What to do when you've aged significantly more than your husband?

July 19, 2020
1 upvotes

Woman after two kids "hit the wall" so to speak. I'm 26 he'd 31, yet I already look like I'm 35 and he's still so handsome. I had some health issues along with the stress that my marriage brings that has led to rapid aging along the 4 years of our marriage. I am very insecure about it and I honestly know my husband can do so much better than me. He has girls look at him all the time, sometimes they do it out of spite for me in public. ;/ I dress well, do my makeup, keep fit, am actively respecting him, etc. This is just one area that honestly makes me feel so humiliated. He watches porn just like any other man which doesn't help when they're younger women he watches? Should we just divorce? Or is it a sin for him to sleep with other women while we remain married? I really think he will be better off with a confident more vibrant wife. Or also he will be happier if he can use his manhood to pleasure someone perkier in his prime. I never have energy to do anything. When I bring up my concern to doctor's I am just told that children will do that do you, I have been given prescription anti aging creams.

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Post Information
Title What to do when you've aged significantly more than your husband?
Author Fantasiadreamcicle
Upvotes 1
Comments 29
Date July 19, 2020 6:13 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit /r/askRPC
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askRPC/what-to-do-when-youve-aged-significantly-more-than.715579
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askRPC/comments/hu52r9/what_to_do_when_youve_aged_significantly_more/
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Comments

[–]fatdadfitdad5 points6 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

The porn is a problem that needs confronting.

That’s another thread, though, from him.

I’ll give you my POV, as my wife and I have switched places as the “attractive” person in the marriage.

When we met she was a size 1, 34/32/34, natural DD physical goddess of a woman. Way out of my leagues up til then but I went for it, she liked my confidence, and we had a lot of sex even though I was 300+ lbs back then.

Four kids and 15+ of marriage (18+ yrs together) later, and I’m 170 lbs, in my 40s, beat shape of my life, and a certified personal trainer as a side gig. Her metabolism has hit a major change, and she has drastically changed, physically.

She has what I refer to as a “cortisol gut,” and is struggling to work with her new aging body.

Our sex life is not the 20x/week it once was, but I still take her on a trip to Pound Town often enough.

But here’s the thing: I wouldn’t want to trade her in for a younger woman because my wife is a centerpiece to the little kingdom we’re building by God’s providence and grace!

She’s wise, prudent, submits to my household leadership, and we are of the same mind in worldview and theology (but not eschatology...a topic for another day).

She is someone I can confide in, and she sees our family, our businesses, our household, etc. as the God-given things to defend and protect just as I do.

Just the other day she asked me why I don’t go find a 20/30-something girl to have and I responded, “Why would I trade away a kingdom for some poon?!”

Read today’s chapter of Proberbs (19). There’s some great nuggets about a God-given wife. You could be a gem for your husband, if you’re not a constantly dripping faucet complainer.

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (26 children) | Copy Link

Oh I'm def not a complainer. I have learned so much through the years and am probably the most respectful wife I know. Just after reading all of this red pill stuff and after studying scripture I really think poligamy is not out of the question. How can men be monogamous for their lives? Especially with aging wives?

Edit: also do you have a pic of you two that you would share if you don't mind?

[–][deleted]  (25 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (24 children) | Copy Link

So basically it's not a sin for me to allow him to have other women? I think that would solve some of our issues.

[–][deleted]  (23 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]Deep_Strength2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

I suppose it is sin yet David and Solomon - and many others - had many wives and God commended them.

The some to many wives also brought them much trouble, and in some cases turned them away from God.

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

Yes but did concubines get in the way of this? These are just sexual partners, not wives.

[–]Deep_Strength3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

The passage does not specify whether concubinage also contributed to his idol worship.

Aside from the fact that such things are illegal and generally considered adultery in most places, this includes the fact that Jesus reiterates in the NT that marriage was created by God to be one man and one woman which is the ideal. As a Christian, I don't think there's any reason why you shouldn't want to strive for the ideal either.

The goal is not to get away with as much as you can. It's to be a disciple maker and good witness to others, and it would be a negative witness in this case.

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

I thought Red Pill Christians thought it was ok to watch porn and to sleep with other women as long as that woman was not married? I've def seen that on this sub.

