Took off wedding ring - shit test

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-08-03T13:03:08+00:00

Look at it this way. She's a puppeteer, and you're the puppet. Her leaving the ring on the table was her pulling one of your strings, and you moved for her just like she wanted you to.

This was a simple shit test, and you proved to her that you are still completely in her frame and she controls the tempo of your little puppet dance.

If she were up to something more sinister, she would wear the ring out of the house and then put it in her purse after she left. She was just testing your reaction, which you failed.

Now cut that puppet string. You need to learn to be Outcome Indifferent. Ring, no ring. Sex, no sex. You are a fun man on a serious mission and she is can either follow or get out of the way.

Stop threatening divorce. If you want a divorce then file for one. If you aren't at that point yet, then shut the fuck up. Threatening divorce only weakens your position.

Lose the beer gut, hit the weights, and consume the sidebar materials. Own your shit around the house. Be awesome. She'll either come around, or she won't. Your mission is the same either way.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-08-03T12:14:35+00:00

You're deep in her frame, bro.

UEMcGill · 2018-08-03T12:21:39+00:00

You fell for it. You're wife is playing games and you were operating in her frame. Then, you went and threatened her with divorce like a whiny bitch.

Thoughts on how I handled this shit test?

I think you caused all this drama. I think you like to intentionally hurt your wife and get her wound up. You need to practice the art of shut the fuck up.

What's your mission? Why the fuck are you here?

hack3ge · 2018-08-03T12:56:46+00:00

Haha I swear there's a sale on female playbooks for trying to fuck with MRP husbands lately. I got this one too and handled it similarly - minus threatening divorce that was just bad. I said it was disrespectful then dropped it and didn't bring it back up. She put the rings back on a few days later but I learned a few lessons and you should too.

The whole thing made me realize its fucking stupid - let her play childish games. The rings themselves don't mean the same thing to her as they do to you they are just status symbols to her - if they had meaning she wouldn't use them to fuck with you. Also if you think the rings stop her from cheating then you have a lot more reading to do - AWALT. I let the situation get to me not because of the mate-guarding aspect but just because she was intentionally being disrespectful and trying to get a rise out of me.

It helped me work out some kinks in my frame so at least I learned something. In your frame, things are either irrelevant, amusing or interesting. This one should be handled as either irrelevant and be ignored or amusing and you should tease her about it. Trust me this won't the last time she does it because you showed her it got to you so you better sure up that frame and get your head on straight. My wife did it one more time and now I tease her and laugh and tell her she forgot to wear her mood rings.

Also you are no where near where you need to be to spin plates if this ring thing bothered you - do the work and remember its one month for every year of marriage then re-evaluate. At this point spinning plates is probably just about validation - if its just about sex go ahead but we all know its not. As for progress, don't get impatient - ask me how I know - read up on the 1000 ft rope it might help. Also read up on the anger phase because you are right smack in the middle of it. Its gonna take a while for her to see and internalize any changes if she is going to - my princess just started to after like 5 months but its still a rocky ride with ups and downs. I'm learning just to stick to the basics, work the plan and trust yourself to make the right decisions when the times come.

jakethesnake5000 · 2018-08-03T14:00:33+00:00

Fuck dude... you're a wreck.

So first post you're wife is rationalizing why she's not attracted enough to you to bang you anymore and you're responding by just trying to bring her under heel and somehow bring about hysterical mate-bonding sex but making something she doesn't want less fun and even MORE obligatory and contract ridden.

So we hear next time about some (very typical and common) misfires, misapproaches, faking it until you make it but still too fake attempts totally wrapped in covert contract city so that when things don't go your way and you obviously pop: it cements something to her which she demonstrates with (this post) the going out with a party friend in party (no ring) mode (fyi: u/ChokingDownRP/ really said all you needed to hear the last post which would've applied to this one on that which you didn't do...which was chill the fuck out):

You're not fun.

It appears that you're the guy that finds all this new gym equipment so instead of properly training up to weight, you slap 3 45's on each side , jump on the bench without a spotter and wonder why just because you can lift it off the bar now you're gasping for breath and calling mom to come get it off you.

You went Rambo. Yeah, you got that shit off the bar, but the moment there are difficulties you don't have enough training to handle what comes next when you use the biggest and most complicated shit you can find. And now you're confused and just shooting off every weapon you can grab and firing into the woods.

While you should be striving to make yourself better (correct form and appropriate weight in steps you can handle), instead of the normal consequence (she'll get to exercise all of her emotional muscles in a healthy way) you're over-training her emotional stress and discomfort muscle and she's DOMed the fuck out.

Letting you see that she left her ring off was telling you 100% and instead of again owning that you are the problem in your problems, you keep digging that hole. It was silly. HIDING it would have been more of a problem. SHOWING it is just silly "marriage theater" and part of their GRADE SCHOOL LEVEL shit you should be above. In this instance it would have been great to outwardly ignore, and inwardly take serious note of the territory you're entering. You guys have no kids? Why the hell didn't you follow that up with planning some fun or relaxed date with her.

