~ archived since 2018 ~

Weird wife declaration - help me interpret this shit

September 11, 2018
5 upvotes

Long time lurker, still fat, read sidebar (all of it), currently rereading it again, and I still think I am in her frame. No visible main event.

My biggest problem is I get murky when I do not have attention to cover everything I need. I am definitely not a fun person to be with it, and while I try to play the nice card every day, it does not work as expected. The true reset in relationship with wife happens either through external events (guests) or by late night sex when we are both tired of being angry at each other with no apparent reason.

Yesterday, it was one of those situations - after a week of silence I initiate, and she says she does not want to waste my time. I asked for instant clarification on this, and was ready to kill the puppy at this moment, yet her explanation was rather a mirror of me being busy (and murky) and not having time for her. I then asked if she wants me to find someone else to fuck, and the answer came a couple of minutes later, in the middle of an act, stating she would understand if I cheated on her because she apparently cannot make me happy, the only condition is me staying with her.

Which is weird as fuck, because it can be I applied to much silent treatments. It could be that I am a bad captain and I do not show them how to make me happy clearly enough. It may be she’s gaslighting me or staging for divorce. It could be she cannot do any better because of her uprising (withdrawn omega father, unhappy, bitter always in charge mother resenting she did not married someone else).

I am confused - how should I interpret this?

EDIT: Thank you all for responding. My conclusions are (maybe will be useful for some future people like me): 1. I am fat. I need to lose it and it is by far the most important thing to do now, it is even more important than game or social status. 2. Get focused and organised on one thing only.

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Post Information
Title Weird wife declaration - help me interpret this shit
Author rollston1000
Upvotes 5
Comments 37
Date September 11, 2018 9:54 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/weird-wife-declaration-help-me-interpret-this-shit.204036
https://theredarchive.com/post/204036
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9ew58z/weird_wife_declaration_help_me_interpret_this_shit/
Red Pill terms in post
Comments

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So you figured you'd take your fat ass up on a bucket truck and skip to the higher rungs on the dread ladder? And wonder about the outcome?

You dont 'play nice cards'.

You don't make vague half ass attempts at initiation.

You don't 'interpret words'.

I really hope you're lying about reading the side bar material.

How would you have time for this Dr Phil like pondering if you are really super occupied getting your life in order?

"I don't want to waste your time"

"It's not time I'm about to lay waste to"

Or better yet : shut her up with a kiss.

[–]helaughsinhidden7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

still fat

How you still fat? Thought you've been doing "crossfit and etc" for 7 months?

No visible main event.

Have you had your own yet? Like, I think you assume you are a fraction of the problem, but don't know that you are the entire problem. Most women, and I assume yours is in this group, will respond very well to a real man. She may have married you for resources, but understand that she didn't hope you'd turn into a toad. She had at one point HOPE that you would become something greater than you were.

After a week of silence I initiate

WTF? Seriously? This is your wife-game-strategy? There is no excuse for this, you are just plain stupid to think this was a good idea or even remotely acceptable behavior. This is a text book case of Gottman's stonewalling which is the express lane to deadbedroom and divorce. Again, WTF?

I then asked if she wants me to find someone else to fuck

NO! If you have no frame, can't pass shit tests, can't game, are still fat, and she isn't initiating, doesn't even miss it when you talk to her, and thinks sex with you is a waste of time, then you do not have abundance and you do not have an acceptable level of dread. Do not do this and even when you do say things like this, it's in a teasing way, not meant to be mean.

I am confused - how should I interpret this?

You are a liar and she knows it, everyone knows it. We know you are lying about reading the sidebar, lifting, crossfit, and she knows that you are lying about everything that comes out of your mouth. You are never the man you pretend to be anywhere you go. Quit the bullshit. You are the problem here. Any of use could jump in your situation and within 30 days captain this ship into calm warm waters with sandy nude beaches ahead of us. You are lazy, whiny, apathetic, and uncommitted to pursuing excellence.

Everyone sees through the act, and we've never even met you. You gotta change.

[–]mrpthrowa19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Dude you have no frame. You're a mess. You're so deep in this mess you are incapable of looking at this rationally from the outside in.

What sort of pre-homo sapien ogre initiates sex after a week of silence. What a tool. You're letting her control the mood by having these angry phases and you're passing it off as if it's her fault.

I am definitely not a fun person to be with it

Fucking stop right here. Fix this. Fix yourself you autistic fuckwad.

