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My friend wants to marry more than one woman

September 20, 2022
4 upvotes

Before our recent conversation that led me to creating this post. My friend told me to read content on RPC to improve my odds with women and to improve myself as a man for Christ.

Now from what I have read here it seems the core of the message is become a strong man for God. Serve to expand God's kingdom by sharpening other men to build them up and spread the gospel. And that attraction will naturally follow for a healthy marriage as God created it to be. Including the fact it should be between one man and one woman.

My friend however now rejects the idea of limiting himself to one woman. He doesn't believe in being a sniper for dating or marriage. He instead claims a man should always be a shotgun. So he is going to marry more than one woman to maintain dread. Since he burns with passion and understandably can not resist the impulse to have sex for the rest of his life.

I told him Jesus Christ in scripture outlined clearly the Godly standard is one man becomes one flesh with one woman. And that 1 Timothy 3:2 should be our standard for marriage.

My friend answered with Ecclesiastes 7:28 and said the women of modern times are done. Meaning he basically expects them to commit adultery. For they will not truly respect a husband that actually commits to them alone. And will covertly see you as weak no matter how much power or wealth you gain. If you are not willing to dump them in a hot second for another woman. His biblical answer to this is to marry at least two if not three women to deal with this reality.

I pressed him on this until he flat out told me trusting a single woman with all your eggs is foolish. And that he wants at least some biological offspring that don't end up getting the shaft by some woman that decides to upend it all. With divorce and the family court system.

I am not blind to his grievance. I understand where he sees this as there are a lot of broken family's now. It's even considered normal by too many in church. When this culture should be condemned for the damage mass at will divorce has brought upon society. And since things are only getting worse instead of better. Could my friend's solution actually be correct?

I ask this question because if he is wrong then no one other than men here can correct him. As he will not accept correction from any pastor or other Christians on the issue.

But if I am still blind in some way here. If he is actually correct. Then my question is how on earth do I in my walk with God. Actually on a pragmatic and spiritual level manage to deal with two or more wife's?

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Post Information
Title My friend wants to marry more than one woman
Author canofdeath007
Upvotes 4
Comments 9
Date September 20, 2022 11:58 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit /r/askRPC
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/my-friend-wants-to-marry-more-than-one-woman.1132352
https://theredarchive.com/post/1132352
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/xj6u58/my_friend_wants_to_marry_more_than_one_woman/
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Comments

[–]Praexology 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And that 1 Timothy 3:2 should be our standard for marriage.

Are you trying to force him into being an overseer? What if he doesn't want to be one?

How old are both of you?

[–]Deep_Strength 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I pressed him on this until he flat out told me trusting a single woman with all your eggs is foolish. And that he wants at least some biological offspring that don't end up getting the shaft by some woman that decides to upend it all. With divorce and the family court system.

If the Bible itself isn't convincing to a Christian then that's a whole other problem altogether.

This seems to make it clear that he's operating from the frame of fear rather than that of God.

The issue is not that he wants to have more than one wife (and good luck convincing most women to do that unless you're a mega Chad not to mention it sabotages your witness even if you don't want to be an elder) but the underlying reasons that lead to that. A man walking in fear will sabotage his own relationships anyway.

[–]canofdeath007[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

He already has two young women dating him and they know about each other. The reason he told me about this in the first place is because he sat them both down and they agreed to a double engagement with him. As they want to know each other better before actually agreeing to a spiritual marriage. That's why the head pastor, myself and other men have confronted him about this.

I do not think he is operating from a frame of fear. As I know the guy doesn't care about how divorce would impact him personally. He just knows that keeping custody of any children would be a struggle if the mother divorced him. And he does care about that because his mother committed adultery before divorcing his father when he was a kid.

His justification as it relates to what RPC calls mission is like this. He believes strongly in casting large nets. And that it would be more productive to have many of his own children to disciple instead of dealing with people that are mostly formed in who they are. And therefore much harder to change or mold to the image he would prefer a disciple to have. Reasoning that does fit in with his at times comically cynical world view.

My friend does not see having more than one wife as overall damaging to his witness. Because he views success as a positive to his witness. Including sexual success and while it may put women off. Men would be drawn into conversation asking how he pulled it off. He cares far more about his ability to reach other men than women because they are more effective kingdom builders.

My main issue here is that, I do not think his stated mission aligns with the bible. In a brief very oversimplified nutshell. He more or less expects the world including the church to fall into satanic hands over the next 10-20 years. And would rather write people off than give anyone a 2nd chance.

