Anyone else notice it's the losers within your circle who hate seeing you succeed? I.e. crab bucket mentality

April 8, 2019

Bit of background: Most of my social circle is guys ive known since high school (age 12-13) or earlier. Until about 17 i was extremely shy, skinny, no confidence, couldn't even speak to girls, etc. I've been steadily improving for 5-6 years (we're now all 21-24) and am now in a very good place. Good degree, well paying job, true confidence in myself (not cockyness), genuine top 10% physique, n-count of 20+, hot girlfriend, etc. (This isn't a humble brag, there'll be people reading this who've achieved far more than me. Just providing context).

I've recently fallen out with 3 guys in the circle for (separate) incidents in which im sure any reasonable person would agree involved them being assholes (won't bore you with the details). I wasn't overly surprised as these guys have questionable characters and ive clashed minorly with them in the past. What they have in common is they're not exactly succeeding in life since we left school. They're either unemployed or working very low skilled jobs, overweight, no higher education, bad looking, no success with women, etc. They are also without question the most dishonest, selfish guys in the social circle.

Oppositely, the guys who I've grown closer with over the years are the guys who are doing well for themselves and seeing success and improvement in life. They are happy for me and I'm happy for them and want to see them do well.

I truly believe the guys I've fallen out with are jealous of my succes (especially considering they were more popular than me in high school, maybe my success highlights their failure to improve) and this has lead to their resentment of me.

I've read a lot on here about the crab bucket mentality (basically, people don't want you to improve yourself as it reminds them of their own failures. Has anyone else noticed the trend of it being unsuccessful, jealous friends who tend to turn on you when you succeed? Just looking for experiences and discussion.

Tl;dr: Improved myself significantly in virtually every way since high school. Friends who have failed to do so themselves show resentment and are arseholes towards me. Oppositely, successful friends are happy for me, and me for them. Is this common on the road of self improvement?

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Title Anyone else notice it's the losers within your circle who hate seeing you succeed? I.e. crab bucket mentality
Author 84throwaway21
Upvotes 65
Comments 45
Date April 8, 2019 4:52 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
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[–]truthbomb99926 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Greg Plitt said it best:

“The road to success is a very lonely road. You’re not gonna see too many friends. It’s only you with your shadow. Once you get there, many people will love you, also many people will hate you. Because your success is a huge spotlight, shining on their failures.” – Greg Plitt

[–]INNASKILLZ2K187 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]redhawkes35 points36 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You’re the company you keep. Avoid being seen with low SMV people, it lowers your value too.

And to answer your question, yes it’s pretty common. Remove the crabs from your life.

No matter what you do/success, they’re gonna protect their ego by resenting you.

[–]Pokeylaw7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What do you categories as low smv and why would you cut someone off for it?

[–]redhawkes2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They’ll drag you down to feel better.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No matter what you do/success, they’re gonna protect their ego by resenting you.

I’ve fallen out with a few guys since I’ve been Red Pill aware and have been improving myself. Past me would have taken them back so to speak after falling out. But now it’s been a few months I can see how counterproductive they were to my life.

[–]ChadTheWaiter1002 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is true. I’m friends with this 5’3, 300lb 50 year old black guy and on top of that he’s super low IQ. I’d say hanging around him does lower my smv during the times that I’m around him yea.

[–]CainPrice25 points26 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

It's ego investment. Happens all over.

"So what if you're in shape now? I have other hobbies in life besides being a muscle-bound meathead!"

"So what if you're making good money now? I'm not a workaholic like you!"

"So what if you're getting laid now? I don't even want to have casual sex with worthless sluts like you do! I don't obsess over pussy!"

Whatever you succeed at, the fact that you're better than another guy in some way won't matter to them - they will declare that the way you're better doesn't matter, and in fact, is somehow a flaw of yours and that real men wouldn't obsess over succeeding in the ways you have.

[–]reddit309 1 points [recovered]  (15 children) | Copy Link

I don't obsess over pussy!"

this one is great lol.

i love hearing the guys over at mgtow say stuff like this. one of them literally fucking said why would anyone want to fuck a woman because they nag. he got like 15 upvotes for that. or they say wanting sex makes you a simp. and that by playing video games all day they arent simping lol.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

You do realise you can live a happy life without pussy. I'm not defending anyone but all you need is self discipline. Most people don't even reach their goals in life because they are so invested in chasing pussy and are slaves to sex. some of the stuff on TRP is great and knowledgeable. But some of the shit I see is just pure thirst and stupidity.

