Vampiresquid's husband

[deleted] · 2015-11-19T15:54:29+00:00

Absolutely zero surprises here.

You're still trying to prove something to her. Stop it. You're still looking for external validation, you're just too blind to see it. The focus of your self-improvement is yourself. Your implementation of active dread here makes no sense other than punishing her for being more attractive than you. Quit being a dick and just be awesome.

Passive dread is hard when your SMV is lower than your wife's. Your life is improving, your SMV is rising, hers is gradually falling. You are getting respect from her except when you try active dread. You are getting the quantity and quality of sex that you want. It sounds like she is bringing value to your life. Yet you are implementing techniques that are usually used when those conditions are not satisfied.

Your wife on the AWALT-unicorn scale is closer to unicorn than most of the wives of our subscribers. She's closer to unicorn than my wife, and I haven't had to go beyond dread level 5.

You are both incapable of assertive communication. Both of you, for the love of God, please read and apply WISNIFG. Go back through dread stages 1-5, and spend a good long while at stage 5 while you both get over your lifelong self esteem issues. And please, please read /u/jacktenofhearts responses to your wife before you fuck things up.

bogeyd6 · 2015-11-19T11:04:52+00:00

Going to ammend. I agre with /u/iratemd . this has nothing to do with her. you're insecure, you don't value yourself, and you seem to want to prove something with her. /u/whinemoreplease had a great point, where she probably wasn't a shit wife, but just not able to self reflect on what she needs, but the fact that she came here and honestly hung out in the locker room says a lot.

I get it, you married above your SMV. you're insecure about it, and trying to fix it. Get the chip off your shoulder and just be the better man. Other guys are going to hit on her... thank them, wouldn't it suck if everyone avoided her like the plague? she won't look one day and think that you lied to her all those years.

if shes fucking on the regular, you don't need dread. the rest is just taking the reigns. since she's seen MRP for the most part, and seems receptive, just own it. K hun, heres the roadmap, since you're on board, heres what we have to do.

Now you're leading, and she's submitting. you promise her a happier life, with a more cofident man. who woudn't want that? Go be awesome.

~~This is the tamest pill I've read. ~~

~~Keep doing what you're doing... I get the impression this is what goes through girls heads before the main event. ~~

As for the dead, why active? It sounds like you want to improve your leadership and oi, the sex is good, why dread past 5? As for getting called out, good. Ok babe, if this is technique x, then just submit and do behaviour y and I can get back to rewarding good behaviour. Kiss on forehead, Pat on butt

BluepillProfessor · 2015-11-19T20:31:50+00:00

Do any of you have experience with a wife finding out about MRP and fighting you over it?

Yah, I became a moderator and wrote a book on the topic. Blogging is just a fun hobby and my wife doesn't have to approve or disapprove. Perhaps it is a vice rather than a virtue, who knows?

"oh, are you being 'alpha'?"

Yes I am, it was sweet of you to notice. Nothing new there- your wife accused me of "gaming her" when I tried to be nice and explain why the mods moved her along from AskMRP.

I've never thought I was very attractive.

Have your read Rollo's SMV chart? The reason this is happening right now is because your wife can feeeeeeeel her eggs turning to dust. She is hitting the wall, bro and she knows that her privilege of being the "hot one" is soon going to be gone no matter what happens. If you continue unplugging it will be much sooner rather than later, thus the opposition and urgency. Her Hamster is running at 10,000 mph. I argued with the other mods that we could talk her down but I lost the vote because to many to many of you White Knight "woman hating" guys were feeding her hamster radioactive rodent juice and Strat in particular thought we were doing her more harm than good.

Second, why are you "pissed?" Your wife obviously loves you and is doing what she can to stay married to you. Make sure you know the difference between a woman who needs reassurance and comfort and a woman who needs more IDGAF. Make an effort to take more of a lead in bringing her emotions to a positive place when she is behaving.

The MRP plan is to reward her with validation for good behavior, remove validation for bad behavior, and reset every day.

There is nothing wrong with some "Beta." You don't have a marriage when your attitude is always IDGAF. Try to be more "Oak" (both Alpha attractive/hot AND Beta comforting/helfpul) at the same time.

Don't remove all validation from your wife just because you are trying to be more Alpha. The "Family Alpha" provides both validation, comfort, AND tingles.

One more thing, help is probably coming if your wife actually reads the book I recommended.

[deleted] · 2015-11-19T15:15:47+00:00

My wife found and read all my earlier field reports.

HERE is my victim pukey post on nmmng right after it happened 10ish months ago.

So yeah, I was pretty down about it. But after an uncertain month, I really just kept at it. She came to me and told me she saw mrp as "my guy space". Like we always say ACTIONS won out over words and I kept at it like a pack mule. One day, several weeks later, she symbolically shredded all the posts she had printed and swore off ever reading what I post. I guess she finally saw that I was doing it to save our sinking ship. Whether she stands by that or not is really on her. It changes nothing on my end.

