STFU and Clean?

June 15, 2018

2 weeks into this and started reading NMMNG. I'm engaged and glad I got started on TRP/MRP so I can be set up for a solid marriage. Lifted regularly for the last 3 years, cleaned up the diet, significantly reduced alcohol in the last month, but have always been the guy that does what avoids conflict or took the approach of it's easier if I do it because the conflict will be avoided...I thought it was being aloof but looks more like a doormat.

Here's the thing. My fiance does not take initiative. I would like to trust her to clean the house, bathrooms once a week, vacuum, mop, dust, and cook. She cooks regularly. I've always been positive towards her on that. The rest of the cleanliness she seems to careless about. The bathrooms could be dirty for weeks....she'll complain that she notices it's dirty but won't connect the dots to grab cleaner and wipe the shit down. (Wait for me to do it, or start a fight OR my all time favorite "Can't you just help me?")

Now I'm all for creating my reality which is a clean house and maintained yard. So I should mow, water the flowerbeds, do my laundry, clean the bathrooms, clean the floors, dust, do the dishes, pick up her shoes and whatever else she leaves around the house, and by some divine intervention of doing that for myself it's going to click in her head that maybe she should do some of this shit?

My question is I don't have a problem doing all that stuff but then what the fuck do I need her for? How do I set the boundary of -I'll handle the man chores and you need to handle the dishes,cleaning and cooking and putting your shit away?

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Post Information
Title STFU and Clean?
Author mtwinemn
Upvotes 13
Comments 42
Date June 15, 2018 6:10 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
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[–]cholomite42 points43 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I like to tell my gf that the only requirement I have to stay with me, is to make my life better than it would be if I were single. That really gets her hamster going because as we all know, women need men more than men need women. A single guy is happy as a clam and a single woman is miserable. So she knows I would probably have a pretty good life as a single guy, but can't really rationalize why it's different in a relationship and it really makes her hamster wheel spin when she thinks about how hard she has to work to make her presence in my life worth it for me.

Once she knows my standard, it's all about being a man who is worth putting in the work for. I'll clean whatever needs to be cleaned because I'm a grown ass man and not some passive aggressive pussy, but if I want my girl to do something, I'll just tell her to do it. If she refuses I'll do it myself but she will be stuck thinking about if I would be better off without her, if she is making it worth it for me...etc. I don't clean up with a butthurt attitude or anything like, I know what I want in life, I know that I'm worth it, it's just up to her to put in the effort to stay in my life.

Become the prize, don't be afraid to take charge and boss her around, especially if you know she will get shitty with you, and I really can't stress enough how you should never get married. Good luck my dude.

[–]creating_my_life21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I like to tell my gf that the only requirement I have to stay with me, is to make my life better than it would be if I were single.

Relationships in one sentence. I've never heard it stated so clearly and succinctly before.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Acta Non Verba.

I don't tell my wife that I only need her for one thing, she knows it.

There is no better dread in the world than a grown-ass man who handles his shit like a boss.

[–]classicthrowaway863 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the right answer. I tried for years to ask my wife to do shit, id argue with her, get butt hurt etc, threaten her etc. This related back to dread. Once you’ve upped your SMV, and slowly and subtly implemented dread, just start doing the shit yourself, don’t ask her, just do it. If your SMV is higher than hers and you have a good frame, she’ll start to think “shit, does he even need me?”. My wife even started to straight out say it to me..

Now She keeps the house in top order, will even try and beat me to doing things, like a load of washing for example.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This comment is gold. Saved.

[–]MrChad_Thundercock-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m stealing it as well.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love it!

[–]TrustYourProcess0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Rian_Stone11 points12 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Question asked, question answered.

Why exactly are you keeping her around? How does she articulate this to you? If there's not a good answer, only a fool would add an anchor to his ship

[–]mtwinemn[S] -2 points-1 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

I keep her around because I would like to have a family. The sex was good before I went beta and the first week of red pill it was back on track. Credit that to dumbass luck but now I have a taste of getting what I want.