How I see it is live your life on your own terms, fuck what everyone else is doing.

Nothing fucking matters anyway lol.

[–]CainPrice7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

This "live life on your own terms" bullshit needs to die. It's just losers protecting their ego.

About 10% of the MGTOW crowd are badass accomplished men who are living life on their own terms. These are guys who can get their sexual needs met by women, but are -choosing- to spend most of their time doing other things (though still fucking a girl when they have sexual needs).

The other 90% are ego-protecting themselves. They can't have their sexual needs met by women. Even if they poured every waking minute and every ounce of energy and effort they had into getting laid, they -still- couldn't have their sexual needs met by women.

They're not choosing to not pursue pussy. That choice was made for them. Women, who are in a position of power over them, limited the choices that they have. They were stuck choosing from among the choices they had left after women denied them the best choice.

And among the choices they have left, they chose ego-protection. They chose to pretend that they don't want to have their sexual needs met by women anyway because women are sooooo unattractive due to their true nature, and not being able to have your sexual needs met by women isn't what makes you a man anyway, and they're sooooo awesome because they're living life on their own terms.

Nope. They're losers using the MGTOW movement to hide behind and protect their ego.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Believe what you want to believe my man. It must really fucking suck to be a slave to a wet hole though, I've never understood why people are so thirsty lmao, it's so embarrasing and I generally feel somewhat sorry for them.

Anyways I hope you've a good rest of the week G

[–]CainPrice7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

The top 10% of the MGTOW movement don't talk the way you talk. Because they've experienced what it's like to be in a position of power over women, instead of the other way around.

When a woman wants to have casual sex with you, and isn't trying to con you into marriage, a relationship, or get money or favors out of you - she literally just thinks you're hot, fun, and she wants the dick, there's no being "a slave to a wet hole" involved. There's no investment. You're literally sending a text message and hanging out at a bar you like anyway having a drink, then going home for sex.

When women are actually willing to have causal sex with you and you have the choice whether or not to go fuck someone tonight (versus women having already chosen for you), it's just a matter of deciding what you feel like doing tonight. If you're backed up at work, you work late. If you feel like a drink, you have a drink. If you're horny, you have sex. No slavery involved.

Guys who keep ranting about how terrible women are and how terrible their natures are and how anybody who has sex with women is a thirsty slave don't understand, because they've never been in a position of power over women. They've never had the choice to go their own way. Only the choice to pretend after women made the decision for them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link


[–]CainPrice0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Just think about it.

I'm trying to help you incel/MGTOWs, but you're all so damn stubborn.

You've never had the choice, so you have no idea what you're choosing not to do. Some guy on the internet tells you women are a certain way and not worth your effort, and you can't get laid anyway, so you figure why not believe he's right.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You're so childish man lol.

[–]Atheist_Utopia1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Take his advice man.

[–]reddit309 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

Most people don't even reach their goals in life because they are so invested in chasing pussy and are slaves to sex.


i absolutely agree that people HERE spend too much time "gaming" women. if you are attractive and high value you dont need game period. as long as you arent a simp but even then if you are high SMV women will flock to you. as long as you are confident, which you will be as a high value guy, you will get the girl. all these tactics like game and withholding affection and dread are nothing more than manipulations and abuse and it really doesnt make any sense to me.

women literally tell guys that they want a confident guy with social skills. red pill teaches you that women want a guy with "game" and "frame". like thats literally what women say they want. its complete nonsense. they dont give a shit about your game and confidence if you have nothing to back it up with.

no truly high value guy would ever end up on these subreddits. no truly high value attractive guy would spend time going out trying to pick up women. that isnt the red pill and too many guys here get it wrong.

chasing EXCELLENCE gets you girls, yet so many guys here ARE chasing girls. my philosophy goes by what richard cooper says "chase excellence and women will chase you". its really that simple. game is for low value guys period. people here have even said that as their smv improved women literally stopped shit testing them. like at all. because they WANTED him.

so i agree lots of people here chase pussy and its a waste of time. however MGTOW is even worse. " Nothing fucking matters anyway lol. " is nothing more than a copout. no attractive man would ever go mgtow because women want to be with him. literally every guy over at mgtow says you shouldnt have sex with women because women nag. its indescribably nonsensical. if a woman wants to be with you, she will climb over mountains to make it happen. she wont nag you when you fuck her. shell do literally ANYTHING to keep you. "nothing matters" is just an excuse to spend too much time playing video games and watching vr porn instead of improving yourself. yeah nothing does matter. but that would be a waste of a life.

the solution is to chase excellence and women will chase you. they wont waste your time if you are the best version of yourself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

There isn't a source, it is purely based on observations. I agree with some of the stuff you said though.