[–]rollston1000[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If I could analyse that alone I would not have to post here. Imagine where I was a year ago, when I started my journey, and things have improved a lot (from starfish once a month to 3x a week this summer, no more public signs of disrespect, her initiations etc).

Cutting out angry phases should actually get more of my attention. That’s like #1 action. Or #2, because #1 should be to be a better leader that communicates with the crew.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cutting out angry phases should actually get more of my attention.

Now we are getting somewhere!

What does a 6'3" dude who is getting laid 3X a week have to be angry about? I know I am simplifying but Geez Louise and by golly?

What would you need to do different to get past the anger stage? Everybody get's past it, except the MGTOW's.

[–]Sayianpride0076 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

The quick answer is to never listen to the reasoning a woman gives for not wanting to have sex with you. It's all rationalization. It's the best excuse they believe you'll accept without a fight. The truth is she just didnt want to fuck you.

Theres nothing on MRP that says ignore you wife for a week then try to fuck her. That's ludacris.

Re-read MMSLP. It discusses this at length and has the answers your looking for.

[–]rollston1000[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Oh, the real reason is quite simple - she wanted to punish me for misbehaving and I can handle this. This does not change the fact my behaviour was far from desired, and I need to improve that.

As for the rest - it looks like I am wasting time for thinking instead of doing something more valuable.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

What the fuck does “I get murky when I do not have attention to cover everything I need” mean?

You lost me right there. I have no idea what the fuck you are on about.

[–]rollston1000[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Fixing life requires multiple initiatives on multiple fronts, while still taking care for wife & kids. Occasionally, when I have more things happening that I can handle, I focus on executing shit and get angry each time anyone tries to interrupt me, especially if that anyone is my wife trying to figure out whether what has been completed could be completed in a better way.

There is a certain thing I cannot really figure out whether my wife is questioning my work because that is how her family looked like or whether she does not value me enough. On the other hand, I can see she tries to please me in her own way.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“Fixing life requires multiple initiatives on multiple fronts”

Bullshit. Stop watching Oprah faggot. You’re a fucking mess.

Requires one: YOU.

Work on YOU and stfu.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

All I see is a bunch of whining. Try owning your shit.

[–]Itstinksoutthere2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nope. Your angry fat an probably have low T as a result. Get your health together. This should be your main priority. When you’ve done this everything gets exponentially easier. Attraction, self confidence, less angry, people start taking you serious including your wife. You said got yourself your fat. Great fix that first.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dude, you are in a bad place, but you can pull yourself up.

You've been at this a year? Read the entire sidebar huh? Where are your stats? Do you lift? Have you improved a damn thing in your life the past year?

I can identify with anger. Especially when focused. It happened to me this morning. I shut the bathroom door to urinate in peace for 10 seconds and immediately wife knocks and asks for her toothbrush. I barked at her in return. No good reason: she didn't know how long I needed or why I closed the door, she just needed her shit.

I illustrated this to show: I only needed a moment of calm reflection to handle that better. Be there in the moment, even if you are focused. You can drop that focus and get it back in an instant. Don't be a mean fuck for no reason. Take your time and enjoy life.

I've also got a busy household. Two young kids, wife who works, I do about 4 different things for money, take care of the house and vehicle maintenance, a whole bunch of shit. I still find time for self improvement because I make it a priority.

[–]mtwinemn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

especially if that anyone is my wife trying to figure out whether what has been completed could be completed in a better way.

Who fucking cares? You're a grown ass man that survived just fine before meeting and marrying her. REMEMBER oldest child. Ignore that shit. I just laugh in my head now and keep on working...give her a raised eyebrow look of "you want it your way step right up otherwise shut up"

Change your mindset. Lose the ego. You're not an idiot she just needs something to fucking harp about. In one ear and out the other...ignore or AM a few of these and they go away.

Here's a freebie..if she is going on about "why are you driving slow,fast, wrong, etc" I just calmly open the glove box "have you seen the steering wheel over here?" she laughs and that's the end of it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

let them eat cake... is what she said.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Anything outside my frame is amusing, intriguing, or funny.