Instead of getting mad at the duck for quacking like a duck, why don't you chill out on the "how every chess piece I move in myself affects her" and you focus more on the big picture of relaxing and not rubbing her quack in her face every moment.

RP is a tool. With a hammer you can wonderfully build something that will last a while. Or you can smash shit up. Your meta is getting fucked while you are laser focused on the micro.

At this point you have to stop worrying about what she's doing and decide what you're going to do.

We all have a pretty negative view on therapy and it's lack of help here, but if she's just struggling to find a glimmer of hope that you're not just a dipshit no fun, random spaz dick now, it's MAYBE that she wants to come to therapy. Treat this shit like a job interview where you'll be answering in ways they want to hear to just get you to the next interview level. Dot some I's cross some T's. Yes, I have some anger issues or I'm frustrated by the lack of communication ...whatever you need to say if she's still hoping to check something off a box. Because I'd bet the farm at this point the ONLY thing probably working in your favor is that she's evaluating the sunk cost of the time she's invested in you , and the social fallout from "failing" at marriage.

Stay upbeat and positive in that session. Act conciliatory enough...but don't overdo it. IF (and doubtful now) that she still wants to go. Definitely don't at ALL try to keep her to that. If she does ...ok ..use the above plan..., if she doesn't then use it to work on yourself like you should. If she comes and does NOTHING BUT TALK AND COMPLAIN , just sit there and paste a look of understanding and listening on your mug. That may be enough, but whatever , you're now signed up for this mess.

Again though... what the fuck DO you want? Do you even have a map? Do you really know? Do you want to just deep six this and start next time? You're pretty much almost there with the comfort blasting (and already acting like you DESERVE to be treated like the alpha you currently are not viewed as. Acting like spoiled royalty when you don't. I mean it's not even a grey metaphor of rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic when you are specifically talking about rearranging furniture so she has to sit next to you...)

When a confident captain says "Everything's going to be OK" , people believe it. When someone who seems to have gone off their meds says it...they sound delusional and crazy. I'm leaning towards you blasting then switching to "It'll all work out" is coming across as the latter at this point.

The car is out of control. And shit may be too far down the wrong direction and your best hope is to better your inner monkey for next time. At which point you need serious fucking monk mode before you do more than just one-nighters. Maybe not. But the only sane thing to do would be take your fucking foot off the gas...don't hit the brakes...just try to steer into the skid.

Final re-emphasis

She's now throwing the big flags at you now, and instead of stfu and ok, you tell her you're flags are bigger (got a lawyer) and essentially s.t.o.g.t.f.o. (when clearly she's not wanting to flash them nor are you giving any reason to). At this point she's a skittish cat that you've made skittish. Shoo it away for good or start approaching like less of an oblivious retard. Look inward and fix your shit first. Start projecting a more relaxed... and more whatever-old-self-you-used-to-snag-her air and maybe ONLY try to inject fun and humor (and at this point NONE that is where she's the butt of the joke).

2018-08-03T12:30:59+00:00

I’ve learned that stfu is great but you have to be yourself around your wife so if you have interesting stuff to say and chat about then do it.

STFU doesn't mean be an autist and sit in silence with your wife. It means don't talk about MRP, don't talk about all the ways you plan to improve yourself, and don't engage when she's being shitty. The latter one is key when you've just started unfucking yourself and you're still deep in her frame.

Of course you should talk about things you find interesting. What you shouldn't do is tell mommy that you're a big boy that can do his own laundry, or come at her in an accusatory manner regarding the wedding ring when you already know that she's fucking with you by leaving it where she did. There are a million ways you could have AA'd that shit and exposed the silliness behind it.

2018-08-03T12:38:46+00:00

What would you be doing right now if you were single?

Do that.

DanceMonkeeDance · 2018-08-03T12:44:07+00:00

I wasn’t for a few weeks and she fell into my frame and we just got more distant.

This is gibberish.

As has been said by others, you are in her frame. Read the sidebar. Stop threatening. Lead. DYEL?

Rian_Stone · 2018-08-03T12:58:06+00:00

my wife went out with her divorced friend and didn’t wear her ring

I didn't read the rest, but I'll make some predictions:

you took yours off to teach her a lesson, she either didn't care, or shamed you for it and you had a tempter tantrum
you ignore the obvious implication, that your divorced friend is poisonning the well and wants your wife to be a divorced mom like she is
you think that if you 'punish' her with shit she doesn't care abotu, she will do what you want
And I'll bet you sat at home stewing about it, cleaning the house or babysitting or something

NVM... your example is way dumber. This a real account? Or you some PPDer who wants to use this for some half assed navel gazing theory?

FlyingSexistPig · 2018-08-03T14:37:01+00:00

You should read the 12 levels of dread. It gives you a path forward with success.