Have a good day.

[–]MetalstepTNG0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck, this is underrated.

[–]rad_dynamic6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Every single human does this, especially in their late teens and early 20s. If people didn't do this they would feel worthless and probably commit suicide or at least depression. Everyone has an ego and this is the job of the ego.

It is only a problem when you become blind to all your flaws, and you stop improving. If you are fat, don't have a job, don't get pussy yet still your ego is telling you that you're better than everyone else, you are letting your ego waste your life.

You need to get to a point where you can be larger than your ego, stand back and assess from a logical point. Take a look at your life and be brutally honest with yourself. It only takes about 5 minutes to have a honest conversation with yourself, it can be done right now by putting your phone down and force yourself to think about the things you are running from.

The reason video games, TV, Netflix, literally any other vice, is so popular is because people are running away from their problems. They are scared to face their problems so they occupy their mind with other things to keep their mind busy.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My favourite is when people automatically assume fit people are stupid or dumb. People will say anything to make themselves feel better. It’s apart of the game.

[–]CainPrice5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That one pisses me off, too.

No, dumbass. That guy who has the discipline to work out 6 days a week and is a social dynamo that girls at bars love to go home with -also- has an easy time getting clients and customers and promotions and has a good job. And he majored in engineering, too. He just happens to work as a manager instead of a cubicle jockey.

Looking hot and having social skills gets you farther in the professional world than being nerdy.

[–]INNASKILLZ2K183 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, but girls want to go home with them. Damn, must be a loser. 😂

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I really don’t get that one. A lot of CEOs are fit for their age and look good for the most part. Look at Jeff Bezos now - he is jacked and probably one of the best businessmen in the world right now.

[–]ChadTheWaiter1000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is so true cane. Honestly, I used to be a jealous bastard like what you described.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It could be that they secretly despise you somehow

[–]84throwaway21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not really secret. They've shown their resentment clearly, and ive given it right back to them (albeit from a less angry, immature place).

[–]throwaway199913123 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I completely understand. When I started boxing I got the same shit but I never got annoyed. Its hard to get irritated when someones slagging you for becoming a better version of you. Honestly taking the first step is one of the best decisions Ive ever made.

[–]rad_dynamic5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

One thing that made me laugh is when one of my friends got pissed at me and wanted to organise a proper boxing match(he hasn't boxed before) and when I told him I've been sparring with people for the past 6 months, he called me a pussy for having to practice.

[–]throwaway199913120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its not worth it. Most people have an ego about their ability to fight and the simple fact is most people cant fight. Tell him to come to your club so you can spar him then he will understand.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Has anyone else noticed the trend of it being unsuccessful, jealous friends who tend to turn on you when you succeed?

Merely friends? Try an entire town!

[–]Redpillx940 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

In the exact same position!

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You were illegally doxxed as well and now every beta in your town has lost their collective shit over you eating upvotes in TRP for breakfast?

[–]Redpillx940 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Let’s just say the whole town hates me for becoming red pill... I think they want there nice guy back 🤷🏽‍♂️

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah see my town thinks "You're ugly, so you should just roll over and take the multiple felonies, gross violation of constitutional rights and civil liberties without complaining."

[–]Dane502 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m a successful middle aged man. Peer envy only gets worse. It’s like a disease among some professionals.

The more successful you are the worse it gets. When you are at my age and level most of your social activities are with people who want something from you. Hang on to what true friends you have from this period in your life. Rid your self of anyone consistently negative or envious.

[–]disgruntledsailor72 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep. I've surpassed my parents financially, and I'm humble about it.

My father knows and has told me in a pained voice how proud he is, etc. Then proceeds to take subtle potshots saying I didn't earn it, I had it easy, or that it won't play out this way in the future.

