Wife wants me to wear a condom

August 27, 2015

I have been married for 9 years and with my wife since I am 19 I am now 31. Our marriage has been ok but I knew something was wrong when our sex life started slowing down. When we were younger it was good and the best was 6 times in one night. We have two kids together a 7 year old son and a 4 year old daughter.

My wife wants me to wear a condom so she doesn't have to deal with my cum leaking from her vagina. She has an iud and gave me herpes when we first started dating. So I am not worried about getting her pregnant or getting a std. As far as I know we are both monogamous.

This has been an ongoing issue and I told I am her husband and it's normal to do this. She keeps bringing it up during sex and I know she is disinterested in me a lot when we do have sex. Last night I told her I can find someone else to have sex with. She said "if that's what you want to do go do it." I have screwed that up by going nuclear. I deserve a partner that

I have been working on improving myself by lifting 3 days a week, eating healthy, working on improving my finances and being a better father. I have read NMMNG, MMSLP, MAP and am currently reading WISNIFG.

I have been seeing some improvement and it is a slow process and I have a long way to go. I feel as a husband I should be able to finish in her vagina. I am looking for some input on this.

**Update: My wife is pregnant with a copper IUD. She was extremely argumentative over the weekend. I did my best and stayed calm and listened did my best to fog, agree and amplify and so on. She said I was very hard to argue with. I still need to work on keeping my mouth shut. In the past I would yell back at her now I keep calm.

She cursed the name the authors of the books I am reading. Said something about Oprah and that women are not cum dumpsters. Broke her glasses and much more. I bought he a pregnancy test because her period is 5 days late and it was positive.

I told her to go to the clinic and it is confirmed. We are waiting for an ultra sound later today and then I will see what our options are. I am doing my best to stay clam and work through this.

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Post Information
Title Wife wants me to wear a condom
Author xjedimindx
Upvotes 10
Comments 60
Date August 27, 2015 2:08 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askMRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wife-wants-me-to-wear-a-condom.208137
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3ilm4n/wife_wants_me_to_wear_a_condom/
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[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

If my wife asked me to wear a condom I would laugh in her face.

She's your wife, but it seems she is repulsed by you. That can hurt the ego. So, remove the ego and take a hard look at yourself.

Are you the type of Man women crave to pump them full of your life juice?

I'd say probably not. On top of the improved fitness, nutrition, and application of game, I'd have you turn to /u/BluePillProfessor and his post on Dread.

Don't tell her you'll find someone else, show her that you can.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

She is repulsed by me and I have always giving her everything she wanted and stopped caring about what i wanted. The last three months I have slowly started changing.

I have bought new clothes, started hanging around my male friends more who are also betas. I am leading them to be more manly but I am still a novice.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Don't worry about leading anyone, as you need to work on you.

Hit the gym harder and more frequently, watch your wife's actions, not her words. Women never mean what they say, her body and behavior will tell you everything you need to know.

Read more on the female psyche on TRP and remember you're doing this for you.

You're the prize here, not her.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

At work and through my life I have been a natural leader of men from Boy Scouts to being a foreman and supervisor at reinforcing iron worker construction.

Leading family has always been the issue. I was my moms beta provider fixing stuff around the house and following her rules while she went through different men.

Yes I need to work on myself way more and what I want. I am the problem. I will do or do not there is no try.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was my moms beta provider fixing stuff around the house and following her rules while she went through different men.

Hanging on to that baggage will kill you. The past is the past, who you were is not who you are. So therefore, think and act like the Man you want to become NOW and eventually you'll get there.

[–]jcrpta4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The last three months I have slowly started changing.

There's your problem.

Your wife will take a few months to notice your changes. And she won't notice them until they're staring her so hard in the face that every other woman you meet on a daily basis is noticing them too.

Reports on here vary for how long it can take, but a year of self-improvement is not unusual - and if you're a career beta it can take longer.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am committed to changing. I have been with her almost 12 years so it will at minimum a month for every year we have been together.

[–]jcrpta0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you were Chad Thundercock when your current relationship started, that's probably right. If you are a second-generation career beta, it's probably a tad optimistic.