[–]Deep_Strength2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I thought Red Pill Christians thought it was ok to watch porn and to sleep with other women as long as that woman was not married? I've def seen that on this sub.

That is false. The OYS are anti-porn:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/hrpaff/oys_where_progress_is_made_071520/

How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use?

Topics on breaking the porn habits.

https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/search?q=porn&restrict_sr=on

If someone is advocating porn or pre-marital sex they are not in line with the Bible and thus not what what we advocate on RPC.

I am a mod and I've discussed this with the other mods.

/u/Red-Curious /u/rocknrollchuck

[–]OrlandoTheAxe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What?! I'll tell you one thing, that definitely ain't in the sidebar!

Anyone can come here and comment a bunch of garbage. When used maliciously, it's called a false flag. If you want to know what RPC truly believes, the sidebar is where you need to go.

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

They may start out as just sexual partners, but once you start having sex with someone, you bond with them and transfer your loyalty to them. The girlfriend becomes the partner, while the wife is the enemy.

I think it's possible you're unhappy because your man is using porn, which short-circuits the natural dynamics of the marriage. The solution isn't to bring even MORE outside people into your relationship!

Also, you are more than your looks! Personally I've gotten a lot more satisfaction out of my actions and accomplishments, so I'd say, work on those things. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best, but don't make it an obsession or buy into the hype of a lot of products that are marketed to play upon women's insecurities (without offering much in the way of real improvement).

[–]fatdadfitdad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, and reading David’s Psalms 51 and 32 and resonating with them, combined with Solomon’s Proverbs and Ecclesiastical writings about that very thing is what keeps me from acting on it.

They indulged and God ultimately commended their whole life but polygamy was a stain.

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

I think you totally deserve it. It's in your nature!! I hate how suppressed men are and then they're unhappy with their overweight wives down the line and that's not fair and honestly humiliating toward the wife. I never want my husband to feel stuck with me down the line! Though, I didn't expect to age so rapidly so quickly and that's why I'm having such a hard time right now.

[–][deleted]  (9 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

I developed alot of wrinkles all around. My face has sagged, my Breasts and skin on my chest is wrinkled. I've lost muscle definition no matter how many bi-cep curls I perform. I have not gained weight surprisingly, but struggle to keep it on and my skin had collagen loss. Like I said, I should be 26 year old looking, but I look like I'm 35. I never smoked and only moderately drank. I eat pretty healthy. I personally think its a genetic disorder, but doctor's have not said anything is wrong there.

[–][deleted]  (6 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I've always wondered that phenomenon myself. Ive never struggled with obesity in my life. Nevertheless he deserves a more youthful woman.

[–]Praexology2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You're being defeatist. Quit.

Continue being a good God serving wife, have attentive and intimate sex. Be a blessing to him, rather than a fearful

Our mission as God's people is not to have sex. Though it is a perk. But trying to cuckqueen him out is just simply not scripturally accurate.

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sorry, I don't understand all the RP language what does cuckqueen mean? I am a good serving sexually willing wife. I do my best to serve him always.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[removed]

[–]Praexology1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pretty much. From the outside it almost seems like youre getting some kind of 'flagellating high' off saying "he deserves more than me."

That kind of self denegration is not serving to your husband, and an unhealthy way to view marriage. The bride of Christ cannot tell him "go produce spiritual children with someone else because I'm not good enough."

[–]Deep_Strength1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Stats? Only have your age. What's your weight and measurements? Maybe something to work on there.

I am very insecure about it and I honestly know my husband can do so much better than me. He has girls look at him all the time, sometimes they do it out of spite for me in public.

The only one who can help insecurity is God. You need to read and meditate on the Scriptures about joy and peace.

I dress well, do my makeup, keep fit, am actively respecting him, etc.

All good stuff. Keep doing it. I don't know what you're saying as "keeping fit" but lifting weights for women is very anti-aging compared to cardio.

Make sure you're getting enough sleep and have a healthy diet too. Those are big things. Stress also makes it looks like you age faster, so eliminate those too.