Sad to hear it coming from my own dad, but it gives me solace that I know everything I've done was due to my own actions, and moving forward I can rely on myself.

[–]RedBloodHunter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm pretty fortunate in that my closest high school friends are all pretty like (and open) minded. All of us are constantly striving to improve ourselves and our situation. I've discussed red pill concepts with them, and while they disagree, they also appreciate some of the information.

Perhaps they aren't as religious as I am when it comes to diet, exercise, etc. but they do support me in a sort of brotherly fashion, I've never felt like they're trying to pull me down.

Conversely, another high school friend I had from a separate circle (he was in with the jocks, my current circle were all geeks/nerds) has continued to improve himself after high school, but the jock circle of friends he's had all got fat with mundane jobs. We weren't particularly close during high school (there was even some animosity there - high school bullshit), but a few years back he reached out to me randomly and we've developed a good friendship out of it. He's admitted that he prefers hanging out with me, as we share similar values and are like minded, whereas he feels like his old high school friends resent him for succeeding.

I certainly never anticipated that we'd be friends when I was in high school, but I'm not complaining, he's a good bloke and has good game.

So yeah, it's a pretty common thing for unsuccessful people to try and shame their successful 'friends' back down to their level.

[–]thrwy754791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, there are people that hate seeing you succeed. At the same time, I'm not entirely convinced that people close to you actually want to see you fail. They might even get what they want but are almost guaranteed to feel horrible afterwards, if they're normal people, that is.

It's a human thing to want social connection, and when people are invested in you, they don't want to lose you, and it's this desire that can make them try to put you down, or sabotage you. It's natural to sometimes be jealous or envious. We all do it.

Is it still harmful to be around them? Perhaps, but depending on the severity of the case, if it's someone that you're close to, it may be worthwhile to at least have a talk with them about it rather than making snap decisions and crucifying someone for simply being human.

[–]INNASKILLZ2K180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

'See when you're shining, some chumps'll wanna dull ya Always selfish jealous punks will wanna pull ya Down, just like some shellfish in a bucket 'Cause they love it to see your ass squirm like a worm But just as you'll receive what is coming to you Everybody else is gonna get theirs too'

-Guru/Gang Starr - 'Moment Of Truth'

Always the way, cuz motherfuckers know they're failing and it's easier to see others fail too.

Be damn thankful you're moving up. It's a great feeling. Cut them off.

[–]UnderneathTheGun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not only common on the road of self improvement, it's common on the read of life!

[–]BurnoutRS0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most people fail to understand the fluidity of being. Your personality, who you are, is made up of fixed and moveable traits.

If you meet someone, become friends and you both stay exactly the same, you'll likely remain friends. People dont understand change, especially when its not happening to them, and even more so when they arent driving it. From your perspective its "im working hard. making incremental improvement" and from your friends perspective its "Whoa whats up with my buddy? Hes not the same guy all of a sudden."

[–]MattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oppositely, successful friends are happy for me, and me for them. Is this common on the road of self improvement?

Totally normal

Be awesome and other awesome people will be attracted to you. Filter out the losers quickly.

[–]Psychological_Radish0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My mom taught me early on that friends come and go. Once you're removed from the college setting, you realize within a few years that many of your school friendships have grown stale. The only things you really had in common were living quarters and classes.

At 25, it is glaringly obvious that I don't fit in with my old social circle. They have all settled into boring 9-5 jobs, don't lift, don't have many hobbies or ambition. Everyone is either in an LTR or trying to find a LTR. I cringe when I watch how my friends behave around their girlfriends. I used to have female friends, but now I have a hard time relating to girls outside a sexual context.

There is going to be some initial loneliness, OP, but letting people go mentally prepares you to make new friends. Last year I entered a new living situation with several new roommates. One of them is a guy around my age who is a jacked lifter, highly ambitious in his career, and just generally a lot of fun to be with. Meeting him was a gamechanger. This guy is a much better fit for me as a friend at this stage of my life. Still, I was lucky to have ran into him; I need to do a better job of putting myself out there. That's one of my top priorities this year.

If there's anything I've learned about friendship, it is that you should have more Alpha friends. Other men and women will view you as more successful and attractive because Alphas usually hang out with other Alphas

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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