What you did is called going Rambo. You're so angry that you lose your mind and do or say something stupid, where if you had held a cool head, you would have figured out the right thing to do, and you wouldn't have fucked everything up. Sometimes going Rambo is all there is. But this isn't one of those times.

When your wife took off her wedding ring, she was shit testing you. You failed miserably.

12 levels of dread my dude, 12 levels of dread.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2018-08-03T15:41:04+00:00

I haven't worn my ring in two years, wife wears hers. She doesn't care.

Can't stand wearing it honestly. It's funny when we go places, all her friends look at her and ask her why I don't wear a ring and look at me all pissed off.

Your entire situation is fucked currently, I don't see this ending well for you.

2018-08-04T19:18:31+00:00

Must be something in the air this month. My wife stopped wearing her rings too. I never even noticed until she mentioned it the other day. I asked her when she'd taken them off. "Two weeks ago" was her reply. "OK," I replied. "Is that all you're going to say about it?" she asked. "Yes", I replied.

She had them back on a couple of days later.

No idea if she's wearing them today and I honestly couldn't care. Little girl's games are for little girls.

red-sfpplus · 2018-08-03T13:15:41+00:00

Pussy.

Use the ring as a cock ring on your tiny dick. It will probably fit.

"Talk" to lawyers? Threaten divorce? Give me a break faggot. You either do it, or you dont.

You are worried about a ring? I have fucked no less than 6 women while they wear their wedding rings.

Faggot.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2018-08-03T13:29:09+00:00

Monday comes and she put her ring downstairs on the table where mine usually sits and she went to work. I wasn’t mad, I was amused and thought “she’s so fucking childish”, and I took the ring back. Halfway through work, I realized that this was a major shit test and began to get really angry so I left, put the ring back, saw 2 lawyers, and hit the gym.

You think too much and over-analyze. Taking the ring would have been fine. If she asks, say you found it, and she's going to have to earn it back. Instead, you freak the fuck out and go all reactive, hitting the gym and seeing attorneys. Normally, these can be good things to do, but you should be going to the gym all the time, not just when you are angry.

She screamed, “ why did it take you 3 days to notice!!!” I was fucking dying of laughter inside, this is so childish and getting tiresome.

You are both little bitches. If you were really laughing inside, we wouldn't have seen this next...

Then I said I spoke to a lawyer because you have been threatening me and she freaked out more, bad stfu move right there.

If you were serious about the attorneys, you wouldn't tell her. Never telegraph your punches.

Lastly, it actually hurt me when she was yelling and crying for an hour telling me all the shit I’ve done wrong and a lot of it was things I had read on the side bar and rational male about being a good captain and an oak. I wish I had found this place years ago.

You guys who sit there for an hour getting yelled at, you need to get up and leave. STFU doesn't mean be a punching bag.

I started to see a therapist for my anger issues.

Probably a good idea. You should also be going to see Dr Iron. It's amazing what lifting Dr Iron and putting him down again can do for your mental state.

Frankly, I’m getting really tired of the dead bed room, cold and distant, unforgiving wife that does things out of spite to hurt me.

Are you initiating and getting shot down or are you just sulking, being a whiny bitch?

Thoughts on how I handled this shit test?

Pretty bad bro. Height / weight / lifts.

Bedtimeshine · 2018-08-04T06:24:03+00:00

Yeh my wife goes out without her ring... she’s coming home to divorce papers. Like the saying goes... you don’t fix your marriage by working on it... you fix by working on you... by becoming a man that women want. You need to handle this by improving yourself physically, financially/ career wise, and socially. And you need to do this while separated and no/low contact with your wife. She needs to be chasing you.

screechhater · 2018-08-06T04:00:14+00:00

Dude.

Wake the hell up. You are the man. Act like it.

Always remember this - “the oldest teen in the house”.

Seeing a lawyer is about knowledge. It’s not to be shared Ever. It’s a fucking threat as you found out.

As the man, you are the leader and must answer these shit tests accordingly. “Why aren’t you wearing your rings ?”

“Are you having a reaction to the metal ?” Is much more caring vs, “IDGAF, I can out best you....”. “And, oh I went to a divorce attorney today”.

Not how you deal with a teenager, that wants your acknowledgement, especially if you are attractive

boy_named_su · 2018-08-03T16:59:12+00:00

you don't need to see a therapist for anger. Your anger will disappear once you leave that bitch

These_Professional16 · 2022-09-15T06:48:46+00:00

What’s the first thing a woman does prior to hooking up at a bar? She takes her ring off.

Title	Took off wedding ring - shit test
Author	jakethesnake5000
Upvotes	5
Comments	67
Date	August 3, 2018 11:57 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/948yam/took_off_wedding_ring_shit_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/took-off-wedding-ring-shit-test.204130 https://theredarchive.com/post/204130