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Alienated everyone in my life

September 5, 2017
3 upvotes

I've finally gotten the chance to start my life. Living and working on my own in a new city. Working on myself and my boundaries and self esteem. Have a long history of low self esteem.

Recently pretty much all my old friends and family have had a fight or disagreement with me about something and we've ended up cutting ties. Nearly everyone in my life pretty much.

I've been described as "rigid and uncompromising", "selfish", "stupid", "arrogant" and some have silently cut me off via proxy to hold allegiance to friends who are logistically going to offer them more than I can. I'm none of those things but still think my boundaries are lax as fuck. The family I have left are still shaming me to be more of a doormat like I used to be or covertly threaten to cut contact. I'm not scared but sad.

How normal is this. Is this something I should be overcoming through game/charm? I haven't made any friends in my new city yet and it's been 6 months now but I haven't really had a strong chance yet due to work and other commitments. I have work friends but that's it. I don't really get on with fake people and it's just a struggle to meet up with people I know unless there's strong plans going on as the friendships aren't that strong and everyone is busy.

Is going completely solo a common experience? Any advice on breaking through this? Cheers

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Post Information
Title Alienated everyone in my life
Author empatheticapathetic
Upvotes 3
Comments 12
Date September 5, 2017 4:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/alienated-everyone-in-my-life.113766
https://theredarchive.com/post/113766
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6y96k7/alienated_everyone_in_my_life/
Red Pill terms in post
Comments

[–]11NV0K3R6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Find a hobby you truly enjoy and mingle with those people.

I'm in the same boat. I couldn't give three fucks about 99% of people. But there is the 1% that really share my ideals and those people I will devote my time to, as they have done the same for me in the past and will so in the future.

Never be a doormat, but always have perspective.

[–]empatheticapathetic[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. Any hobby ideas in particular? Something I've been struggling with for a while. Used to be a musician and played in a bunch of bands but slowly been trying to get out of that world for 5 years now. In a completely new place and don't want to pull the musician card at all now it's all everyone keeps telling me to do.

I go to yoga class but it's a very unsociable atmosphere, and 99% chicks. They don't really appreciate me being there haha. Just looking for any suggestions really. Cheers

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Try powerlifting/Olympic lifting/crossfit

[–]empatheticapathetic[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I lift currently but keeping it low investment as I am trying to work through a bunch of injuries. Hence the yoga actually. I may get into crossfit though once I make some headway. Cheers

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Understandable! Good luck on getting your body fixed up

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I've been described as "rigid and uncompromising", "selfish", "stupid", "arrogant" and some have silently cut me off via proxy to hold allegiance to friends who are logistically going to offer them more than I can

Right.

Fuck 'em.

. I'm none of those things but still think my boundaries are lax as fuck.

Yeah, quite likely it's the opposite of what you're told. If you have lose boundaries, then people think they can exploit you, and when you refuse they say you're too rigid.

The family I have left are still shaming me to be more of a doormat like I used to be or covertly threaten to cut contact. I'm not scared but sad.

Maintain contact, don't compromise, don't make ultimatums. Primarily live your life, see them on your terms.

How normal is this.

Fairly.

Is this something I should be overcoming through game/charm?

Kinda. It's all a compromise between social skills, what you give, and what you get. Only you can make these choices, and it varies with time.

Take it gently though. Don't ditch people too quickly. Aim to cycle through getting better friends. Family you just gotta sort of have an uneasy alliance with. Don't expect perfection.

I haven't made any friends in my new city yet and it's been 6 months now but I haven't really had a strong chance yet due to work and other commitments. I have work friends but that's it.

Normal. Fixable.

I don't really get on with fake people and it's just a struggle to meet up with people I know unless there's strong plans going on as the friendships aren't that strong and everyone is busy.

Learn to connect better with fake people. It's to your benefit.

Is going completely solo a common experience? Any advice on breaking through this? Cheers

Many men end up very socially isolated for all the reasons you list. This doesn't have to be you.

[–]empatheticapathetic[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks a lot man, appreciate it. Any tips on talking to fake people, a big weak spot of my game generally, men and women. I can't trust them because they're fake and my instincts just say "fuck this person" because I always tend to get burned.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can't trust them because they're fake and my instincts just say "fuck this person" because I always tend to get burned.

Ok, here's a plan: try to understand where they're coming from. I'm not saying trust them... but try to understand how they work, what they want, how to get the best from them.

This makes your relations with other humans (even the genuine ones) go smoother if you can do it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I dumped my ex and she aligned all my friends against me. I went to thailand alone for two weeks. I never really felt alone. Go out to bars in the early evening and just start talking to people. Find a place that has a pool table. If you have your own place leverage the fuck out of it and bring some chick(s) back.

[–]kranos330 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I dumped my ex and she aligned all my friends against me.

How in the fuck does that even happen? Your friends are yours, if she can do this then they are not your friends.

I bet you are the guy that brings his gf. with everything they do socially. I don't think it is a smart thing to do.

I have learned that it is better to keep your romantic partners and your friends at a arms length distance. If there are breakups, it doesn't fall out to your social circle.

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not only that but men and women can't be friends anyway. If she's fucking you, what is she to them? They're not gonna magically shut down their sexual interest in her. If a girl you're seeing is trying to be buddy buddy with your friends, cut the bitch off because she's no good.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yep, they weren't really my friends.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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