Struggling to NGAF about some of wife's shit tests

November 10, 2015

tl;dr: My wife shit tests me about my parents and compares me negatively to them. I pretend IDGAF but I still do. Should I set a boundary, and how?

Body: I still GAF about some of the hurtful stuff my wife says. As an example, it really bothers me when she complains about my parents usually leading to saying I'm just like them (in some negative way).

Prior to learning about Red Pill I told her such behavior was not good and was unacceptable, and it seems to be widely accepted to be bullshit behavior - to the point that even Blue Pill marriage advice says couples shouldn't do it (advice which I showed her). Didn't work well enough.

Previously when she did this it would usually lead into a minor fight for me to eventually get a coerced apology from her. Now I started externally pretending not to care and ignoring it, but internally it still bothers me that she is either intentionally doing it, or at least apparently can't help herself (I'm not even sure which of the two options is worst).

Given that it still bothers me, I wonder if ignoring and STFU is correct here and I should just somehow work on myself so I really don't care. I'm thinking of trying to enforce this boundary, i.e. somehow withdrawing my value from her (attention / affection) when she violates the boundary. My own approach would be to overtly tell her each time she does it, it reflects badly on her and it makes me like her less (and then act on it accordingly by withdrawing).

Given that my own approach hasn't worked well in the past, how can I set this boundary in a way that is perfectly clear that I'm punishing specific behavior, while not being butt hurt about it?

Should I wait until I'm better at RP to try this (I'm probably not fully into the Acceptance phase of Red Pill)? I'm a bit over one month into Red Pill, started lifting, been reading sidebar stuff (the one major one I haven't read yet is WISNIFG). I'm certainly better at dealing with shit tests (certainly helps that at least I now recognize most of them), still getting used to STFU.

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Post Information
Title Struggling to NGAF about some of wife's shit tests
Author IASGame
Upvotes 4
Comments 36
Date November 10, 2015 11:30 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
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