After some really good comments on my last OYS, I realised the wife is not a unicorn or special case and I should knuckle down and stick with the program.

So I’ve had a few rejections of late, held my own and I’ve made myself scarce through just being busy with the kids, and having a great time in life. Not deliberately ignoring the wife, but not going out of my way either.

Anyway, I made a comment about I was going to go to the gym, and she said she should start going, and she said something about whether I thought she was was getting fat, and I said I hadn’t really noticed, I haven’t really been paying any attention to how you look as I’ve been so busy with life. Normally this would blow up (implied she IS fat in female speak) but the conversation moved on and thought it was done.

Now I thought I f’d up and said something stupid(I held a bit of passive anger on the rejections plus a few beers loosen inhibitions – working on that). But an interesting thing happened. Next morning I initiated(we’ll she kind of did in her passive way) and normally if I commented like above in the past pre RP it would have been a shitfight for days and no sex for a week. Anything that insulted her didn’t have any impact but Anger and for her to shutdown.

So just before sex, she told me she thought I was mad at her and didn’t like her, and why haven’t I been ‘looking’ at her and why do you want sex now then. I recognised it as a comfort test, passed it, and we had some of the best sex in a long time with her more immersed than she has been in a while.

I’m trying to unpack this. In her female mind, I basically insulted her body and told her I don’t look at her sexually anymore – and she came to me for comfort and sex. In the past this was autoshutdown material EVERY SINGLE TIME. Point of note is that only in the last week have I now removed ALL neediness – I was always hovering around her whenever she was naked, touching her etc etc - even until the last week I was going out of my way to kiss her, get privately butthurt when she didn’t come and kiss me.

So what is this? Did I just pass an obscure shit test? Then passed the followup comfort test the next day? I thought I had shit tests recognised and pass most by A and A or STFU. This feels somehow 'different'. Or is by just removing neediness and sowing a bit of doubt in her mind about my attraction to her got her hamster spinning where in the past she didn’t care. Or something else entirely. if it was a shit test, why in the past if I did the same thing as I did yesterday lead to a different outcome in her mind. Angry v seeking comfort now?

I’ll admit I’m still a somewhat autist 3 months in internalising the fundamentals of female sexual strategy and psychology but I have taken the RP principles on board and are living(acting?) them. So there a heap of other things going on in the relationship that I can track back to the sidebar or books etc. But this one confuses me a bit if I did the right thing or the wrong thing? So it might be so obvious I’ll get flamed to shit but I can’t seem to find any neat little package of RP principles to categorise it in and I need to gain insight into this dynamic even if it’s as simple as - it’s RP working as designed dumbass OR you manipulated your wife by insulting her - don't do that.