This is me honestly seeking advice on how to improve and where I messed up at. Please give meaningful responses

I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years. 2 of that was LDR.

Now let's call my ex L. Now she was from South America and wanted to marry one man and that was it. (Or at least that's what u thought.) I was cool with this because of my conservative family I also just wanted one woman. Plus she was a 9 imo.

In the beginning she was acting funny though. Flaking, not letting me kiss her etc. So I started talking to a teacher at school who wanted me as a dread game. Eventually she found out and I came clean and told her. I dropped the teacher and my gf snapped into place. Worshipped the ground I walked on. Was there for me and did above and beyond every chance she got. She was a good gf at the time.

Now eventually we took each other's virginity and we were doing well for awhile. There were disputes sometimes but they were small. She usually would cry and get upset if I answered the phone and it was a female friend or something. Fast forward to last summer. We were supposed to move in together.

But I cancelled it. Because we had a huge problem where she crashed her car out of anger/carelessness, money was low, and I wasn't driving atm. This is where the problems really began for her.

Now, this girl wanted my kids, marriage, promise ring, and even a damn dog. All of which I did not give to her. In fact I said I did not want kids. But I was warming up to the idea. During December we had a big fight because she was mad at me for not bringing up children, getting the ring, or talking about moving plans when I gave her a date. I was mad at her because she went to my brother asking why didn't I want to move in with her and got mad when he said I was going to leave last summer. I was upset because don't talk to anyone about our problems except me.

Christmas came and my birthday in Jan. Both were like a dream and everything was damn near perfect. But come late Jan this is where the revelation came. She told me there was someone else she'd been talking to for 2 weeks. I was honestly heartbroken. Because this is a girl who swore she'd never do this, be honest, and always transparent with me as I was with her. I never talked to anyone. Never even looked through her phone.

Now she tells me that she works with him. She just enjoyed his company. Said that he didn't look better, didn't have more money or anything. She said that he listens to her and all they talk about was school and such. And she liked that he drives. Now this is where I messed up because I should've left her for good. But she said she deleted him. And That he's leaving her job I said ok and tried to forgive her. I did in fact talk to a teacher. So I saw this as Karma.

Now we broke up a few weeks later. I was starting to meet women and leave it in the past. But we kept talking, having sex and getting sucked back in. She tells me though that during our short off time her and the guy went on a date. I made the mistake of brushing this off. Because I wanted to keep my promise of marriage with her. I really did love her unconditionally too. Even despite having some options.

Eventually we are doing well. And things seemed normal. We were in talks of moving. I bought her a ring online. Until one morning I woke up in her house. I saw her phone. And got curious and looked for the first time. To my surprise she was texting a guy. Mind you who was an old friend who became a stalker and she cut him off years ago. But here they are texting. Sending pictures and everything. Since earlier in the year. I couldn't find anything sexual. But idgaf I asked her what was this.

She actually got mad at me. Said I betrayed her trust. Told me she never wanted to see me again. And that they were just friends. She doesn't like him and he doesn't like her. I said that's BS us men don't talk to women as friends for no reason. She said it was none of my business because we aren't together. Which killed me because we pretty much were she just wanted to feel justified. I said w.e I won't assume ever again. But anyway she actually kicks me out and I go home mad. I stopped talking to her but we both cracked and started seeing each other again.

We decided to try to rebuild. On the day of our meet up. I got a text from one of the women I was talking to 2 weeks prior. I tried to hide and lie about it. Because I just wanted my gf back. Not this new hoe. She found out eventually and said she was done.

I tried to win her back. Bought her some chocolate. And a note brought it to her house. She didn't even come out she just yelled on the other side leave. I did but when I got home I called her. She was snapping and then said hold on. A minute later a guy answers and says this is her new bf and to fuck off. I told him to enjoy the taste of my kids and ended it there.

Once again we talked about it. She said that was a neighbor and she told him to say that out of spite. Me having bad oneitis still just wanted her back. I legit regret that. Because before I wouldn't care. Fast forward a week later and she's bringing food up to my job and we're planning dates as friends or w.e. Until one day she flaked on me. The next day she ignored me. Then the day after that she told me that she was giving me my wallet I left in her car.

At this time she said she was done. She said she didn't find me attractive anymore. Said I was less of a man. Not that handsome. And tried to say that my dick wasn't even that big. That she could have any man she wanted. And that there are millions. This stung bros. I'm 6"2, skinny, dark skinned, and she was madly in love with me. I've always been complimented on my looks. Even did modeling at one point. She literally couldn't even last long having sex with me and always raved about how big it was. She said I ruined her. I ruined the idea of marriage for her. Etc. She said there is someone else and she does a lot now. I told her that she has a rebound. That it will fail. And that she's lying to herself because I'm gorgeous.

I got the wallet. We argued. I tried to win her back outta pride. But she was gone. So I deleted her numbers and social media. Then sent a final email saying thank u and goodbye. I wished her well and said I hope you have a positive life. 5 YEARS GONE.

I will say that despite all our problems I loved her. She used to visit me in the hospital. Bake cakes. But games. And suck my dick on command. It's just I was hurt because she didn't live up to the hype. And went against her own values. Like a new person. Before she was submissive, nice, honest, and my best friend. I truly wanted to marry her. Call me stupid but I was truly the romantic. She just jumped to a new branch. I see AWALT and she taught me first hand.

She told me that she crashed her car with her and her rebound. That he won't even talk to her lol

So my questions to you wonderful brothers who read me novel

Did I ruin her? I know the teacher thing was hard for her to accept. Was I too Blind? She said if we actually moved in last year we'd have been set and not have these problems. Could this be true? Was I good enough? I live on my own, work, and highly ambitious. The only thing I lacked was a car. Which I got. What do you guys think I should improve on? What were my glaring mistakes? Should I stop beating myself up?

Thank u for reading. Thank you for answering. I appreciate you all.