I enjoy her company and we have fun together.

[–]Rian_Stone12 points13 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

So you want her for sex and companionship, as well as securing your job at dads company. Plus, you get to rent her uterus for a few months and get a good babysitter

So why complain when she doesn't go above and beyond? Ypure getting everything you want, right?

[–]redwall925 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean this in all seriousness with all the jest I can muster after being married for 15 years...


Fuck you and your beautiful logic-chop.

[–]Rian_Stone2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I dont know what to say😢

[–]mtwinemn[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

I can't argue with that.

My question pertains to how does one go about setting higher expectations? or more along the lines of if I focus on keeping my house how I like it will it be off the table later on for her to handle it?

There's an old saying along the lines of never do well what you don't want to do often.

[–]justpickanyusername1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Translation. You don't think you can do any better.

[–]NightFire451 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Embrace conflict and delegate.

[–]mtwinemn[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Tell her I need her to clean up once a week. If she does..reward.

If not stay busy and let the mess pile up? That's the part I'm confused on.

[–]NightFire450 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Be direct on what are your expectations and come up with a plan with her and make her sign it. Use open ended probing questions when the her agreed upon chores aren't completed on time. Don't always give praise for chores either.

[–]SteelToeShitKicker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I work for her Dad

Find a new job, asap. This will not end well.

Then figure out if you really want her in your life.

[–]matrixtospartanatLV5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. Shacking up (engaged to) the bosses’ daughter. (No red flag there?) Want to have a family. When? Reading NMMNG. You enjoy her company and have fun together.


She’s not a house cleaner. And this is an issue to you, as it should be.

YOU are the Captain of your ship and you are currently evaluating a potential FO. On the face of it, they do pretty well, but one critical area needs a fair amount of work. And by this post, I’m guessing you wished she’d just ‘get it.’

You are a relatively new Captain, so this may be an opportunity for you to test your leadership, not only in general, but to see if this potential FO responds to your leadership in particular. Can you figure that shit out? I’ve read several good suggestions here for you. Can you LEAD her to be a complete, competent FO?

As I type this I’m fighting my marriage rant. 50% divorce rate. 70% of divorces started by women. Fighting the🤢...hard..I feel like Bruce Banner....fighting....🤮

Fuck it.

Why do you want to get married? What will get better? Nothing. NOTHING gets better with marriage. Not the sex. Not the money. Not the relationship. Not the house. And not the monogamy, loyalty, or fidelity, although after marriage those expectations run pretty fucking high.

There is only one reason to get married.


But do you even know WHY to have children?

Hint: it’s NOT your fucking legacy. If your last name isn’t Rockefeller or Vanderbilt, you don’t have a fucking legacy.

Let me explain. You can name both your parents. You can probably name all four grandparents. Without looking, how many of your 8 great grandparents can you name?

BOOM! The memory of you gone by the third generation and your genetic material diluted to around 12%.

Fuck your legacy.

So why have kids? They are whiny, needy, disrespectful, and expensive as fuck. Sometimes they come out stupid, or sick, or just die on you.

Better than Ginzu steak knives, “but wait, there’s MORE!”

If you do not plan to impregnate her on your honeymoon and pop out that first kid before your first anniversary, then what’s the rush?

You CAN have an RP marriage. But NOT after 2 weeks, or 2 months. It might be possible after 2 years.

You have to understand that marriage is the finish line for her, and the STARTING LINE for you. At marriage, her competition anxiety drops to zero, and she will get bored at double the rate you will. 5-7 years in, you’re thinking the shit’s not great, but it’s okay. She’ll be tired and fed up with your fat ass as she gets ready to branch swing, divorce rape you, take 50% of your shit and use it to fuck her new chad in your bed while she raises your children to hate you.

2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours.

I’m going easy on you because you are so new.

Read this:

Now read “The Rational Male” by Rollo Tomassi.

