~ archived since 2018 ~

How to prevent being taken advantage of

July 6, 2020

I've recently dealt with an issue where a personal trainer tried to take advantage of me by working out with his friends during our slotted time. I went straight to the manager and told him to give me a different trainer or I'm quitting. Instead, he sent the trainer back to me without clarifying what was happening. And the PT showed obvious signs of being angered and flustered: giving non-apologies, slamming weight plates, changing the workout, and rude "encouragement." I quickly ended the session and tried to distance myself - he followed so I asked for the manager again. Seeing as how the manager even seemed hesitant to speak with me away from the PT, showed me he wasn't on my side. And now, I'm working to get my money back and avoiding this gym chain.

I reflect on what had happened and I believe a lot of people make an instinctive calculation and decide what they can get away with. His extreme reaction being the result of his realization he had made an error. But I've been through this several times in my life. A coworker stealing my stuff and attacking me from behind after I confront him, resulting in me becoming a ostracized. A subordinate threatening to assault me, resulting in both of us being fired.

The common denominator is me. I can tell myself I can stand up for myself and I have. But there must be something about the way I carry myself and interact with these people that make them think they can take it too far. My coworker could have stolen from others but he chose me. I would rather the situation not escalate at all because when it does, the "manager" for my scenarios take the easy wrong over the harder right and side against me. And it ends up feeling like I need to avoid groups or places ie-the kid of the guy who threatened me going to the same BJJ as me, so I quit.

I've been listening to psalms while working out. Are there any passages that could help shed light on mitigating this kind of situation?

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Post Information
Title How to prevent being taken advantage of
Author yagop1
Upvotes 8
Comments 10
Date July 6, 2020 11:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askRPC
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/how-to-prevent-being-taken-advantage-of.705483
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/hmitla/how_to_prevent_being_taken_advantage_of/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]Deep_Strength4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've recently dealt with an issue where a personal trainer tried to take advantage of me by working out with his friends during our slotted time.

"It seems unprofessional to me that you're interacting with your friends during our slotted time"

If he's still unprofessional then go to the manger. If you go above right away, you're almost always going to build animosity as most normal people generally want the opportunity to correct their mistakes. I've probably done this inadvertently before too.

That still doesn't excuse his behavior but use some wisdom.

A coworker stealing my stuff and attacking me from behind after I confront him, resulting in me becoming a ostracized. A subordinate threatening to assault me, resulting in both of us being fired.

Can't speak for those situations without more details. Do you come off as a nice guy? Have you read no more Mr nice guy? Do you leave things out that give people opportunities to take stuff? Are you firm when you talk with people? Do you come off as taking a big game but can't back it up?

[–]yagop1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been told I look angry all the time. So maybe I’ve overcompensated, which explains why these handful of people seem to be shocked at the resistance I give. I’ll try to plan out an escalation of force for next time. I might need to let a bit of my strictness go and evaluate people better on how well they respond to these things. And no I have not read that book. Looks like there’s also a no more Christian nice guy.

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think the plain and simple answer is that these *snowflakes* (and I believe the word is being used appropriately in this context) are not used to confrontation. Most people have never had to work on themselves in areas of confrontation which results in people getting angry manifestinng physically, verbally, etc. We are no longer living in an era of hard work on oneself, but do everything in our possible strength to avoid confronting people to any degree. You took them out of their comfort zone. Keep standing up for yourself. It's something I regularly shy away from due to being worried for myself physically in those instances.

[–]UpTanks1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The worst thing you can do in these situations is overthink it. Just speak calmly and directly address the issue and to the person first - and then (if it persists) management.

Like another commenter said, most people will get flustered due to their immaturity. Well that's because those people were never told "no" by their parents, which has led to them treating you or others disrespectfully. They are essentially children but in adult bodies, which makes them dangerous.

It's on you to confront them in a way that isn't threatening, otherwise they fight/flight.

As for your issues more generally:

Get bigger, stronger and better at fighting. Speak in a descending tone and look people in the eye when speaking to them. If someone is threatening you, stand with your arms crossed ready if they take a swing. Stand your ground and don't be afraid of conflict.

I wouldn't give a stuff if some kid of a dude who threatened me trains at the same BJJ whatever gym. It sounds like you are either a coward, really small or living in the hood(?). Bigger things in life mate, I bet the dude doesn't even remember you lol

[–]yagop1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey man, I appreciate the advice you gave all the way up to implying I’m a coward. He threatened my life after I stood up to him and, after reporting him, we both got fired from our jobs. Now that I got a family, the last thing I need to do is throw my life away for some idiotic notion of pride for a low life disgruntled employee.

[–]UpTanks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No worries, and apologies for that - but you still haven't given a whole lot of context.

In the case of you being fired, I don't know what the procedure is where you live but here it would be reported to and dealt with by the ACCC. The company would be fined and you would either have compensation or your job back. As for the man who threatened you, a restraining order could be an option?

But what's standing out to me right now is the fact that you haven't mentioned Church at all.

If this happened to me, I would absolutely use my connections through Church for protection, prosecution and new employment. The Church is supposed to be there for you, and since you haven't mentioned it - I can only assume that you either don't go or perhaps go to a weak congregation.

[–]agoodcrayon1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What are your stats? What kind of demeanor do you carry? What do you look like? Are you y’all or short? Do you have a punchable face? Are you attractive or unattractive?

If you’ve just begun this journey of improvement and lifting then you’ll be tested appropriately for the first year. It’s a growing pain but it will ease. In reality, you’re actually being calloused through these situations.

I would look forward to opposition if I were you. It’s just another nail that needs to get hammered. In time, you’ll be used to it and you won’t be asking this question.

On another note, this is the world we live in. These people don’t know what they’re doing. Be the guy that does know. You’re self-aware enough to recognize this event. Seek God and don’t take it personal when things get tough.

Also, I’d recommend a book for you:

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

[–]yagop1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been told by a boss that folks have said I look angry all the time. Being physically fit is my job but I wanted a PT to help me recover from some injuries and try to get some “formal” physical training. Honestly, I’m better off staying self taught. I’ll try to detach more and look forward to the next time. Thanks

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Implementing the books in the sidebar reading would go along way to getting you where it sounds like you want to be.

No More Mr Nice Guy

When I Saw No I Feel Guilty

How to Win Friends and Influence People

[–]ENTPunisher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Many people who don't know me well will try to pull a fast one and take advantage of me because (1) I'm always polite and (2) I have a baby face and look 5 years younger.

I then have to spend time demonstrating to them that they have made a huge mistake and totally misjudged my propensity towards ****ing them over. But it's always worth the time spent to knock their pride down 2 notches.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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