[–]BluepillProfessor8 points9 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Read up on /u/Archwinger who has some posts in TRP about this phenomenon.

I hate to be so direct but there is a reason your wife wants you to wear a condom. Women slather Alpha sperm all over their face and gobble it down like cotton candy but Beta sperm makes them sick because it is so yucky.

You have ONE move and ONE move only- become more Alpha and she will stop detesting your seed so viscerally.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link


Total biological indicator of her bodies response to mating with you.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I agree 100%. I let her have an abortion because she thought I wouldn't have enough money for a third child. She does not want to be with me on a biological level. I know this. I'm starting to think I don't need her.

I don't want my kids to have a broken home but I must do what is best for me. This is my biggest fear. I had a bat shit crazy father who has passed away and mother almost as crazy. i want a better life for my children . I am not going to do it by own expense.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Why do people not mention this stuff...

9 years ago she gave you an stf was important, but you didn't think that he wanting an abortion because she doubted your ability to provide for the family as an important thing to mention?

Is that a valid concern? If so, what have you done since then to show yourself that your provision skills are up to par? I don't know if this has to do with your current situation, but I'm guessing theres a connection there

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

After the abortion I went out of town to work in the oil sands. I have told her I still want a third child she wants to go and work. She seems to not like being a stay at home mom.

Since then I have become a ticketed journeyman in my trade, went from foreman to general foreman to supervisor. I have started a business on the side in my trade to subcontract work. I pay all my bills, have a pension, a savings plan, and a savings account.

I currently work in my home city of Calgary. I am home every night and we have a house we have been working on and fully renovating. It has gone up 100,000 in value over 5 years with all the work and money we have put in to it. (Put 40,000 into renovating it)

The economy in Alberta is going down so the business has not picked up but I am going to keep looking for contracts to get it going.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

yeah, guess when Klein was writing cheques out for votes, he probably should have been topping up the heritige fund.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I will read up on his posts and I know I will become more alpha. I will build day by day.

[–]spexer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

BPP is right. With the update that your wife is now pregnant - you will want to check to see if it is yours.


[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Jesus fuck.

Even though sex is the backdrop , this is a compliance test. There's no need other than "Your stuff is an icky inconvenience".

She's not turned on by you at the moment which is the big big big issue. If Channing Tatum came up to her and wanted to A.T.M. back to V for a big finish she'd probably go right along with it.

lifting 3 days a week, eating healthy, working on improving my finances and being a better father

Add in: need to work on outcome independence and dread.

You could always pull out and paint her face. "What? This better?"

Also, this shit comes up in conversation. Stop conversing about sex.

Your way or no way. SERIOUSLY this chick needs the dread upped on her if she thinks this'll fly.

I have screwed that up by going nuclear.

You screwed up by making it a verbal threat. Not an implied action. Talky talky talky...zip up your flapping gums!


leaking from her vagina

This is such a shitty,shitty, shitty excuse... I'm still flabbergasted. It's also an attack on your manhood. YOU'RE not good enough to deposit that there.

They've had to deal with leaking vaginas since they were born. This is just one more temporary thing. The wonderful things you never needed to know once you become a dad.

You are waaaay outside your frame here, my man.

And she gave you herps. Thanks , babe. Here's your return on that entrapped investment: one leaky load at a time.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I need to work on OI and dread. When I caveman her and make sex natural she is into and I come like a madman deep and hard. I can't finish when she tells me this during sex and I stop when I should not give a fuck and do what natural men do.

I have entered her frame and I have been a life long beta raised by a single mom with 4 younger sisters while being Mormon until I was 17. I was always afraid god was watching me around women and now I know better. I would get dumped by church girls for being a prude.

Thank you for the harsh reality. I have one best friend to talk to and he went through a divorce recently but is slowly coming towards the red pill.

[–]itstartstoday1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I need to work on OI and dread. When I caveman her and make sex natural she is into and I come like a madman deep and hard.

