Where Is The Good?

ImSteveMcQueen · 2017-10-12T18:44:04+00:00

I'm guessing that a lot of guys have positive stories but don't come back to tell them. After all, it is askMRP, not tellMRP. The notion of positive field reports isn't really pushed here.

I'm one such case. I lived in a terrible relationship. I came on here in bad shape and started reading, lifting and learning. I struggled at first. And the better I got the worse the relationship got. I pulled the pin. We are in divorce proceedings.

So many things have changed for the better for me, it is almost unbelievable.

I had the best summer of my life without my STBX.

My anger level went from an 8 to a 2.

I had a really good relationship with an awesome woman. Experienced intimacy and connection on a very deep level. It was fantastic.

I'm working on an awesome project. I'm experiencing the best concentration and contentment ever. Work is so easy when home life is stable and positive.

Last weekend we were eating breakfast without my STBX and my son looked up and said, out of the blue, "Things are so much better now".

I'm bench pressing my weight. I'm spending time with my buddies, doing fun things. I'm working on me, every day.

I'm dating and it is going very well. Last night a high, high quality woman invited me to a hot tub party. This was after I sent her a pic to which she replied, "Wow, yer hot !" But what really hooked her is that I wasn't the typical needy, over pursuing, covert contract guy that usually chases her. I let her come to me.

I met her at a party while I was still with my ex. She knew this. Practising a little dread, also genuinely interested in talking to her too. I thought I sensed a connection. I also thought she was way out of my league. Actually went home that night thinking "Why can't I be with a woman like that ?".

Fast forward 6 months and we chance meet in the bar. I actually accidentally blew her off at first when I didn't recognize her. Then I recognized her. I mention I'm single. She immediately grabbed my phone number and texted me the next day. This is a woman with many options when it comes to men. And I made no effort to attract her, as a matter of fact, blew her off to be with my buddies once.

Do I care if this relationship fails ? She is a great woman, so kinda. But am I going to sacrifice me to make it work ? Nope. I have a new model for relationships. I live for myself and answer to no one. When I do this I'm the best partner I can be. Men aren't good partners when they aren't pursuing their goals and leading. No woman is ever going to get in the way of me being the best man I can be.

Women really, really respond to stoic, calm leadership. Like they crave it. "You are so easy to talk to." "Isn't it weird that we never have an argument ?" And when you run into a woman that doesn't want to follow, that wants to manufacture and live in constant drama, why bother ? Being able to handle shit tests well doesn't mean you want to do a lot of it.

I'll stop there.

Bottom line is that MRP works amazingly well. Yeah a lot of guys come on here with problems. So be it. This is a place to discuss those problems. But I'll bet that 10x a many men read this sub, experience the benefits and never share their successes.

ReddJive · 2017-10-12T17:17:25+00:00

This place is a shit-show of failing men. But, don't you expect it to be? Think of it like Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. You start off broke ass poor. You answer a few questions most guys who have been here awhile consider easy. A percentage of idiots will do it wrong and walk away gaining nothing. Some guys actually fix their mentality or fitness or some aspect of themselves and make it to $1,000 and if they do nothing else, they walk away with at least that. If they keep going, keep submitting and reading and applying, maybe they make it to $32,000...a point where shit's really looking quite up. You see good changes you can do with your life for $32k. If you're not in debt $32k can really change a life. After that, it's a struggle. Shit gets hard. The minutia come out. Lifelines are used because the material's already been explained and if you still don't get it well then you're not advancing any further. You'll see guys struggle here.

Heading for a main event or divorce is not a loss. It's what the man chooses to do with his self mentally and physically after that. You'll see more than one comment in /u/Persaeus 's post saying they wonder how this will turn out in 3 months. I do as well. No one said divorce was easy. You may not be getting the preferred outcome, but you are sure enough of yourself that you can live a kick ass life anyway.

But every now and then you see commercials play on TV that this may be it. A big post hits that someone fucking nailed it and won a million, and we all as a community of people watching somehow gather around that because it's what the game is all about. And even if we aren't the million dollar winner we see its possible and that win right there motivates us to do it.

You won't see advertisements on TV every week for someone winning the million. It would simply get old. And it's not talked about too much after. Yeah it happened. And you might never hear from that person again because they took their million and went and lived their life. The show will go back to its seemingly endless line of those trying to be the next to make it.

