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Are "traditional values" worth anything anymore? Can you be Alpha with those values?

September 11, 2017
0 upvotes

I was raised in a very conservative, traditional environment. There were definitely a lot of negatives to this -- I grew up with a lot of toxic feelings about sexuality and as a result I think the "anger phase" of swallowing the pill has been particularly intense. Growing up in an environment like that definitely fostered a "nice guy" mentality, too.

That said, my father has always been very Alpha in his relationship with my mother, and just about everyone else I've seen him interact with. Alpha in an old school way like Cary Grant was Alpha. Total gentlemen, very clean and decent and respectful, but not at all a pushover and able to command respect from others.

Is this "model" of Alpha still relevant in 2017? Maybe I'm just too accustomed to the club scene and the types of guys/girls that are there and I'm ignorant to this style of man. I'm tired of that scene and I don't think it suits my personality that well either.

Thoughts?

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Post Information
Title Are "traditional values" worth anything anymore? Can you be Alpha with those values?
Author dontbedenied
Upvotes 0
Comments 4
Date September 11, 2017 7:53 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/are-traditional-values-worth-anything-anymore-can.114170
https://theredarchive.com/post/114170
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6zhuc6/are_traditional_values_worth_anything_anymore_can/
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Comments

[–]quicklogaccount1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You're talking a lot more about style than values.
On anger phase we get a strong impression that women are shit and to be able to pick the up we have to act like shit as well. It's important to grow over that, aggressive and confident aren't the same thing, aloof and disrespectful also aren't.
You can be aloof and confident with whatever style you think it fits you. Even as a nice guy.
The bad side for the "nice guys" is that they're raised to believe women are delicate and mysterious and and sex is mystical and dangerous. So they're insecure, which is as unattractive as it gets for any chick that isn't damaged and/or very inexperienced, and when it comes to the inexperienced ones, their anxiety makes them insecure as fuck.

Now, when it comes to values things are different. You're probably ok handling people that uphold the same thinking but you should get used to assume they don't and play it by the mainstream or be strong enough to hard next (people, not just chicks) when they fail you.

Anyway, while you CAN have whatever style you want, that style seems to be dying. I've met very few of those folks and they ALL can walk well either other environments, clubs too. They're ALL rich.

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, this is a really helpful response. In this anger phase I'm going through, I have been getting the feeling that I need to act like a stereotypical "asshole" and treat women poorly in order to get sex and respect (as opposed to being confident and assertive).

I was definitely raised with the idea that women are delicate and mysterious and sex is mystical and dangerous..and sure enough, I have usually been insecure and attracted damaged women. (As an aside, why do you think damaged women are attracted to insecure "nice guys"?)

And yeah...I'm done trying to make an LTR work with women who don't share my values. I guess I've always assumed that since my LTRs basically came onto me and initiated the relationship, they were down to come around to my values as well, which definitely has not happened.

[–]quicklogaccount0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

As an aside, why do you think damaged women are attracted to insecure "nice guys"?

Damaged chicks are insecure about something (often being dumped/abandoned). When they see insecure men they understand that these men will NEED them the same way they'll need these men, and this relationship is appealing to them, they believe it'll form a stronger bond.

Man, as long as you're confident and escalate instead of being all anxious and second guessing yourself around the chick you're cool. You'll still convey a sexual frame and you both will have a good time.
When it comes to being an asshole, unfortunately you'll come to learn that you don't have to try to be one, it happens. The chick bonds and suddenly your disinterest means you're an asshole to her. A good way (not fail safe though) to prevent it keeping yourself away from the insecure chicks you currently attract. They're delicate, bond because you're decent and get hurt easy.

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damaged chicks are insecure about something (often being dumped/abandoned). When they see insecure men they understand that these men will NEED them the same way they'll need these men, and this relationship is appealing to them, they believe it'll form a stronger bond.

That explains a lot about why my Ex went crazy when I dumped her, even though she'd lost sexual attraction to me. I guess one of the reasons she "picked me" and stayed with me was because she knew I would need her so much, and that she in all likelihood would be ending the relationship. She was used to being dumped (or pumped and dumped), and wanted to flip the script for once. So when I dumped her, all her assumptions and plans went out the window. I had broken the script, and that was not OK with her.

When it comes to being an asshole, unfortunately you'll come to learn that you don't have to try to be one, it happens. The chick bonds and suddenly your disinterest means you're an asshole to her.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. It's happened to me with several girls. It's funny how I can somehow epitomize both the nice guy and the asshole.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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