In 2019, after six years together with my wife (no kids), I filed for divorce. At the time she was 32 and I was 34. I have been living by myself ever since then while she stayed in the house I owned prior to marriage. I initiated divorce because, despite my best mostly Blue Pill efforts, she never stopped nagging and starting fights with me over our time together. The last argument she started had me especially scared because it sounded like she started yelling how I was hurting her (of course, I wasn't event touching her), I got scared she or a neighbor would call the cops, and I would get Duluth Modele'd.
The divorce process has not been combative, but slow. I'm having to push both of us through the process instead of working with another person. Over the past few months with Corona and economic uncertainty (in our six years together she has never held a full time job) she's made a blitz to get me to take her back. Last time I saw her she gave a power point presentation on why I should do this. Her arguments were that divorce could still continue, she knew the kind of sex I liked, she promised no more fights and that she'd clean and cook. Essentially it boils down to her realizing her mistakes over the time we were separated and having become a better person in the time we were separated.
Honestly I'm also a realist. I tried dating after I filed and it went OK. I'm well situated financially, educated, but fat and BP. The latter things I can fix, but I don't know if I'm up to the effort that would take (I'm kind of a pussy). I do want kids and a family some day so MGTOW isn't really for me. I have no idea and little confidence that I'd be able to achieve this dream if I turned her down now.
I can type an entire book explaining the nuances of our relationship, my past dating history (I'm a commitment-phobe), her absentee father (her mom divorced when she was young and her younger sister is also a divorcee), but I know no one's got time to read my life story. In short, my situation is really painful, bros, and I don't have anyone to turn to (my parents mean well, but they are too old to give me advice on this). It hurts a lot.
I guess this boils down to gambling on me being able to rise up and doing better in the future or picking the "devil I know" and hoping that the only RP thing I ever did in our relationship (serving her papers) and whatever skills I pick up along the way will be enough to create a long-lasting marriage. I don't know what to do. I wish I just kept being beta so she'd dump me instead of me dumping her. That would have made things so much easier.