I've been a career beta piece of shit all my life. Married 13 years, together since college, have become more and more beta in the past two years. My 4-year old son died of a cancer and I fucked up and got depressed and looked to my wife for strength - big fucking mistake. Little respect. I had started to slowly get my shit together over the past 3 months (not being needy around her, dropping 20 lbs through cardio though) and found MRP. Read NMMNG, MMSL, and Rational Male within 3 days. I've never had my own internal frame, NMMNG described me 100%. I'll start lifting in November since I have 3 business trips out of the country with no access to a gym, but what can I do in the short term to stop being so much a faggot and come to terms with this new reality and starting to get unplugged from the FemMatrix. I've stopped apologizing to my wife and have already seen some shit tests. I have a high level of anxiety disorder/panic attacks (been to therapy and meds) and feel a constant state of anxiousness this week (after completing MMSL). I get anxiety even being near my wife since I think she's going to shit test and I'll fuck it up.
Careerwise I'm killing it - make over 200k, high level leader, rising star, etc. but homewise i suck.
I can't unread what I've read and am in a bit of a panic mode of where the hell does life go from here? What can I do to chill the fuck out - I think hearing from people who've gone through this helps but they're further down the process and actually started shit. I have no safe people to talk to, no friends outside 2 guys at work (high introvert), so likely will rely on this forum for a lot of hand holding.
TLDR: new to this and freaking out a bit.
[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret29 points30 points31 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MRPFuckMe110 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hystericalbonding9 points10 points11 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tiway2213 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]6TimesDown7TimesUp3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jcrptaRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]wildnight98MRP APPROVED1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FoxShitNasty839 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine5 points6 points7 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]weakandsensitive6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]light-----------dark5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]helaughsinhidden5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]runnowxxx2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]bowhunter62 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FlyingSexistPig2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jdogworld 1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GroundbreakingDevil2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]letsbiohackslaves 1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BlackFire680 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ColumbusCrewFan0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]becoming_alpha0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShitBeta0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]milkeway610 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SaintJohnRakehell0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Reject4440 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ploppylumpkins-2 points-1 points0 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points3 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]ploppylumpkins-2 points-1 points0 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ploppylumpkins-1 points0 points1 point (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]hystericalbonding2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ploppylumpkins0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]hystericalbonding2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ploppylumpkins0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]ploppylumpkins-2 points-1 points0 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]ploppylumpkins0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ploppylumpkins0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Frosteecat0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link