26, Trouble with self esteem/self worth

Docbear64 · 2016-05-12T01:34:13+00:00

You're overthinking hard, instead of compiling a list of do's and don'ts and trying to come across as the perfect red pill specimen. I want you to breathe and understand you are going out to dinner with a hopefully cute girl who has some level of attraction to you or she wouldn't want you.

You don't think you deserve to be on this date? Well if you didn't it wouldn't be in motion .

One of the best entries i've ever read on TRP and unfortunately couldn't find was one where it expressed quite simply that you don't matter that much. You are overthinking this date because quite frankly you are making your presence on the date a bigger deal than it is. You aren't that special , let me repeat that you aren't that special and you are going to fuck up something on this date. Maybe you'll spill water on her, you'll probably say a joke that falls flat, and at some point you will say something you regret and feel you can word better ...and you know the best part about this? You still can have a good date . Put your ego aside YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL this date is just one footnote in your life so take a deep breath and make sure you give yourself enough time to massage any insecurities immediately beforehand.

Have fun and remember no matter how bad you fuck up it has to be better than spending the same period of time alone or doing something else right?

0_fox_are_given · 2016-05-12T02:53:28+00:00

Hey man, it sounds like you're pretty nervous for this date, which is normal. As well as the pressures of living up to yours and her standards, you now have the added pressure that knowing about 'game' puts on you.

For your own sanity, forget it all. You only 'know' the stuff on a theory level, internalising it is a whole nother learning experience. And that's all this date is, a learning experience.

Push it to the bitter end, try get to first base, a lay, etc., try your best to connect. If things don't work out, it's onto the next one.

I'm 25, and from my experience, we tend to pedistalize girls unconsciously. In reality she is probably more nervous than you, and wants to hook up with you, not judge you.

Who knows, she may even have some random birth mark on her ass that makes her self conciousness as fuck, that you don't even know about.

Relax bro.

Mudpielol · 2016-05-12T08:32:10+00:00

Don't cancel it. Have 1 glass of red wine to help you relax.

Don't chicken out, go and see what happens. Even if nothing sexual comes of it you will learn valuable things. Trust me, I've been there.

What usually helps me is in my mind I set no expectations aka outcome independence.

ronsoness · 2016-05-12T08:56:52+00:00

well, mindset is important. you can't build SE SW overnight. it's a gradual process. and it's also based on doing, which you are worried about.

one of two things will happen once you're out there. you'll either turn on the engine and see your charm manifest. or you'll flounder and have your doubt overtake you.

it really sounds like you haven't dated in a while, so i say, don't go in thinking this is some make-or-break event like /u/Mudpielol said. it's hanging out with some chick. don't psyche yourself out thinking 'this is a date'. it's just a casual social event. but above all else, it's needed experience.

social skills is a skill, and you can only get better by practicing. this girl invited you, so that means SHE wants the D, probably. either way, it's good experience for you. given that you're not so experienced in dating, you might want to consider planning just a bit. think about places to go, things to talk about, bars to visit, activities to do and most importantly, having an excuse in case things are terrible and you need to bail. in the future once you get more dating experience, you will be more confident and smooth. but for now, accept that things might be rough.

p.s. was the escort hot? was the sex good or was she just going through the motions and trying to get it over quick?

[deleted] · 2016-05-12T14:58:56+00:00

Hey OP,

You sound alot like me. My SMV is decent but for various reasons Im very bipolar with confidence.

Here's a tip: don't over think it. Use the mental muscles you build during meditation to clear your mind. You are spending too much time thinking about this because to you it is rare - and that's a natural way to feel, but you need to control yourself.

Try to view this date only as practice. It is just one in a long string of opportunities coming your way to get some field experience and grow stronger. Viewed this way, you win JUST BY SHOWING UP. You win because you are there and learning. Whether you are smooth as fuck or awkward as hell, it's a learning experience and you win.

Don't think of sex as the goal. That is making her the prize, putting pussy on the pedestal. Your goal isn't pussy, it's power. Your goal is not to get laid, it is to become attractive.

Think long-term and remember that this one date doesn't really mean much at all.

Title	26, Trouble with self esteem/self worth
Author	empatheticapathetic
Upvotes	8
Comments	8
Date	May 12, 2016 1:19 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4iy9v1/26_trouble_with_self_esteemself_worth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/26-trouble-with-self-esteemself-worth.105303 https://theredarchive.com/post/105303