Duty Sex Sucks, How to Proceed?

September 21, 2019
4 upvotes

Edit for stats: 21%BF, 1rm bench 200, squat 270, DL 335, ohp 130.

Mission: Tell us what it is and why you need a woman's help accomplishing it (I'm being serious). -- I haven't fleshed out my mission, but includes raising awesome, lord willing God fearing family, and utilizing my giftings to share Christ's love and gospel message with those around me

Reading: Which sidebar content you've read (RPC and/or MRP) -Bpp series, nmmng, all the rpc 100, 200, 300

Finances: Current job and income quality, future prospects, debt issues -no debt issues -just left stable full time with around 100K a yr to launch a biz. So far it's successful and on track in growth. Should be matching my income in about 4 months if trends continue.

Spirtual: How mature you are, how often you pray, have quiet times, share your faith, memorize Scripture, etc. --evetyday I become more aware of my own inadequacy, pray at least twice daily with family plus spontaneously alone. Read bible 4-5 days a week as of last 4 wks. Evangelism is zip, working on improving my frame here to improve it

I'm initiating, and my wife is full of dread (not the "good" kind though) -- her dread is primarily rooted in the knowledge that I'm willing to leave the marriage over having literally zero sex for months on end.

Didn't intend to have that conversation with her, but she discovered it through my search history so I chose to own it. I'm not going to walk back my stance on that, and she desperately wants more kids.

So, for one reason or another, she's trying to have a better sex life and not reject me or play dumb with me anymore (I can't believe how she literally pretended not to notice my initiations and I accepted that BS for years).

I still account for 100% of initiations.

Around 80% of the time, it's still very clearly duty sex. There are occasions where she gets into it (ovulation time I suppose) and that's actually enjoyable for her and she cums from clitoral stimulation.

The other 80% of the times feel like borderline rape (I've read that post about unhappy wives) -- eyes closed, cringy facial expression, reluctant kiss, angry snaps if I try to touch her breasts.

Yesterday, I initiated. She suggested we watch a bit of tv then shower together, then she'd be down. Obviously this signaled duty sex, not desire. Decided to roll with it, and tried to have some fun undressing her before shower to see if I could move her from duty to enjoyment. As I got more sexual, she snapped at me--not in a "fun" LMR kind of way.

I tried to disguise my butthurt, told her that was a turn-off and I wasn't feeling it anymore.

She apologized and says she doesn't know why she acts like that--asked me to join her in the shower. We proceed to have a very non-sexual shower, followed by some very poor duty sex.

Obviously her actions scream her lack of desire/attraction to me (physically?), her resentment for my willingness to leave, and who knows what else. It's difficult to even stay erect during these crappy lays.

What's the right course of action (right now)--keep initiating? Keep accepting duty sex? Obviously the long term plan is to become more physically attractive, socially attractive.

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Post Information
Title Duty Sex Sucks, How to Proceed?
Author cdnrpc
Upvotes 4
Comments 13
Date September 21, 2019 9:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askRPC
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/duty-sex-sucks-how-to-proceed.304630
https://theredarchive.com/post/304630
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/d7gaix/duty_sex_sucks_how_to_proceed/
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