Then read the sidebar, from the beginning, word for word, clicking on every link and exploring every rabbit hole.

Now do it again.

All of it.

Now you have a chance at an RP marriage.

Marriage is the MOST EXPENSIVE decision you will ever make.

Research carefully.

Vet thoroughly.

Rant over.


[–]simbarlion2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's like a punch in the face EVERY time.


Love it.

[–]creating_my_life6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You should definitely rush into a contract with the Government such that if she doesn't have the tingles after a while you need to give her half your net worth, and then a monthly stipend so she can continue living a comfortable life.

It's early on Friday, maybe you can make it to the courthouse and get that done by end of day.

[–]Captain_pants42 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not only does she have you by the balls, but so does her daddy. Extricate

[–]mtwinemn[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I look at it as a challenge. I can implement the RP changes. My eyes are only just opening to being the relationship leader.

[–]SailorAground1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh boy, you sound a lot like me with my ex. She was cool to be around, before the marriage, and the sex was good, before the marriage, and sometimes she cooked and cleaned, before the marriage, and then we got married and it all went to shit. She will continue to not clean and then get pissed off at you when you tell her that you don't like it. If she's like my ex, she'll resent the fact that you make her act like a grown-up and then make you the bad guy in her head. Until you can set boundaries, enforce them, and then answer the question of what value she brings to your life, then you'll be stuck here.

Any woman can fuck you, have your kids, clean, cook, and be cool to hang out with -- some will even do it for a modest fee and then leave you alone completely until the next time you need them to provide that service -- but what special value does your fiance bring to the table? If you can't answer that question, then don't get married to this broad and definitely do not knock her up. If you don't know what special substance she's bringing to the relationship, then there's not going to be anything there to motivate you to do the work to keep that relationship going when times get tough and she's being a super bitch because you've moved to a new town and she doesn't know anybody, or she's completely immobile due to pregnancy complications and nags you to death, or your work and family schedule prevents y'all from having sex for weeks and you're both stressed out and the kids are driving you nuts and you have a huge screaming match and go sulk in separate bedrooms. If you don't know what makes her so special to you and what value she brings to your life, then those high-stress times will build resentment for her and eventually your marriage will dissolve into oblivion and you'll be paying her money to raise your kids without you around and go on dates with Lowlife McDrugdealer.

[–]screechhater1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I just love it when a rudderless boy shows up

“Future momma won’t clean, (oh, and she is telling me, its time ti get married”

Keep reading. Lift. Clean the fucking house because it needs to be cleaned.

After a few blowouts Mrs Screech came to the understanding, that i clean because it needs to be done, and i have certain standards which she lives by.

I could give a fuck how she lives or cleans it does not influence. None the less she like bring married to a man, not a blue pill feminist faggot

[–]ChokingDownRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OP, read lots of posts around here before you get married. I'd kill to have known then what I know now. I may have still gotten married, but only if my life felt perfect.

Internalize "does she add value to my life" question. When it comes to cleaning, it sounds like the answer is "no." I'd clean as if I'm single... in fact, do EVERYTHING as if you're single. This demonstrates to her that you can be and possibly will be fine without her.

50% of marriages end in divorce. In your case, with you working for her dad, you could lose half your shit AND your job. She sees you like her favorite slave - daddy owns him, daddy tells him what to do, so do get busy cleaning up after me, boy.

Not going to tell you not to get married, but work this shit out NOW, before you sign your life away...err, I mean live happily ever after.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, I stopped at the bathroom.

I could not imagine living with someone that could tolerate a dirty bathroom. Add to that the idea of ever having children. Little monsters that leave boogers, poop and piss everywhere, ugh!

If you get married, I guess you will be signing on for a lifetime of keeping your house clean enough to stay healthy. Maybe she can go to work and make lots of money instead. Then you can be the house husband.

Bet your balls fall off before hers do.