There you go. That should tell you everything you keep to know. When you are what MRP is suggesting then you gave no complaints, when your not you write posts about what to do.

I don't want to get to detailed about this but

My wife and I use the pull out due to us not being sure whether we want another kid. When she came off the pill it took Her body Two years to come back around and we are not sure we want to wait once were ready or if.

Have you tried dirty talking when you go caveman. Tell her what your about to do, the act of cumming inside a woman hits them on a primal level. It's dangerous, erotic and biologically/primally hits them in the same way it hits US to actually cum in them. Build the excitement of it. Caveman her and it will bring that primal desire for your seed back again.

Edit: or just tell her no, I am gonna take you in the manner I please. Make sure you do stuff like that when she is in full tingles or she will just give you the hard no.

[–]Archwinger5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I might actually be nearing something similar myself. My wife and I both hate condoms. She's on the pill. But recently, she's been trying to back off to just handjobs.

Her excuse is that she's desperately worried about pregnancy. She's been reading shit on the internet about how the pill is only 90% effective when subject to normal, real-world use and all of the variables involved, so she figures if we have sex ten times, we're going to have an unwanted baby. And she has tons of friends who had oopsie babies while on the pill.

On the off-chance that her fear is legit, I called her on it. I told her to talk to her OB at her next appointment, and now she's scheduled to get an IUD that's allegedly over 99% effective. Once that's done, if she's still pushing back on the sex/cum thing, I'll know it was a power play.

Your case is much less interesting. Your wife has an IUD already. Your situation is that you've been married a long time, and now she's not into sex with you. She sees it as an icky inconvenience. She'll do it, but wants to take steps to minimize the whole process for her, to as few steps and inconveniences as possible.

You can't talk about this with her. That will just solidify in her unconscious mind how right she is to not be attracted to you and how sex needs to be a quick and sterile ritual just to keep the wheels greased.

The only route is to work on you. Become hot, become badass, become successful, be around less and become more social, and work on passive dread. Then come home at night and escalate. When she declines or insists on her own terms, shrug it off and go do something else. No argument, discussion, or butt-hurt. Eventually, if you become badass enough, when you escalate and get going, she'll get caught up in the moment and beg you to cum all over her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

yup, mine has an IUD, and has no problem going to the bathroom after sex.

this isn't about her or her vagina, it's about /u/xjedimindx being a deficient man in some (or many) ways and the thought of him cumming inside her creeps her out.

Hate to tell you OP, but you're basically making your wife disgust you. Having said that, the condom thing does have a small chance of being her getting something, and not wanting to pass it on (with the admissions that come with it) I don't know the context of this, but if there are other red flags, it might be worth looking in to.

Still doesn't change everyones assessment of your worth to her.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

What I'm getting then is to go into monk mode, be a better man, stop talking, enjoy my life, my kids and show her I don't need sex from her?

When she talks during sex I can't finish anyways and will leave and do something else. I made the mistake of talking to her about it and making empty threats.

I have always been able to attract women. I am terrible at being aggressive and sealing the deal.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

One other side note. If she's able to chat during sex. Wtf is going on? Flip her ass over. Mouth start moving? Head smush into pillow.

Just don't forget she needs to breathe occasionally.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. This is perfect advice.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What I'm getting then is to go into monk mode, be a better man, stop talking, enjoy my life, my kids and show her I don't need sex from her? When she talks during sex I can't finish anyways and will leave and do something else. I made the mistake of talking to her about it and making empty threats.

This is it... right here. Allow me to reframe into something that would be healthier for you

I'm going to go into Dread level 5. Nice clothes, working out and eating right, going and developing hobbies and quality friendships and be a great father for my kids. When I'm having sex, I don't like the talking, so I just leave and go do something productive, since I am the only thing I can control in that situation, lifes too short to put up with things I don't like if I don't have to.

I'm going to go approach a bunch of women and see if I can still do it.

see the difference in that statement vs yours? Tell me what's missing, tell me what impression you get reading the first statement, and from the second

I have always been able to attract women. I am terrible at being aggressive and sealing the deal.

