Now I realized through out this there’s a lot of rules I broke. And mistakes I made. I’m here to try to fix them not focus on the fact I made them. I will lay a few of them out. 1. Didn’t own my shit thought I could be faithful. Committed. And then cheated in an LTR. 2. Shacked up with a girl who (I thought I wanted to marry, only I can’t be monogamous. I’ve tried. Really hard. I fail.) 3. shat where I ate. There’s probably more but they are that main ones.

I’m in an LTR for some years, we live together. Together Off and on Bc I cheated before and she ended up looking the other way. Per say. She wasn’t okay with it. But she let it slide well say.

I did good for a while. I remained faithful. Thought I could do it. And overtime I fucked up. Met a slamming chick I worked with. Started as flirting. Then texting. Then pictures. Then things escalated from there. And now I’m cheating with her a good while now. She’s knows the current situation.

My ltr doesn’t. She’s about to take her boards in a couple days for nursing so I want to wait to do this because she has worked really hard to get there and I don’t want to fuck that up for her because of my selfish actions.

But after I want to come clean. Or maybe not come clean completely but I don’t want to act like I can remain faithful. When it seems I can’t. I don’t know how to bring it up. I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know if I should come completely clean. Or lie.

If I tell her I don’t think I can remain faithful. She is going to ask if I’ve been seeing anyone else. I know trp says she doesn’t want to know. So maybe it’s better I don’t tell her all the details. Just lie and say no but I’m not going to be able to do the monogamous thing.

My ideal scenario is she say okay and still wants to date or have an open relationship. I highly doubt she will and I’m going to have to be okay with her walking if that’s the case. And I am. But ideally I’d like to present this in a way that can I still have her around. Because the other girl is on board.

Also I shat where I ate but I am leaving the job soon so that won’t be an issue (and hasn’t been).

I been doing this for a couple months now that it became normal for me. I didn’t see the harm because for me it was just sex and I’m Machiavelli by nature. But I finally stopped to realize. “What’s the end game here dude?” Ppl know besides her and it’s kinda fucked up.

And I realized I’m being a piece of shit human and I need to be honest with myself on what I am and aren’t capable of. My original plan was to ride this wave till it ultimately came and blew up in my face and then came clean. But that’s probably not a good idea either.

Do any of you have any advice on this type of thing.

  1. How to come clean or present it in way that doesn’t destroy the girl and maybe even has her agree to these terms (I’m high value in her eyes so it’s possible)

  2. When she asks if I have been seeing someone else is it better to not say. Or own it all. I do care enough about her that i don’t want to hurt her as much as possible (yes I realize that’s probably a little late but I can try)

  3. If she says no she won’t agree and wants to leave. How would that work if we both signed a lease?

Honestly idk what the best way to go about this is. But I do know one thing. I don’t want to lie to myself anymore and I’m trying to live free and happy. If I sound like I’m being a faggot. Or did some faggot shit. I did but I’m trying to fix it.