I appreciate the shout out. But I consider Here's Your Example to be a $1,000 win. I got some shit done, for me. I can walk away with at least that. When you hit $32k you will have owned so much of your life that every aspect of your life feels like that win. The wife is following, the kids are in line, income is solid, sex is often. And when you hit the million you will be killing it so hard that everywhere you go people just know you are the shit. Like a bodybuilder taking off his shirt on the beach. He doesn't do it for them, but damn it feels good to know you are the sexiest mother fucker there. That feeling, everywhere.

As for that half full glass, admittedly, that's where I and a lot of guys are now. I've been looking deep into appreciation of the successes. But there is a distinct difference between appreciating the successes, and a "things aren't so bad" mindset. The words "people have it worse" have always triggered me. Yeah people have it worse, but that's not an excuse to not strive, not want change, not take on divorce or a cheating wife or a main event head on. When I contemplate my place, it's not measured by how far I am off the bottom, it's measured by how close I am to the top.

SorcererKing · 2017-10-12T18:21:18+00:00

I'll just add that MRP and askMRP have always had these odd "trends" to them over time. Some of our best posts come from the fact that these trends occur. Guys get annoyed that there is a rash of dudes all asking the same thing, so a post gets made that deals with that. Then it's on to the next. Recently it has been a bunch of "I just got here and I'm about to divorce," on the one hand, and "I'm fucking stupid and about to get married, please help me arrange the deck chairs," on the other. Soon it will be something else.

You don't hear about the Good because guys fix themselves up and move on, by and large. That's as it should be. Some hang out to shepherd others; the cream rises.

And to answer your question: I'm good. ;)

Red-Curious · 2017-10-12T19:45:15+00:00

The good is definitely there. I came from a true DB. Between 2014-2016 my wife and I went 18 months without having sex at all. I was obese. Other areas of life notwithstanding, with respect to my marriage I was probably more beta than anyone you've known or heard about. I mean that seriously, not as an exaggeration. I took pride in being the most beta guy out there and tried to out-beta all the other betas. I got some sense of validation out of knowing how "nice" of a guy I was and that I was truly unique in the world.

Starting mid-2016, shortly after nominal starfish sex returned, I decided to start making some improvements. It began primarily with taking steps toward my life mission, economic gains and spiritual growth - mostly fixated on understanding biblical masculinity, which was the source inspiration for everything thereafter. In December I added home leadership skills to the list and being more assertive. Then in February 2017 I added cardio. In April I added personal grooming and taking care of the house. In May I added dieting. In June I added lifting. Mid-June I discovered RP for the first time and started reading like crazy and started implementing OI and refining prior things into a more clearly defined frame. In July I added gaming my wife, 10-second kisses, AA/AM, abundance mentality, etc. In mid-August I started implementing a dominance mentality, and you can chart some of my progress from r/RPChristians since then. In all this time ...

Lifting: I went from benching 160 as a soft max to 285 as a hard max (just hit that this past weekend)
Body Fat: I dropped from 28% to 15%
Frame: I went from serving her every need and never asking for anything in return to (1) being comfortable saying no, (2) not budging on life decision issues, and (3) having her in a position of serving my needs, while also (4) demonstrating appreciation, attention, and affection on my terms and not when she asks or demands it
Sex: I went from none at all and being a resentful, butthurt moron to 90% "yes" when I initiate and weak initiations by her (still can't figure out if I should try to improve this or just accept being the only initiator - too many conflicting opinions on this sub on that topic). Even after her c-section and me really not expecting squat (due to the several months of sexlessness before the birth and the 6-week doctor recommended recovery period), after implementing a few basic RP principles on top of the foundation I'd already laid, she was ready to go (albeit while maintaining the doctor recommendation to avoid PIV).
Kids: They used to be clingy toward their mom, loud, and obnoxious and I'd have to ask 10x before they'd do anything (they're ages 5, 3, 2, and 0), but now the three oldest (even the 2 year old) do things the first time I ask - and on the few times they don't, they know the consequences and I follow through rather than being the "fun dad" who gives them chance after chance and makes their disobedience a joke. Result? Wherever I go, that's where they want to be.
Work: This has always been pretty solid, but I've increased my income about 20-25% in the last couple years.
Mission: More progress in the last 9 months than I made in the 3 years before that.
Influence: I used to be a failed extrovert who tried to engage with people and just couldn't connect. People just want to be around me now. Men and women alike, whether from church, work, at the courthouse, in the neighborhood - they just come up and chat even when I don't initiate, and sometimes all it takes is eye-contact and a nod and someone will cross the street to talk. I've been asked to teach classes at my church. I've had men ask me to disciple them. When I ask people to do things, they do it.

