What advice to give to my dad?

March 15, 2020
11 upvotes

My dad (45M) has been married for 10 years to his wife (32F). They have a 9 year old kid together. I am his son (22M) from his first marriage and lived with them all upon until now.

My dad is a beta and a pushover in the relationship. She's capable of insulting him in front of his employees and friends. He works in show business and helped her rise to relative stardom when she had nothing. They opened a company together and she attributes its success mostly to herself (she does bring in a lot of clients, but she wouldn't be anywhere without my dad investing in her early on and without him handling most of the operations of the business). Their kid (my step brother) sees the mother as the authority, not my father.

My dad goes on a one week binge drinking alcohol every 3-4 months. He does nothing but drink all day at home. He says it's sometimes because he fights with his wife, other times just because of something positive. She then gets extremely pissed at him and has warned him multiple times that she's going to get a divorce. They also don't even go out together, my dad prefers to watch a movie at home, while she goes outs with her "friends" to restaurants and clubs. They don't have much in common.

This year he has had 2 binges already, one in new years that lasted a week, and the other at the end of February that lasted 2-3 days. I walked in home one day after his February binge and she told me we had to move with my dad to our old apartment (which is half as small and far from the luxurious apartment they bought a year ago which we all lived in upon until now). I didn't think of this much as she has already said this before.

My dad started sleeping on the living room couch every day for weeks. Then March 8 (International Women's day) came around, which is a national holiday in my country. His wife traveled to a ski resort with their kid days before. My dad bought his wife a $7k watch as a gift and hopped on a plane right after work on the night of March 8th to surprise his wife and kid on the day of the holiday.

They returned and I could tell by my dad's face that he was not happy. He continued to sleep on the couch for days, until one day I couldn't find him in the apartment and asked my step brother where he was, to which he replied: "he left to the old apartment". That's when it him me and I realized its for real this time. She's not giving up. He returned and slept on the couch for another week with the hope that she changes her mind. She straight up told him that he shouldn't wait, her decision is not going to change. She asked him everyday to move. I helped him move his things today, I will be moving my things in the following days also.

Frankly, I think she's not attracted to him anymore and doesn't love him (she told him this). She attracted all possible resources from him, and now that she's relatively famous and earns good money, she decides to leave him. She believes she can find a better replacement. Many people that know my family circle have actually predicted this correctly.

I told him the following:

  • He shouldn't have left the apartment. If she wishes to leave, she's free to do so. She told him to "act like a man" and leave the apartment. The kid is attached to the mother, so my dad should think about their kid because it would be hard for the kid to move apartments and our current apartment is close to his school (she could've rented another apartment close to school, but anyways, that's what she said).

  • Start lifting. My dad is tall and has an attractive face, but he's a little overweight. Losing some kilos would improve his health and looks and its better than sitting at home watching tv shows and movies.

  • Dread. I told him not to initiate contact for at least 1-2 weeks. Business related only. Told him to act as if nothing happened when they have to see each other. I'm not sure if he will go along with this, but I really hope so.

  • TRP resources. I plan on giving him a recommendation for a TRP book. No More Mr Nice Guy or The Rational Male as a start.

I realize that his chances of getting her back are minimal, and he shouldn't be aiming for that anyways, but what other tips can I give my father so he can get back together and reestablish himself as an alpha in the relationship? My dad has gone through a divorce already, and if he gets divorced to his current wife his emotional state will go to shit, he will start drinking heavily, and their business will go to shit also.

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Post Information
Title What advice to give to my dad?
Author DennisErectus
Upvotes 11
Comments 32
Date March 15, 2020 9:15 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/what-advice-to-give-to-my-dad.355100
https://theredarchive.com/post/355100
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/fj8q4i/what_advice_to_give_to_my_dad/
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