-- UltmateCad

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I asked for instant clarification on this, and was ready to kill the puppy at this moment

Oh Ya? You were going to shoot the puppy as an emotional response because you were butt hurt? You need to put in work and have a plan for that play man. Playing the divorce card like that without putting in the work first, having a solid plan, and the frame to deliver it is screaming weakness. It demonstrates that you give a fuck and you are just trying to hurt her with the biggest missle you can think of. Any time you tell her anything designed to get an emotional response you are in her frame and dancing to her tune. Give less fucks.

Put a piece of tape over your mouth. Start with that. If she asks what's up with the tape tell her it's a garunteed weight loss plan. Tell her with interpretive dance because you should be working on being a fun guy to be around.

No one cares about a fat man. Lose the weight.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Long time lurker, still fat, read sidebar

(sigh) Explain yourself OP.

My biggest problem

Your biggest problem is that you are fat. I note you didn't mention lifting either.

with no apparent reason

No apparent reason that you want to admit. You are a gross fat fuck. Why would your wife want to fuck you? Occasionally, she breaks down a throws you a pity fuck because she wants some (kind of) human contact.

I am confused - how should I interpret this?

Be confused no more. Your gut is standing in the way. You can't control yourself, you can't control your eating, how can you expect to lead effectively?

[–]rollston1000[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The last four months I was trying to get a diagnosis of why I could not walk for more than 10 minutes without paresthesias, and now, I am receiving the treatment for it. Earlier - knees and hips pain caused by improper sitting posture and lack of exercises over the past 10 years and terrible genetics (arthritis and ankylosing spondylitis). No swimming because of sinus issues (intolerance of cold).

I cannot count how many times I was denied by doctors to stop any kind of exercise.

And diets… do not work for me, as after the initial effect, I adapt very fast. Being on a box diet, I started gaining weight while being on 2000kcal per day.

The only way for me to loose weight is to increase the metabolism rate through cardio while being on a very low calorie deficit, but to do that - I need to increase the strength and mobility of my joints. And this is why I have been doing CF.

Another thing is that very often I do not have motivation to lose weight. I am anger-driven and this has been pointed out in this thread multiple times. It is one of the most important issues I have to address, and lifting may or may not be a solution.

The stonewalling has been reduced a lot during the last year, and I actually thought I had it totally under control - the last time when she was not nice for me for longer period (no idea why, I did nothing wrong and did not care for the reason) I just had fun time with kids outside (walks, bikes, etc) every afternoon until she apologised. And every morning, I started the day with something nice (she got her one chance to be nice in return). It did work.

Someone here called me an ogre for initiating after a week of stonewalling. The point is that is our protocol for ending it - it is a way of telling “I am angry with you, but I still love you” which then… ends well, as it did in this case.

Earlier, her attempts of throwing fight were dismissed with AM, and I apologised where I fucked up as soon as I realised I did it. That brought my marriage towards a really nice place. NMMNG made me start expressing myself - what I do want from life, and I have acted upon those things. And it worked well as we had constructive arguments instead of me being angry, and reached consensus (which was her agreeing to what I wanted). I put basically all my efforts to improve that aspect of life - reduce covert contracts, be more social, be more ‘fun’ and do more ‘fun’ things.

I can quite easily get motivated to do things when I am angry, but anger is not sustainable, especially when I get to a point where things look better than they had ever been in my life. Then I fail. Get angry and the process repeats.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you are very fat, you should ask the doc for some appetite suppressants. I think the cutoff is around 27-30 BMI (there are calculators online, height, weight, get a score) you can get legal meth. On legal meth, you will not be hungry. I have seen people eat a half of a sandwich all day on legal meth and been fine.

I can't believe that you could gain weight on 2k calories a day unless you are severely sedentary. You shouldn't weight yourself every day, weight fluctuates greatly. Once a week max.

If you have motivation problems, consider getting your Testosterone checked. I stick myself twice a week, take some arimidex to control estrogen, and my motivation is strong.

Good luck. Things get very easy when you are attractive.

[–]AncientDragons1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stop trying to interpret what your wife is saying. Focus on actions. When you are having sex with her, have great sex. Afterward reward her with positive attention and affection.

During the week, focus on getting back in shape and handling your life with some calm and proficiency. Stop giving your wife the silent treatment. That's not dread game when you're gross and fat, it's just being kind of a dick.

Your problem is your attitude, not your wife. You should consider yourself fortunate that she still wants to give it up.

Stop thinking, start doing. Start lifting. Become the person you want to be. Drop her comment during sex, it was probably driven by the head games you are playing on her and yourself. It's meaningless. Reward good behavior with attention. Handle your shit. Don't reward bad behavior. Increase your value and improve your attitude. Read the sidebar.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Enter “the fat boy- sprinkling some alpha on it”

Yawn.