All of this is probably somewhere between that $1,000 win and the $32,000 win /u/GargantuaBlarg29 mentioned (great comment, by the way). I feel great - better than I have since I've been married. In minor vanity, it also makes me smile to know that in every way I'm stronger than I've ever been in my life (previous max bench was 275 in college) - this alone makes me feel like I've conquered the world, and everything else is just icing on the cake that keeps getting added on layer after layer.

That doesn't mean frustrations don't come or that I don't have questions or confusion about how to take things to the next level. I need to use lifelines every now and then and am not too proud to do so. I also try to avoid bragging about how good things are for me all the time (biblical humility and all that), but I must say: life is good.

gettingmymojoback · 2017-10-12T20:04:35+00:00

The Good?

I've started and deleted 3 attempts at writing a 1yr MRP FR updating my progress. Why so many failures? I suck at trying to condense what has been the most positive year of my life into something anyone would want to read.

I'll sum it up as this, I came here an insecure, fat, unattractive, weak, beta faggot with a dead bedroom.

One year later, I've dropped 50lbs from my start, over 20% body fat lost. Now hover between 190-200lbs at 5'10" and between 14-20% BF depending on wether I cut or bulk. I don't let my weight get over 200 ever now. Hit 1 plate OHP, 2 plates on bench this week, and almost 3 on DL and squats for reps (4-6) Not huge numbers, but a HUGE improvement from where I started and only climbing.

Wife says to me this is the happiest she's ever been and she has no idea why. I own my shit, and she has become the most submissive and sweet she's been since EVER. This includes the dating and honeymoon period. Unsolicited BJ's have returned. Hard no's are almost non existent. Soft no's are apologetic and usually include, I'll make it up to you tomorrow....and she follows up on it every time.

My insecurities are gone and I finally found my purpose. No, it's not just increasing the sex with my wife anymore. I finally "get it".

It's not all negative. You just have to do the work to get to the positives....

I could keep writing but then I get back to where I started this post, there's too much to say.

hystericalbonding · 2017-10-12T18:05:13+00:00

A good relationship and happy life is expected. Why would I write a field report about it? For your benefit? Testimonials from strangers mean nothing to me.

I'm not getting involved in another one of these, even though I agree with the title 100%.

Instead, I talk strategy.

Tebulus · 2017-10-12T18:20:52+00:00

Its all good baby. There are all kinds of flavors to the posts and replies and I fail to see a broad shift toward negativity and or failure. Why does it bother you that guys are going through shit because of decisions they made or soapboxing about how all women are hypergamous cunts who can never be trusted? Roll through it. Doesn't matter if you disagree, what matters is what you do and how successful you are doing what you are doing. For me personally, I started here because I hated myself and lacked direction. I am sure a huge huge majority of the people posting here started from a similarly weak place. I stick around because of the reading (always more awesome books to read), keeping myself accountable, and some of the flaired guys are fucking wizards and I consistently learn from their frs and breakdowns of other users behavior. Also the OYS thread is really really interesting to read every week.

Focus on the mission not the general vibe of the medium. Take the value from the good posts and if you cannot get past the negativity that is a part of the foundation and sometimes a requirement for helping someone unfuck their shit, then move on and focus on you without the negativity. On the flip side sometimes the mods and flairs get all old boys club or make sweeping statements about how the entire community is a growing tumor they cannot deal with anymore and sometimes really awesome people voluntarily leave. But its cyclical like most things in life. New people come in and replace the ones that leave.

Fuck it, lift and read and leave when you are done, or dont. Both outcomes can be positive or negative. Worrying about the general success of the strategy or trends, especially in other peoples lives is taking energy away from yourself.

[deleted] · 2017-10-12T20:17:51+00:00

I mean to the point where they are having main events or have them coming up soon, or their relationships have deteriorated due to years of abuse to where they just DGAF and start spinning plates, or after years of neglect they're starting the process of divorce.

For some guys and the relationships they created, these are good outcomes.

Like, not "good for them because they suck, haha"

but good for them because that is what they needed to be able to get to.

bogeyd6 · 2017-10-13T12:49:09+00:00

This is a pessimistic view taken out of context. Back in the days I started this was a very small sub and it seems like half of the guys who helped me are just one man named /u/[deleted].

