You're a bad dad!

ice_walker · 2018-08-16T08:44:47+00:00

What would a good leader do if one of the team members talks BS about him to the other team members and he finds out? He wouldn't get emotional about it. He wouldn't start to argue about it. He would not start to defend or explain himself.

He would identify this as a potential problem, that may or may not need to be adressed at this point. If it needs to be adressed, he would do so in a non-emotional manner, with the team member in question, and not relate it to the situation at hand, in this case the laundry, since it has got nothing to do with the laundry. The problem is not that your emotions or ego is hurt, the problem is that the team (i.e. family) suffers from wifes shitty behavior.

"Look, I've heard from kid X that you said I was a bad dad. That is not OK behaviour between parents, and it harms the kids and the family. If you have a problem with me then it's between us and don't drag in the kids. Don't do that again." Then STFU and potentially just leave if she tries to come with "Yea but you blablabla".

And BTW, option 3 all the way, pics or it didn't happen!

Rian_Stone · 2018-08-16T12:54:49+00:00

I've been that kid who mom would vent about how bad dad was. Shut that shit down, you're fucking up your sons chances in the future.

she's basically conditionning him to do the oppositte of what you do to please mommy, and it's going to friend zone him for life

This is shitty single mom bullshit she is pulling.

weakandsensitive · 2018-08-16T10:19:55+00:00

Did you really let your son shit test you?

If your wife didn't say shit, your eldest is probably white knighting because of your blue pill beta history.

Others think your wife is trash talking you. I'd bet she made an off-hand comment and your son (I assume he's young), trained in blue pill equality society, drew connections. Question is - does your wife even care? I'd be surprised if she did.

Wife starts putting washing away and asks me if i can put my own washing away (Shit test) as i haddnt finished.

Shit test? Doubt it. Logistics more likely. Also a frame issue. You don't do any qualifying either.

How about "I'm headed out for the moment. If you haven't done it, I will do it when I'm back."

There's this funny thing about asking, because when you ask, you're giving people a choice. When you're giving a person a choice, don't get butthurt when they don't choose the choice you want. For example, when I ask my now 3 year old if she wants to put on clothes and she says "No!" and runs around giggling, I find myself going "well... what did I expect?".

When I don't want to give my daughter a choice, I don't. When I don't want to give my wife a choice, I don't. They can still booth choose to do differently. Now we have a different situation, but choice isn't the problem.

le_dod0 · 2018-08-16T08:11:06+00:00

Next time put the laundry away. And do the dishes. And give her a massage. Then you will be a good dad!

On a more serious note, stop doing shit when you have a SAHM! I understand that men help around the house when BOTH parties are working and there is not enough energy or time to do all the shit. But SAHM's are NOT to be helped. It's the easiest job in the world, not the hardest as the feminine media pictures it.

So, next time, simply state the truth, with a poker face. "You were home all day, I asked you to do X and you failed. I don't like this." Leave it at that and don't do ANYTHING, don't do the work for her.

Lift heavy, as you seem weak and fat from your stats. Take care of yourself first, fuck the house, the chores and anything that eats up your time and is not bringing value. Stop fucking helping SAHMs'. If she doesn't bring money in, that is her fucking job, taking care of the kid and house.

Sticking your dick in a meat grinder is always a nice option, that'll show her!

markpf73 · 2018-08-16T12:20:31+00:00

You know...your wife sounds like my mother.

She raised a blue pill bitch in an alpha body. I remember my mother conditioning me to think my dad was bad. She wouldn’t overtly say it, but she would say things like don’t ever be like him...

My dad didn’t own his shit or properly handle his bitch. He was a good dad in that he wasn’t abusive, provided, and did his best to keep the peace. He was a great beta fag dad. End result I really don’t like him much.

Are you a beta fag? That’s why you’re a bad dad that your kid one day won’t really like. Get your Ho back in pocket.

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-08-16T13:28:09+00:00

Next time, you put the laundry away and have the kids help you. Make it fun if you can. I play the "sock-match game" with my young ones.

This way everyone in the house is working as a team under your leadership to get the chores done. If your wife decides to sit on her ass rather than participate, it will go without saying who is failing to contribute. Kids are smart, and follow actions much more than words.

