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SMV Gap Preventing Sex?

September 8, 2015

Most of SO's excuses for not having sex are always along the lines of "I'm disgusted with myself, and too ashamed to...". I understand that this is usually a LMR excuse, and I am able to push through it usually, but now sex is in the dark, or with her fully clothed, and body hidden.

I have a few questions:

  1. If my SMV continues to rise would the average AWALT woman stop having that excuse? I.E. If Chad were around would she give him the same excuse? (this stuff seems to be deep and dark physcho stuff, so I'm not sure.)

  2. If my SMV continues to rise, increasing the gap between us, and she's "Batshit Crazy", am I on my way to divorce? I'd like to think I can lead her into a state of mental health, but Athol Kay and other forum posts suggest it's pointless to try.

  3. Currently trying to maintain Dread Level 5, (about halfway in my move from SMV 6 - 8). Should I lower to Dread Level 2, and wait to move up?

  4. Am I in her frame by GAF?

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Post Information
Title SMV Gap Preventing Sex?
Author rpnow
Upvotes 2
Comments 6
Date September 8, 2015 8:25 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
Archive Link
Original Link

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If she really is giving you these excuses, it's not usually last minute resistance. LMR is the last defense a woman uses to assure herself that she's not a slut and is not being untrue to herself by having sex. LMR is not usually, or at least it shouldn't be, an issue in a committed LTR.

  1. If your SMV continues rising but hers stays the same, you'll likely have problems, but not of the "she'll give it up to Chad but not to you" variety. In that event she should be scared to death of losing you and should be willing to give sex to you. The problems will not be that she won't have sex with you; it's her fear-- and the very real possibility-- you'll leave her for a better woman.

  2. If she's "batshit crazy", you'll be likely to divorce only if she wants to divorce; or if you want a divorce because you can easily replace a batshit crazy wife. You cannot "lead her into a state of mental health". If she is having mental issues, she can get better only with qualified help and only if she wants to.

  3. I wouldn't run any more dread if she's saying "I'm disgusted with myself". She wants to have sex only with lights off and body hidden because she feels bad about her physical appearance.

  4. No you're not "in her frame". You're just way overthinking this. The "I'm disgusted with myself " bit is calling for comfort; it's a comfort test.

[–]rpnow[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Any qualified help that you would recommend?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

if she really is batshit crazy (and not just weird or neurotic), then a psychiatrist and a counselor.

[–]mtgdanm80 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

OP is kinda in a tough spot. If your wife is actually not good looking, then you could encourage some time at the gym. If she is good looking then don't be afraid to tell her. Are you doing the 10 second kiss at all?

[–]rpnow[S,🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I probably get around to the 10SK about once a week. I need to up my game in that area. ATM she hates any contact. She let's me get it over with, but I'm sure there's no dopamine going through, which may be that I'm not yet Brad Pitt.

I think my validation is starting to come from her, and I know I need to push through this phase. I think I just got out of anger phase, and now I'm in this spot where there is little motivation, friends have convinced me I have low t, but I'm trying to do all the natural boosters.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd like to think I can lead her into a state of mental health

I believe you can if it is woman's stuff. True mental illness, not so much. I am surprised AK and the boys didn't tell you that Athol wrote that most drama queens are just looking for a king to show up and tell them to knock it off.

One of the many, many jobs of men is to reassure our wives they are attractive (when they get old and fat). You already blow through these LMR's so I would keep doing what you are doing but I would add more humor and light heartedness.

"You are so cute when you are ashamed" (best said in baby talk as if to a cute little baby).

You are indeed in her frame by putting any stock in her claims that she is disgusted or ashamed. That nonsense is HER frame. You need to bring her into yours.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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