All MRP and RP is, is a set of tolls and jargon for shit our dads should have told us. I think most wives know deep down they're emotional and irrational creatures. And while it may be fun that we have trouble figuring them out sometimes, once they grow up they realize we become shitty husbands if we STILL haven't figured out how to handle them. She openly criticizes if I don't lead. She'll try to reframe O.I. (when I get sick of a particular shit test and leave) as a "power play" or "game" so she's not using rp jargon and I actually feel like the toolset is now back in order.

She enjoys the benefits of a traditional marriage. I didn't leave. And we have no more dead bed. Our money is now back on track, and here I am (modding too) on boards trying to pay this shit forward. Your wife may be grappling with trying to understand all of this, but actions are the compounding dividend that end up making your marriage rich. Like I let go of even trying to understand why her biology makes all of this necessary, the quicker she stops trying to quantify it all and just go with the flow then things will seem smoother.

Lastly: her finding out about MRP is just one more combo shit/comfort test that can manifest as a main event. But the genie is out of the bottle, you know now. You swallowed the pill. You just can't go back to be that clueless beta floating along. It's too late. You have the Rosetta stone now.

SorcererKing · 2015-11-19T08:47:31+00:00

No need to apologize. We tried to work with her a bit and tell her that if you were on RP that something was clearly not working for you. All she could do was retreat to ideas that were all basically equivalent to "I'm not in control anymore and I don't like it." Eventually one of our mods gave her a push toward either working with the women at RPW or to retire because we were at an impasse.

At any rate thanks for posting. This will be a useful lesson for our sub. There are several guys in here who need to learn not to feed the hamster. One can't take what women say at face value; hell that's a core RP tenet and yet when women post here our guys forget everything they think they know and rush in to 'help'.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-11-19T07:15:57+00:00

By the way, here's the OP:

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3spbff/wife_needing_advice

Sometimes I get things like "oh, are you being 'alpha'?" It's fucking infuriating.

Problem solved. Those are shit tests that you are failing by getting "infuriated". You are breaking frame there. She's trying to shame you (perhaps subconsciously) about what you are doing, and it's working. You need to stop losing your shit when she tests you like this.

By the way, it's really great to see you in here. I had some PM conversation with your wife and encouraged her to come over here for the male perspective. I think I picked her up on /r/redpillwomen. I think that she really sounds like she wants "this" to work, but it sounded like she was bitter about your attitude. The consensus was that you were doing something wrong. I think you've made great progress and your attitude seems straight. Just stop failing those obvious shit tests and you'll turn this shit around.

Her post caused a but of drama, but there is no need to apologise. Hamsters gonna hamster, and she actually did seem to be taking some if this on board. The fact that she told you and asked you to come here speaks volumes about her mindset. If she didn't like what you were doing, she'd be dragging you to therapy or something, not sending you back here for a few rounds in the ring with guys "trying to be alpha"

NiftyDolphin · 2015-11-19T15:14:06+00:00

When a woman finds that a man is successfully utilizing a tactic against her, she will attack his use of that tactic.

plein_old · 2015-11-19T19:06:58+00:00

Let's see

1) Your wife is beautiful, you have good sex, you love her and your children. 2) Your life is improving, you're hanging out with your bros again

Wait. What is the problem? What are you complaining about? Like the other people said, "dread" is for when things are bad, when she's taking you for granted. Don't play head games with her if she's openly insecure. That's just for women who are playing games of their own.

Yeah, you haven't actually described any problems yet, that I can tell, other than that you feel embarrassed that your wife anonymously asked for advice from RP people. And that she engages you and tests you a tiny bit.

Disclaimer: I didn't see the other post from your wife.

plein_old · 2015-11-19T19:41:44+00:00

I think you should get on your knees and be grateful.

Well, not literally but gratitude is more in the direction of RP than complaining. The way a man leads his wife is not by controlling everything in a petty way, or making his wife more insecure than she already is.

It's by not getting upset over petty things. Being a rock. Being happy. Dealing with your own issues, rather than trying to change other people so you'll feel less insecure. Read the Deida book on the side bar.

It's not easy; I feel you there.

Stonesaint · 2015-11-19T08:22:20+00:00

"oh, are you being 'alpha'?"

As an answer, I will rephrase a famous dialogue from one of our regional movies.

To be an alpha, it's not enough to defeat them. You have to be the alpha's motherfucking daddy.

You can finish it off with, "Say hello to daddy" and a smirk.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-11-19T11:59:09+00:00

Own it. It doesn't change any of your actions. Keep doing what you are doing, because it is good for you.

This stuff works even when she knows. All that push back are just overt shit test. Handle them.

I didn't need to hear your side of the story at all. I had guessed it correctly through her hamstering, even if she tried to hide it.

Title	Vampiresquid's husband
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	18
Comments	80
Date	November 19, 2015 5:35 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3teawd/vampiresquids_husband/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/vampiresquids-husband.207891 https://theredarchive.com/post/207891