To answer question, yeah I guess I am doing all right.

discobolus_ · 2017-10-12T21:45:24+00:00

My wife still has a hard line regarding butt stuff, so it's all fail here.

anythinginc · 2017-10-12T20:04:47+00:00

The question is - are you good? Is your relationship good? Mods and ME's, you've been here the longest. Are you good?

I'm good, just getting started. Sonogram soon and I'll find out if my first child is a boy or a girl. Gave my girl a ring, so now she is my fiance. Just nesting right now and dealing with pregnancy and baby prep.

The thing that gets me is - Is it really that bad for you guys?

I mean, people kill themselves, or pull a murder-suicide over shit similar to what we see here every week. Obviously that is stupid and nothing is worth your life or someone else's, I just mention it to illustrate how difficult it can be for people to deal with their circumstances some times.

Difficult circumstances require catharsis, empathy, knowledge of a better way, incentive to do the work, and the belief that "it gets better," which this place provides.

Sepean · 2017-10-12T21:19:04+00:00

Wife is submissive, gives morning blowjobs, never says no, she's loving, sweet and submissive. The major downside is that she desperatedly wants a third child now.

I can hardly remember the old dead bedroom days and I don't have much to gain from being on this sub except to help other guys - and that's not a motivation that is constant.

oak_water · 2017-10-17T21:43:54+00:00

Things get good when value is being added. As value is added, not only value-leeching things are deleted, and not only valueless things are deleted, but lesser-value things are deleted. For many, that can include MRP and forums.

It becomes a distinct decision for a guy who is succeeding to stick around these parts, IN ORDER to give back to the community. MRP no longer provides value like it did in the beginning. That's why we don't get many success reports.

I've never seen a healthy man walk into a hospital saying how great he feels.

470_2_700_nm · 2017-10-12T19:05:00+00:00

Guys who come on here who are obviously fat, and have not put time into reading, are value leaches .

The here is your example is a great post - one of the most inspiring of all times.

But we can’t have a fucking string of posts that are always nice and fun and good. It just doesn’t worth that way. Roses don’t sharpen steel. Steel does.

Now fuck your cuddle party if I may borrow the phrase.

weakandsensitive · 2017-10-13T06:55:26+00:00

I mean........ faggots gonna faggot.

Act like bitch, get treated like a bitch. Why is anyone surprised?

You think I need to post on the internet that I had sex with my wife? Or that I can't decide whether I want to be cattle or fly business to my NYE trip?

Lots of people are struggling. Lots of people are super weak. Not my fucking problem. Not going to make it my fucking problem.

If people want to post and try to be value add to themselves, and then try to be value add to people at large, instead of pretending to be value add while really being validation seeking (HINT HINT HINT), cool - but I doubt those people give a shit what retards on the internet think.

What's the value add in posting positive stories? There is literally none. Aspirations are bullshit. Self improvement is bullshit. Newbie should simply do the work and get on with it. How many of the posts in askMRP can be summed up as newbies not having done any work? Because the people doing the work, they're all posting in OYS.

That shouldn't be any clearer than what /u/bogeyd6 was doing during the hurricane.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-10-12T15:41:13+00:00

Maggot, do you even lift?

BluepillProfessor · 2017-10-13T17:16:12+00:00

Is it really that bad for you guys?

Yes. Women have all the power in modern relationships and the only way to keep her in line is by constantly playing Dread Games until it is no longer a game. You WILL "cheat" if necessary because you do NOT depend on just her for yoursexual relief. That is the only tool men have and it cannot be "fake." The "threat' must be real for it to work.

The alternative to MRP is a disrespectful harpy shrew and a dead bedroom so when you put it like that we don't do so bad.

having main events or have them coming up soon, or their relationships have deteriorated due to years of abuse

Most men come to MRP in failed marriages, and dead bedrooms with disrespectful harpies they call a "wife." Some have not had sex in YEARS.

You do the math:

Divorce Rate for the average marriage: 50%

Divorce Rate for a marriage in a DB after/during counseling: 99%

Divorce Rate among MRP Endorsed Contributors and Mods: .01%

Positive stories

Last night we had sex. It was great.

Now how does that story help other men?

Title	Where Is The Good?
Author	SteelSharpensSteel
Upvotes	21
Comments	71
Date	October 12, 2017 3:40 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/75xszv/where_is_the_good/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/where-is-the-good.205285 https://theredarchive.com/post/205285