[–]Deep_Strength 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I do not think he is operating from a frame of fear. As I know the guy doesn't care about how divorce would impact him personally. He just knows that keeping custody of any children would be a struggle if the mother divorced him. And he does care about that because his mother committed adultery before divorcing his father when he was a kid.

That is the definition of operating from fear. Being worried about divorce so much that you do something questionable at best. I've written on this topic a lot before.

https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2021/03/26/the-fear-of-women-leads-to-failure/

His justification as it relates to what RPC calls mission is like this. He believes strongly in casting large nets. And that it would be more productive to have many of his own children to disciple instead of dealing with people that are mostly formed in who they are. And therefore much harder to change or mold to the image he would prefer a disciple to have. Reasoning that does fit in with his at times comically cynical world view.

My friend does not see having more than one wife as overall damaging to his witness. Because he views success as a positive to his witness. Including sexual success and while it may put women off. Men would be drawn into conversation asking how he pulled it off. He cares far more about his ability to reach other men than women because they are more effective kingdom builders.

If you're portraying him correctly, these two don't line up.

First, he wants children to disciple cause dealing with men is too hard? But then you're also claiming he's saying he wants to reach other men which is in contrast to the above statement.

Not only that if most of the Christian men are telling him it's wrong then he's not going to be able to "reach" them because it does destroy his witness.

My main issue here is that, I do not think his stated mission aligns with the bible. In a brief very oversimplified nutshell. He more or less expects the world including the church to fall into satanic hands over the next 10-20 years. And would rather write people off than give anyone a 2nd chance.

If you and multiple men have gone to him and told him not to, there's nothing really anyone here can say that is going to change his mind unless he actually reads here and takes any of us seriously.

[–]canofdeath007[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

After showing my friend this post this evening. He told me it's his final decision. While he respects the opinions of the endorsed members here. My friend said he has chosen his path for good reason.

As his main target for discipleship outside his planned family is converting young men and teens rather than those "stuck in their blue pilled feminized church ways". His plan for this marriage to stir up interest and conversation with those groups is likely going to work. As I'll admit when I was a worldly man seeing a guy keep two women would draw me into a conversation with them.

I understand where his thought process comes from. As I know getting a christian man that is established in the church to change is a lot harder and likely a vain effort in many cases. And while I respect the duty pastor's have. They are fairly weak toward women. The sins they commit and even preaching biblical truth about the woman's role in a biblical marriage.

In any case I thank you guys for the answers provided.

[–]Deep_Strength 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As his main target for discipleship outside his planned family is converting young men and teens rather than those "stuck in their blue pilled feminized church ways"

We've done plenty of that without resorting to polygamy, so he's clearly wrong that it's not effective. Which is illegal in most places anyway so there is that too.

I understand where his thought process comes from. As I know getting a christian man that is established in the church to change is a lot harder and likely a vain effort in many cases. And while I respect the duty pastor's have. They are fairly weak toward women. The sins they commit and even preaching biblical truth about the woman's role in a biblical marriage.

This is a poor thought process too IMO. It's the same as the feminists:

  1. Some men abuse their leadership/headship in marriage.
  2. Therefore, all headship is bad.
  3. Hence, we need to "get rid of the patriarchy" or in the case of Christians "men and women are equal in marriage" which is not what the Bible states.

In reality, we know authority is good because God made it. The fact that men (and women for that matter) can be abusive or sinful does not mean God's structures are bad.

After showing my friend this post this evening. He told me it's his final decision. While he respects the opinions of the endorsed members here. My friend said he has chosen his path for good reason.

Shrug. It's up to an individual if they want to ignore wise counsel.

[–]rocknrollchuck 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Matthew 19:3-9 and 1 Corinthians 7:1-17 (the entire chapter covers more) are the two main New Testament passages that speak to one husband/one wife outside of the requirements for elders.

Why is it important? Because marriage parallels the relationship between Christ and His bride.

[–]canofdeath007[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My friend addressed this point in the argument I had with him. That because Christ takes more than "one virgin" (Meaning each of us that repents) to become part of the church. That he can do so too since God never condemned the behavior in the old testament.

Not that I disagree with you here. As I would say he is being rather liberal about his view of scripture on this point.

[–]Auxfite 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

polygamy is allowed and its in our nature to procreate.. this monogamy society has failed us.. 72% divorce rate, just make sure you tell the women you are before u deal with them

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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