Tips for dealing with ex-wife

June 25, 2018

Hello all, Im looking for tips to deal with my ex-wife. We are currently in the middle of a divorce (the documents will go to the courts hopefully next week) from my wife of 10 years. We have a 3 year old together, and co-parent.

I find that I am still having trouble caring about what she does, but am trying to create more of an attitude of indifference. I avoid her social media when possible, and limit our conversations to about our son. I had 2 specific questions:

  1. She occasionally asks me to take my son for an extra day/evening to help her out. I always do this, because I want to spend as much time with my kid as possible. However, she basically gets to have her cake and eat it too. Also, I do not think she has any respect for me in general, and my helping all the time probably makes this worse. Should I take a different approach?

  2. Should I be acting more friendly towards her? The goal is to have a good relationship for our son, but she fucked me over very badly. I mostly go between anger and indifference, but would it be more optimal to just act normal and friendly?

  3. I am focussing on my mission, and trying to let go of what happens to her. This is sometimes hard, especially as everything with her appears to be going 'wonderfully'. Any thoughts about how to let go of my anger?

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Post Information
Title Tips for dealing with ex-wife
Author Marriedman85
Upvotes 9
Comments 17
Date June 25, 2018 3:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
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[–]a_learner_of_things3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One note I didn't see. Start keeping track of every time she asks you to take care of him and get her reason why. It will be good to have extra data going forward. Be very specific and careful with your boundaries.

[–]TheIronHeel2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

1) do YOU want to spend extra time with the kid. Do YOU have the time. Forget about helping her out. What do you want from the opportunity? Live in YOUR frame.

2) same. YOUR FRAME.

3) start making it go wonderfully for you.


[–]JudgeDoom691 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Always take the kid for an extra day when the chance arises. Sooner or later you'll need her to return the favor so you can take a long weekend with your new, younger, hotter girlfriend.

Other than that, go no contact except logistics.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Always take the kid for an extra day when the chance arises. Sooner or later you'll need her to return the favor so you can take a long weekend with your new, younger, hotter girlfriend.

Return the favor. LOL, thanks for the laugh!

[–]ex_addict_bro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

1) do you stay at her's place when taking care of the kid? How early does she ask, is it 1-2 days in advance, a week, a few hours?

1a) do you respect yourself?

2) would it be worthy to act like a butt-hurt beta in front of someone who has zero respect towards you?

3) examine your wants and needs. You feel anger and jealousy, because your own needs are not being fulfilled. Plan something just for yourself and tell us how it went.

3a) how do you take care of yourself?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In the same boat. I’m not finding these answers all that helpful.

My ex is a raging cunt that has no respect for me (yet still wants to get back together. Go figure.) and lacks the ability to have personal accountability.

You are a better influence on your kids life so definitely snap up those days. Avoid texting and do everything by email. It’s easier for the courts.

Expect another court fight at anytime. Build an evidence binder. Show she’s unreasonable rude etc.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’ve got no frame and no boundaries, so it really doesn’t matter.
Stop doing things get help her under the guidance of “its good for my kid”. Her week is her responsibility. Your time is yours. There shouldn’t be any “helping” until you figure out how to grow a spine.

[–]kendallb1831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Document every time you do extra for her. Get a lawyer, inform your lawyer. This can be used to gain leverage to get better custody

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

1) You are a busy man. It should be rare for you to not have something on your calendar. If she is asking you to take the kid, that should mean you have to cancel something from your schedule. This can be acceptable on occasion but if you do this enough times, your ex will take advantage of you and see that your time isn't important or valuable.

If I were you, I'd give your ex the number to a trustworthy babysitter and let her know you already have plans.

2) You shouldn't be any more or less friendly to your ex than you would be to an acquaintance or stranger. If there is any emotion or attitude that you should display around your ex, it should be happy and carefree. She will take great pride in knowing how miserable and angry you are, so don't give her that.

3) Lift. I sometimes miss the anger phase because it fueled the shit out of my workouts. So use that anger to lift heavy shit. Maybe listen to some heavy metal while doing so. It works for me.

[–]ex_addict_bro1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If I were you, I'd give your ex the number to a trustworthy babysitter

Don't enable codependency. That's nothing she can't do herself.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

True...unless your (ex)wife was a lazy cunt who wouldn't hesitate to hire the first scumbag off of Craigslist.

My rule of thumb: if it involves your kid, it involves you.

[–]ex_addict_bro0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

My rule of thumb: I can be only one sane parent. I can never be two sane people. If the 2nd person acts insane, that's not my problem ANY MORE.

Few weeks ago I took my youngest to the doctor because he had some red spots all over him. She got sick day or two earlier and she told me she feels very bad. OK, cool, I'l handle that. Dgn: scarlet fever. Bought drugs, told her kid has to stay 10 days at home, after 7 days she needs to take him to the doctor for follow up visit.

6 days pass and I see the kid outside with her at some family gathering that I also attended. OK cool. Bitch does whatever she wants. She's "free people" now. She won't listen to any stupid males, doctors included. Cool.

2 weeks after that kid gets infection of middle ear. Typical complication of scarlet fever, so he needs to stay with her, OK cool. I get 2 older kids and we're off hiking. Next day she calls me "well so I was at the doctors and she told me to give him this and that and how do you think what should I do"

I told her "fuck off, bitch, why ask me if you are going to do whatever the fuck you want anyways" and hung up.

We quote Matrix the Movie here, so let me try... "cause and effect, my dear, cause and effect"

Paging u/Rian_Stone so he won't miss this cool story.

[–]Rian_Stone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Truly appreciate it, it's worth the read. 👍

I think to date, you and bogey are still My favourite redpiller. I will take you up on that offer you made when I go back to the islands.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

^^^ THIS.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

  1. Spend time with your kid. If you want to keep score then keep score- and give it to your lawyer to handle, not the wife or kid.

  2. Why not?

21If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: 22For in doing so thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee. 23The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue. 24It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a contentious woman in a palace.

  1. Lift and execute the upgrade with a better and younger model. If the anger is keeping you from upgrading then you have a problem that needs immediate attention.

[–]screechhater0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

And, so step one

Boundaries. “No to the extra day, I have plans”.

Step two - she does not care about you. The child is a pawn

Step 3. Stop helping her and start helping you Make sure to be solid for the child

[–]trpbritguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

1) Take the time with the kid, fuck what she thinks you're doing it for! 2) Nope. More acidic and hostile but still polite! Cut everything as short as possible. 3) When those romantic thoughts of reconciliation come into your head change the record!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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