This is just one area that honestly makes me feel so humiliated. He watches porn just like any other man which doesn't help when they're younger women he watches? Should we just divorce? Or is it a sin for him to sleep with other women while we remain married? I really think he will be better off with a confident more vibrant wife. Or also he will be happier if he can use his manhood to pleasure someone perkier in his prime. I never have energy to do anything. When I bring up my concern to doctor's I am just told that children will do that do you, I have been given prescription anti aging creams.

I assume you're a Christian if you're posting here and watching porn is going to be detrimental to your marriage. He shouldn't do that.

You're falling into the same trap.

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Lol what do you want to know my bra size 😂 I'm 5.6 and normally 150! (170 now due to pregnancy - all baby) Idk what my body fat percentage is because I'm not overweight. Nothing to work on body weight wise though I may get facial injectioms to help. I do lift weights and do yoga, I get 8.5 hours of sleep every night. I wear sunscreen, do all the anti-aging stuff. I think I have undiagnosed health issues that are causing the earlier aging but have seen a bunch of doctors and blood work to no avail.

If all is true and I simply have aged out of my youth, why can't my husband sleep with younger women?

[–]Deep_Strength2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If all is true and I simply have aged out of my youth, why can't my husband sleep with younger women?

RPC is anti-porn and anti-sleeping with other women you are not married to. We take the same sexual immorality stance as the Bible. God's ideal for marriage, reiterated per Jesus in the gospels, is one man and one woman. Sex outside of marriage, even to single women is adultery not to mention a bad Christian witness to others.

Lol what do you want to know my bra size I'm 5.6 and normally 150! (170 now due to pregnancy - all baby) Idk what my body fat percentage is because I'm not overweight. Nothing to work on body weight wise

I don't know you personally so take this with a grain of salt, but most of the time if a woman is 5'6" the most attractive hour glass figure range (when you're not pregnant) is usually going to be in the 125-140ish range. This gives a more hour glass bust-waist-hip ratio for most. You can see if this if you check your height 5'6" and look at different weights.

https://www.mybodygallery.com/

Depends on how naturally wide your hips and bust is compared to your waist. There's a couple girls who hold 150 well at 5'6", but there's way more down at the 130 range.

Ideally, most men like the .6-.8 waist to hip ratio the most, so that can be a goal to aim for.

though I may get facial injectioms to help. I do lift weights and do yoga, I get 8.5 hours of sleep every night. I wear sunscreen, do all the anti-aging stuff. I think I have undiagnosed health issues that are causing the earlier aging but have seen a bunch of doctors and blood work to no avail.

Facial injections are temporary and probably won't help significantly in the long run as you need to get them done again. This is also a self esteem issue that you need to address.

What lifts do you do and how heavy are they?

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Oh man, I cannot lose anymore weight or I will look anorexic. I have an athletic build, wider frame and wider hips so 145 is the lowest I will ever be. I was 140 once (when I went vegan) and I was told by many (after the fact of course) that I looked sickly. And it's true. Anyways, thank you for the uh breakdown analysis of hip to waste ratio I will look more into and I cannot wait to get back into lifting when I'm not pregnant. I mean I have a full body workout routine for lifting and toning. I rotate weeks by push/pull exercises. And I do HITT as well. I don't know how much I squat but I'd say if I got back into it post partum I could probably do 10 on each side with however much the bar weighs? Before my first baby because I've gone through this process already I was doing like 90 on the squat machine thing. (I don't know what these things are called). Needless to say, I grew up very active, athletic and maintained that.

[–]Praexology6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You got told by other fat women that you looked too skinny because crabs in a bucket can't stand others getting positive attention.

At 5'6 140lbs you are definitely not edging on 'anorexic'.

[–]Fantasiadreamcicle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh man. I cannot stress this enough but I cannot afford to be 140 lbs and I never have been in my life. I have larger hips and broader shoulders. When I'm not pregnant, I don't have weight to lose anywhere! I can send pic for reference if needed.

[–]Deep_Strength0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, if you legitimately have a body that holds weight well in a good waist to hip ratio that is ok. If you have a pic (no face) that could help confirm at least.

Gear the lifting to get the weight up to build muscle in the hips and legs which helps improve waist to hip ratio.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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