Talk is cheap. I don't care what you can do, you should be concerned with what you are doing. I can think of at least one who doesn't want you inside of her, so right now you're batting 0.0

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Take her out of the equation. Stop caring about what she wants and care about what I want?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup. And as a side effect, you become more attractive to women

[–]BluepillProfessor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What I'm getting then is to go into monk mode

Not necessarily. You need to determine that and realize it is a big step. Don't forget the best way to build your SMV value is to fuck her good. She is into it when you go cave man? The Hell you say! Do more of that rather than monk mode IMHO.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I came home last night lifted, took my son and daughter out to play street hockey. Then went to my sons school orientation when my wife told me to stay home with our daughter fuck that. I made sure and dressed up nicely.

My son acted up told him to stop he didn't took him home and grounded him for a week. I made the kids shower go to bed. I then went for a walk for one hour. I was fighting the inner bitch in me to talk about what happened to the wife.

I got home went to bed. Woke up this morning with her kissing me at 5:30 am. I jumped on top pumped away fast and furious she moaned I did not give a fuck shot a load in her deep while she leaked on the freshly changed sheets. I am getting ready to go to work while the hole is up there leaking.

[–]blarggggggggggg1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is really painful to read. I have no advice but will tell you that I dated a girl way back in the day who was a regular sex freak. It was really great, I still think about her.

About 2 years into the relationship, she stopped swallowing after oral sex. A month or so later, it was the same thing, she wanted me to start wearing condoms. Something just really started feeling 'off' about the whole thing and we broke up soon after. Turns out she fell for some hippy-dippy alpha male shaman spirit journey dude over the phone and moved out of state to be with him.

This may be shitty advice but if you haven't spent at least one month on self-improvement for every year of marriage maybe go into monk mode, try the sexual abstinence stuff from NMMNG or MMSLP I forget offhand which one talks about the 6 month break.

Good luck, I think you're in a very tough situation and this is a bad omen for your relationship.

[–]bitofawitch0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry. That's really hurtful, but I think, from the stories of many other guys that I've read, it's probably not too late to turn things around in your marriage if you're putting in the work. At least she's still having sex with you.

I just wanted to add that there might be the possibility that there's a legitimate medical issue going on. Sometimes the, ah, "dampness" in that area after sex can lead to yeast infections or general sensitivity for some women if they don't mop up well afterwards. Maybe visit the doctor with her to check that there's nothing else going on.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

She went for a physical and Pap test yesterday she is 100% healthy other then some depression she takes meds for. I have told her I want her off depression pills.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

why are you still looking to her for the problem?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like you've thought about some of this stuff, but worth mentioning:

  1. Antidepressants are like an off switch for libido and orgasm, even worse than the birth control pills.

  2. If she has orgasm during PIV sex then she's more likely to put up with the waddle to the bathroom.

  3. Cleanup supplies at the bedside, like soft face cloths or wipes are crucial for the neat freak if she doesn't want to do the waddle.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

SSRI's... the best thing ever if you ever wanted to jerk off for 15 straight minutes with no payoff.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Anti depressants ?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's their function, serotonin something something inhibitors. It's a common side effect

[–]xjedimindx[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I do not make her orgasm like I should. I have a few times but not enough.

She has told me she never masterbated growing up and she has only given herself Clitoral orgasms with vibrators and never manual stimulation. I doubt she can even give herself an orgasm her self vaginally.

Her vagina is looser since having two kids but improving her sex life with me has never been her priority. I'm the problem I let myself be a sperm donor and a bank machine.

She resents me for the times I worked out of town in the oil sands to buy us a house, 2 cars and everything she felt she wanted or needed.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're past that now. Time to improve your life and move on. Hopefully she'll be along for the ride.
WeVibe and others have vibrators that you can use during PIV. The Touch is good if one of you holds it. They have another that is horseshoe shaped that is supposed to be good if she's loose or if you're thin, but I can't vouch for it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stop worrying about her orgasms. She's in charge of caring about those from here on. Later on when you get the occasional wild hair down the road and feel eating her until she squirms for fun.