Not lifting, can’t drink six glasses of water before each meal to cut the fat and won’t read.

Fuck me.

“Welcome to the jungle of inept fucktards”.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Here’s your interpretation:

She’s getting sick of you being a BPD little bitch and she’s getting ready to open the marriage if she hasn’t already.

Stop fucking around.

You’ve been thinking and talking about TRP in general and MRP in particular for ~17 months. At this rate, she’ll be fucking someone else in 60 days and divorcing your fat ass in 90 days.

Your marriage may already be over due to your inability and unwillingness to START.

You are not in the USA, so you’re probably ESL. Cool, you do pretty well, anyway. The average person retains 7-10% of what they read. The average person needs to read something 10-15 times before they know it well. You may need to go 15x, with a dictionary.

The process works, when you work the process. Being a butthurt little bitch with the wife and whining to a forum of grown men after 17 months is...well...fucking pathetic.

It’s past time for you to go to the sidebar, and start to study, internalize, and put into practice what’s there, instead of checking off the box, “I read the sidebar.”

Pull YOUR head out of HER ass, stop your bitching, whining, and meaningless, ‘kill the puppy’ anger displays and..

GET TO FUCKING WORK!

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She dared you to cheat because she knows you can't because you are a fat fuck, have no game & can't attract a better woman. She knows that you're lucky to be getting the occasional starfish from her (you know it too & that's why you're pissed). Instead of getting pissed at her for not fucking you enough, why not work on yourself and make yourself fuckable?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I am confused

You're not the only one.

First time post and this is the best you can come up with? A half garbled post that makes no sense, has no background details and no stats. And you expect feedback? Fuck off.

Go back and rewrite your post so that it makes sense, you lazy sack of shit.

[–]rollston1000[S] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I have posted about a year ago.

Both 36, me 6”3 21% bf DL 220, used to do crossfit 3x a week but had a hiatus recently due to health problems. No, it was not excuse. She - ages well. Two kids 9 & 4. I earn triple what she does and was definitely chosen as a plow horse - I am in one of those countries where some women can commit to a man becasue Alphas are poor family material.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Way to not list your weight.

You're trying to show off to people no the internet by trying to be sneaky about including only select information.

It's really sad how pathetic and transparent you are, while thinking you're sneaky and clever.

There are guys in the world who are destined to fail - and it all starts with mindset. And you are one of those who is destined to fail. Too bad.

[–]rollston1000[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

220 lbs.

Can you change the mindset?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Apologies for calling you a lazy sack of shit earlier.

What I should have said was "lazy, fat sack of shit".

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You? Probably not.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can Weakandsensitive change your mindset?

Probably not- though it has been known to happen.

Can YOU change your mindset?

Of course.

[–]2ndalRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She says things and then you try to figure out how to respond to it. Think about that. This is the exact opposite of living within your own frame. You are quite literally in her frame, hearing to what she says, and trying to determine how to act/live and what to say based on that. Textbook definition of not having any frame whatsoever.

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dog, her comments during 1am outercourse indicate she already has a lil (actually, it's prob UGE) somethin on the side and wants to assuage her guilt by giving you permission to do the same. But, who really cares what the meaning of her words are? Can't waste yo time on such pointless wonderings.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Anytime a woman says anything along the lines of...."you can f--k other women"; she doesn't want you (right now). Never forget her statement is about her, not you. Pay heed to what she is really saying.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

after a week of silence I initiate

That sounds like a horrible marriage for both you and your wife. An entire week of silence?

she would understand if I cheated on her because she apparently cannot make me happy, the only condition is me staying with her.

It's either a hall pass or a Shit Test likely to end the relationship if you fail.

Why do you treat your wife in a way that makes her think she can't make you happy? Are you impossible to please?

It could be that I am a bad captain and I do not show them how to make me happy clearly enough. It may be she’s gaslighting me or staging for divorce. It could be she cannot do any better because of her uprising (withdrawn omega father, unhappy, bitter always in charge mother resenting she did not married someone else).

I am going with your initial thought.

What would your wife need to do different to make you happy? If you can't figure that question out first then you can't convey what she needs to do- and it probably means you are an unpleasant bitch. I would try a different approach and adopt a different attitude.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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