Take it slow. Don't go all Red Pill Rambo, mate. Judging by your stats, you have a long way to go before your wife starts rebuilding attraction and respect for you.

mattizie · 2018-08-16T09:32:48+00:00

What a god damn facepalm, by writing practically anything here it's just making it worse.

Back to basics.

Why do we wash clothes? Because we don't like wearing dirty clothes. Why do we wash other people's clothes? Because we want to, and in the case of children, have a duty to.

Everyone has the right look after themselves. We share work loads because it's more efficient and leaves more time for everyone else: rather than one person making their own food, and washing their own dishes, it's quicker to have one person cook for all, and one wash dishes for all.

Next time, wash your and your kids' clothes, leave your wives alone. She hasn't proven herself reliable in washing your clothes, so you'll take matters into your own hands. However, you're a very busy man and don't have time for this bullshit so you do what you want to do (your clothes) and what you have a duty to do (kids clothes) and not the optional stuff (your wife's clothes).

In the relationship, the one with the least fucks to give has the most power. If it keeps spiralling on itself, the worst it gets is that you do your shit, she does her shit, and the place is filthy. Most likely she will crack first, at which point you negotiate the workload and everyone is happy again.

Personally, we share the cleaning, but my wife does most of it. She knows that if she asks me to get involved, I do it properly: every speck of dust or every surface, under every piece of furniture, and on top of every light fitting; bleach mop the tiles; pressure wash the screen doors; the fucking lot. It takes ages and is a very thorough clean; halfway through she wants to stop, but I don't stop. I also tend - during the cleaning process - to want to throw out a lot of her useless crap that she's accumulated, or stuff all her disorganised papers, cards, fluffy pens, plastic bunny cup things, expired fancy chocolate, and other useless crap that women tend distribute around the house in one "organised" bag that goes into her bedside cupboard for her to sort out. This also means that she kind of has to be around when I do cleaning to make sure I don't do something like throw out her old-granny underwear. So now she does her own light cleans, and doesn't involve me, but I appreciate that she keeps the house generally clean and I handle all the vacuuming and car stuff at least once a week, and on my time. Works for us.

But the real answer is just keep working on yourself, and eventually you become the man that a woman WANTS to do chores for, because it's a small price to pay for your company and attention.

[deleted] · 2018-08-16T10:09:51+00:00

You have several problems:

-Your lifts are incredibly weak. 7 months at the gym and you should be putting up more than 170. I have a story for you. Yesterday I was working out in my basement...which is practically a gym at this point. I was going through the motions of my normal squat and deadlift day and thinking "I think I'll just stick to 255x5 again today because I don't want to hurt myself and I'm not sure if I can do more." Even though I've put up 315x2 in the gym multiple times. And then I said to myself "Stop acting like a bitch." I put 285 on, which is every plate I currently have down there, and told myself "You don't think you can put this up? Prove it. Fail. The safety''s are there and you haven't needed to use them in weeks. Fail, and you can stay at 255." And every rep of the 285x5x3 I completed. Then I went and did it on deads as well.

-You tell your wife to do something and she doesnt...so you just do it for her and don't say anything. Yep you are the captain and your house stays clean. But if you direct her to do a specific task and she doesnt...you gotta follow up on that. There are instances where you simply take it as a sign of where you are in her eyes and the value she brings...but at some point you need to draw the line. And I'm not recommending you Rambo this and the very first time she doesn't do anything you lay down the law...so here's a little outline:

"Hey I need you to get your laundry out of here. I don't like seeing it lay around." She doesnt:

1st offense: "Hey what happened to the laundry?"

(Her excuse)

"Okay I need it done."

2nd offense: "Look, I understand you are busy, but this needs to be done. If you keep not doing it, I'm going to take the laundry, and throw it into your shower."

(Her bitching).

3rd offense: You take her laundry and throw it into her shower.

Set your boundary.