Worry more about getting enthusiasm out of her through emphasis.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

At least she's still having sex with you.

OP needs to be thinking beyond accepting starfish, though. That's a loss or neutral only if it's UP from nothing.

People do stupidly project or shift. Like in the case of masking an issue, but I can't see why she'd frame it so negatively towards him if she had a legit issue, and saw him as a catch still.

Try to make me think it's my fault and it's not? Double doozy bad wife!

[–]The_Litz0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Could it be that she does not trust you? She thinks you are screwing around and is scared she might catch the nasties from you?

Have you given her a reason to be suspicious?

This is not normal behaviour.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You know, my brain jumped to: She knows she has something new. Doesn't want him getting it and getting suspicious. Of course she already gave him herps so what's left? Hepetitis? The Clap?

After that weird request I'd be going to the Dr to get checked for new critters. Confirmation and I know I didn't stray? Time for her to pack.

That being said I think it's still more likely just an attraction smv issue. Or at least I hope so for OPs sake.

[–]The_Litz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Shucks man, I don't believe I just got pulled into OP's wife frame, even knowing AWALT I was thinking she doesn't trust him, and then you mention she might have the nasties and BINGO the light goes on for me. I am a slow learner it seems!

But I think hou are right, it is an attraction issue with OP.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

She already gave me the nasties when I was 19. I am sure she knows I have been a beta chump that needs her and haven't been sleeping around.

[–]SorcererKing0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you got what you needed from other posts here on the condom issue. But you need this just in general.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Welcome to the married red pill.

Her reaction is based ENTIRELY on her attraction to you. She's not attracted to you any more. You have two paths you can take for yourself, each comes with two paths that she can take in response.

1) Improve your sexual market value. Figure out how to make more money at work. Lift, lose body fat, improve your clothes, etc. She will either improve her attitude or not. If she does, congratulations on a more successful marriage, don't let up on your self-improvement efforts. If she does not, implement dread. If she doesn't want to be a part of your life moving forward, then move on. Since you'll be in better shape physically, you should be able to meet more women and your life can improve.

2) Do nothing for yourself. You can deliver hollow, meaningless ultimatums to her, which she will ignore, losing respect for you every step of the way. You can try to negotiate her desire for you: "If I do the chores, will you have sex with me?" This will not improve the situation, and will end up with you having (at best) obligatory monthly sex and at worst no sex at all and she's cheating on you with someone else.

Yes, your wife should absolutely want to have sex with you when and where you want it. But you have to create that desire in her. You were there once (she married you, I'm assuming there was some sexual attraction then), and you can be there again.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am going with option 1. Regardless of the outcome I have become a better man.

[–]mrpCamper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

From my own experience before RP a few years ago. When we were in between birth control options, my wife suggested using a condom. I said ok but she should put it on me with her mouth. She said yes. It was a fun little thing for a bit. Was probably very "alpha" of me and I didn't even know why it worked then.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Do you want to bust in there after that?
I am not being sarcastic, but after that kind of rejection, Do you really want to? just something you can ask yourself as you lift

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I didn't bust in that I stopped the sex and rolled over went to sleep. Woke up rubbed one out loud and proud while she played cell phone games.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

my point exactly. why you married bro? seriously I meant if she ever "wants " you again, would you even care?

[–]dandar46000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

When I started on this journey my wife agreed to more sex and then bought condoms. She knew I wanted more kids but at the same time I wasn't good enough for that. I tried one from each pack. After that I never used one again. When she said to put on a condom I just said no. I left it up to her to stop sex. I wasn't going to wear one and that was that. I also wasn't gonna pull out. So it was up to her to deny me sex or get pussy full of cum. She's 20 weeks pregnant now.

Having said that, if she ever aborted my child she would be my ex wife. I would never stand for that. I would hate her if she ever did this.

[–]chief_slap_ahoe0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Are you sure she isn't cheating.

[–]xjedimindx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes I am sure I've checked all her emails phone and computer. We have a security camera. She was at home with kids all summer. They went back to school last week.

I have just been a beta and let her walk all over me.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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