg, Row: 65kg, OHP: 57.5kg, DL: 105kg
Finished: MMSLP, WISNIFG, NMMNG, Rational Male Vol 1, Models, The Unchained Man - Alpha 2.0
Currently Reading: The Blue Pill Professor's Saving a low sex marriage: A Man's Guide to Dread, Seduction, and the Long Game and listening to Audiobook of Rational Male Vol 2.
So, the background is that my wife and I met when I was living in the UK. I'm from the US and she is from New Zealand. After 6 months of us being in a relationship, she went back to NZ for a few weeks to visit family and be in some friend's weddings. After her trip, things were not right between us and found some messages when she left her Facebook signed in on my iPod she borrowed, to her ex-boyfriend and her friend about the ex. I called her out and she said that she hung out with her ex and stayed at his place after a party but 'nothing happened'. (Yes, I know. I was a dumbass and naive as fuck and a huge case of oneitis).
Fast forward two years and we are engaged. While on a trip together overseas to visit her family, one night she comes clean and admits that they had sex. This was in 2011.
We are now living in her very small hometown (5000 people) where a lot of people never leave. Her ex is one of them. We've been here for nearly 5 years now and have only run into the ex a handful of times because of him being in the same high school friends circle. In the past, it's always been a huge problem and I normally am the one who gets all bitchy and act like a pussy about it. She says it doesn't matter to her if he's around because it's a non-issue with her and he's nothing and that I should be over it by now. In the last few months, there have been more situations where he is going to be at get-togethers that she wants to go to.
Once was back in December when I was back in the US for my grandfather's funeral. I get a text from her telling me the night before she went to the ex's 40th birthday party. She was invited by the ex's then-girlfriend because there were going to be high school friends coming into town. Then, this March, my wife's lesbian best friend had a private wedding. The friend is also good friends with the ex. After, they had a small dinner with about 8 friends including my wife and the ex. I knew she was at the dinner but didn't find out about the ex until this week because she knew there would be photos of the wedding at the reception/party, which is tomorrow night.
With the wedding tomorrow, I know that the ex will be there. I've told my wife that I know he's going to be there and that I was doing my best to deal with it.
I know that if she wanted to cheat, she would and that I shouldn't be putting her on a pedestal. I don't think there has even been other contact with the ex besides at those events with mutual friends. Still, it's been a huge cause for anxiety for a long time now.
My goal is to be at the wedding with an IDGAF attitude, or at least give that impression. Anyone else had similar situations? Looking for some feedback to set me straight.