Are all relationships that explore sexuality prior to marriage headed towards failure?

OrlandoTheAxe · 2020-01-10T16:48:34+00:00

Definitely not all. Just look at OYS on the main sub. There are a couple guys who had premarital sex with their wives that also have stable marriages.

I almost linked to an older post where someone asked, "what's the point in abstaining?" but then I realized it's your post!

Deep_Strength · 2020-01-10T18:15:30+00:00

No, but they certainly increase your chance of failure.

The best thing to do if you are in one is to stop all sin and repent and do it God's way. You can't take back the sin or become "virgins" again or anything, but you can honor God now and in the future by obeying His principles.

There are many secular couples who don't divorce and are happy and have tons of sex before marriage. This is not a metric that we should base our success or fail on. The Scriptures on marriage like Ephesians 5 show us that the husband-wife marriage is supposed to model Christ and the Church, so it's a witness and model to the world of Christ.

Here's my copy and paste with the studies.

Science almost always affirms Christians views on "wisdom" in the relationships/marriage department. These points are no exception.

Delaying sexual contact within a relationship (early sex, later sex, after marriage sex) results in increased relationship satisfaction, better communication, less consideration of divorce, better sexual quality and other concerns.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/slow-but-sure-does-the-timing-of-sex-during-dating-matter

We found that the longer a dating couple waits to have sex, the better their relationship is after marriage. In fact, couples who wait until marriage to have sex report higher relationship satisfaction (20% higher), better communication patterns (12% better), less consideration of divorce (22% lower), and better sexual quality (15% better) than those who started having sex early in their dating (see Figure 2). For couples in between—those that became sexually involved later in their dating, but prior to marriage—the benefits were about half as strong.

Probable reasoning:

For many young adults, the single life has become synonymous with hook-ups and sexual experimentation. The problem with these patterns is that proper partner selection is often difficult for sexually involved couples who experience strong physical rewards with each other, as these rewards can cause them to ignore or minimize deeper incompatibilities in the relationship. The human brain and body do not just experience pleasure during sex; they also experience strong sensations of attachment and bonding. Simply put, we are hardwired to connect. Rapid sexual initiation often creates poor partner selection because intense feelings of pleasure and attachment can be confused for true intimacy and lasting love. Early sex creates a sort of counterfeit intimacy that makes two people think they are closer to each other than they really are. This can cause people to “fall in love” with, and possibly even marry, someone who is not a good choice for them in the long run.

And some others on the same topics:

Divorce risk increases with sex before marriage along with lower marital satisfaction:

https://ifstudies.org/blog/counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

Cohabitation increases risk of divorce and lower marital satisfaction.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/cohabitation-is-pervasive

You will generally have a happier, more stable, more satisfying marriage if you wait until marriage to have sex and don't cohabitate. This should not be a surprise. God made us, and His recommend course of action is the best.

However, the more concerning problem is the flippant attitude towards obeying God:

If there's no consequences for not waiting and no benefits for waiting..... then I wasted like 10+ years of my life when I could have been having "fun".

This is one of the big examples of lukewarm Christianity in Revelation 3. God hates that. Either be all in or all out.

Even if there was "no consequences" or even "bad consequences" such as martyrdom, we still should focus on obeying God rather than men.

CarelessBowler5 · 2020-01-11T19:38:58+00:00

My wife and I had sex before marriage. Ask me anything.

DoersOfTheWord · 2020-01-14T03:54:15+00:00

Nope. Married over 20 years. People like to make excuses for why their marriage failed. Our parents weren't Christians, we did this sin, porn, money, etc, etc.

redwall92 · 2020-01-10T15:07:12+00:00

"Headed towards failure"

"bound to fail sooner or later"

You've got to define your terms if you want to get a meaningful answer to whatever your question happens to be.

BUT ... either way ... What path are you on? If you're not on the path headed to where you want to go, then figure out where it is you want to go, change course, and get a move on.

Title	Are all relationships that explore sexuality prior to marriage headed towards failure?
Author	agoodcrayon
Upvotes	2
Comments	13
Date	January 10, 2020 7:21 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askRPC
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/emnl06/are_all_relationships_that_explore_sexuality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/are-all-relationships-that-explore-sexuality-prior.356429 https://theredarchive.com/post/356429