-You don't have a solid framework of who does what around the house. My wife knows what her chores are. She knows when I expect her to do them, and there's consequences for not doing them. If you don't set expectations on what you do, and what she does, then you'll both constantly be walking around eyeing the other person thinking covertly "Look at this house, it''s a mess. She/he didn't do X. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or they didn't have time or they don't know it's their job...but I don't like it. I'll just passive aggressively stare at him/her until they read my mind and get it done."

-Your wife is sabotaging you by talking trash to the kids. BIG no no in my book. YOU are the captain. Problems come to you. This isn't a war. She doesn't get to weaponize the kids. Hard stop.

-You don't know how to handle a kid's thoughts. I was going to say judgement, but it's not even that. It's more like a question. They're saying that to you to see how you respond...and your response will tell them whether what mommy said was true or not, and what your state of mind is about it. They aren't doing this purposefully of course. But by you asking what they think...you are putting the veracity of attack statements from mommy on their shoulders. Dont do that. Instead...show them mommy's judgements areally laughable.

"Mommy said you're a bad daddy."

"Bad huh? Like you? Maybe we can be outlaws together and run from the cops. Cmon we gotta go pack our suitcases before they find us." And pick the kid up and run to pack.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-08-16T12:01:30+00:00

discipline her..-take her over your knee and spank that ass. - in a playful way. You’ll know where you stand by her reaction.

man_in_the_world · 2018-08-16T14:26:54+00:00

If you played with your kids every day in a masculine way you would never hear this from them.

You are a bad dad ... just not for the reason you were given.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2018-08-16T14:48:35+00:00

If my wife said that to the kids, they would chuckle and know it's not true.

To the kid, you should have said "I'm the worst."

If the kid is 4-5, it's time to start training them to help around the house.

SorcererKing · 2018-08-16T17:49:12+00:00

Christ, you have a serious frame problem. Why in hell do you care what senseless shit your kid babbles?

Your kid: "You're a bad dad!"

You: "You ain't seen nothin' yet. Now go clean your room."

Jesus, you give sooooo many fucks about sooooo many things, it's a miracle you can even function.

Senor_Martillo · 2018-08-16T08:03:16+00:00

Option 3. Definitely 3.

MRPFuckMe1 · 2018-08-16T08:36:40+00:00

There’s gonna be the canned MRP answer: lift! And that’s applicable because your stats are pretty bad. Your wife’s willingness to talk shit in your son’s ear, however, is disturbing to say the least. How old is he?

So yes, your first priority is to improve those stats. Beyond that, I’d say do something with the boy one-on-one to create bonding so he can make his own decisions about your aptitude as a father. You can’t let that stick. She’s totally out of line, but talking to her about it won’t do any good. Acta non verba.

Persaeus · 2018-08-16T13:02:50+00:00

my approach on chores is, i never walk past them. either do them or delegate them. set the standard.

the lack of respect from your kids is appalling.

ParaXilo · 2018-08-16T15:35:07+00:00

Everyone else addressed your main post so I'll address this because I didn't see anyone had.

What in the actual fuck are you doing in the gym? Are you having fuckarounditis?

We're the close to the same height 5'5" but I'm at 164lbs 22%bf so pretty close in stats.

Did you just start lifting? Are those 1RMs? Are you following something structured? Tracking your lifts? Increasing weight each workout and setting goals?

Edit: injury and looking into PT. Got it now.

SBIII · 2018-08-16T18:10:24+00:00

When was the last time you fucked your wife?

CalvinRichland · 2018-08-18T15:17:00+00:00

You need to METAPHORICALLY stomp that insubordinate shit into a stain in the carpet.

red-sfpplus · 2018-08-16T11:31:35+00:00

I was expecting to see it was your wife that said you are a bad dad. Saw it was your son.

Thats earns you an ass whopping in my house. Do your kids know the sound a leather belt makes when rapidly removed from a pair of jeans?

No? Well I do from my childhood and my kids do as well.

I also don’t have little disobedient fucktard kids who disrespect me.

YMMV.

Faggot.

Title	You're a bad dad!
Author	FoxShitNasty83
Upvotes	12
Comments	85
Date	August 16, 2018 7:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/97qdk4/youre_a_bad_dad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/youre-a-bad-dad.204100 https://theredarchive.com/post/204100