[–]alpha-zach-1 points0 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

You’ve lost the frame.


Apply dread in escalating levels slowly. Slowly. It’s gonna be a 6-12 month process for her to catch up to you. Move too quick and you’ll get served with divorce papers.

Start by giving her less and less attention, investment, and conversation slowly. Focus on yourself and self growth during this time. If you find it necessary, clean around the house and use the excuse that you are too tired to talk/interact with her. DONT give her an ultimatum or state overtly that if she would clean or help you, then you’d be more free to talk. It has to be her idea. You just want a clean house, and you’ll do what it takes to get that.

As she gets frustrated by not getting your attention she’ll naturally start cleaning for you so she can have your attention when you get home.

Regaining the frame is a long road and in many cases impossible. Good luck.

[–]mtwinemn[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well put this makes a lot of sense. Appreciate it

[–]alpha-zach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If/when she complies, don’t say thank you. Thank you comes off beta. Thank you is used when an authority gives you something, it’s subservient.

Say good job, good girl, atta girl, or some other form of praise. Don’t over do it. Reward with your attention. Once the pattern is established don’t give praise; at that point it’s a responsibility she has adopted.

[–]simbarlion0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Do you specialise in covert contractual law?

The principal is good but you be setting junior up for big expectations that might not be met.

Clean the house cause you want it clean

Determine fiance value by what she brings to the table, under her own steam.

[–]alpha-zach0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link


Obviously, I think this is the beginning of a disaster. I don’t think he has but the slimmest of chances. Sorry kid. Reality is what it is.

She doesn’t respect you. She has full control of you. If the day comes that you gain some sort of frame, her next shit test will be to use her Father to control you via finances, threats, whatever. She’ll start by hamstering into believing outright lies about you. You’ll work hard to provide, but that means you aren’t emotionally available enough for her. So then you spend more time with her and less on work, slowing your career progress, now she’ll call you lazy.

If that doesn’t work, she’ll start accusing you of emotional abuse. Her family, possibly your own, will turn against you. You’ll lose your job. All your friends. Because women are pitied, men are respected.

Women don’t have the capacity to grow, at least not the way men do. So seeing through their own eyes, women view men as stuck in whatever position they are at the moment. In reality men grow wildly from 25-60, arguably longer. But women can’t imagine that as being possible. She thinks you are a worthless beta nice guy. Good only for being used and manipulated. Get a couple dozen women in bed and probe their minds post sex, they’ll tell you what I’m saying is true. AWALT.

Do I think his best chance is to cut and run? Yes.

Do I think he’ll listen to any of us if we say leave her? No. I sure wouldn’t have.

Do I think he’ll succeed at regaining the frame? 1% chance.

But our best play, is to give him the best chance given the rules of the game. He’s not gonna leave her, let’s get over that, let’s help him figure out how truly sick she is.

Don’t make any babies with this woman til you have the frame. Use condoms. Don’t trust her. Everything we’re saying will come to light. Godspeed my friend.

[–]mtwinemn[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

That’s the point of my question. I never had my own frame to begin with. I just went with the flow.

Now I’m getting versed on frame and boundaries and learning about the hamster and emotional drama. It’s like learning to skate with your head up. You don’t get fucking lit up as much.

I took the job because it’s a career field I enjoy. It offered a very good schedule and good money. Built my book of business very quickly and created a new service for the company to capture a huge revenue stream they were missing. All my choices. All my own drive. Every company I have worked for I have either been a top seller or found new streams of revenue. On my decisions. OYS.

[–]alpha-zach0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’m not clear.

Do you want her or not?

[–]mtwinemn[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]alpha-zach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Then make up your fucking mind. Stop being a wishy washy dipshit.

If you want this girl and want the frame, follow what I said before. It’s your best chance no matter how unlikely.

If you don’t then drop her.

If you don’t know, then don’t act. Never ever do something you arent 90%+ certain of being a good idea. Anything below 90% certainty is based in emotion.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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