~ archived since 2018 ~

Are you guys lonely?

January 11, 2020

I'm not sure if I am. I'm 31. Throughout my 20s I was very popular and had lots of friends. Towards the ends of my 20s I got a management position in another country. It's a small team, but I like my job a lot and I like living here. I've been learning the local language well but nowhere near operational in conversation yet. I have no problem finding women, but I have basically zero friends. I work a lot, go to the gym, and on my off days I don't really know what to do with myself.

This is just part of getting older, I always knew I'd have fewer friends but now I literally have zero. At work I'm the boss, at the gym I just work out and don't speak the local language well enough. Classes aren't in English. But still I feel there's something more I should be doing. As it stands I get all my social interaction by gaming women or fake social interactions by listening to my favourite podcasts and posting on Reddit. I was raised in a small village far from my school by a single mother and I was an only child. I am very used to being by myself and have a very high tolerance before I feel lonely. Yet I feel it creeping in.

Edit: thanks for all the comments. I probably won't reply to many but it's good reading. This is a very positive and helpful sub, thanks everyone

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Post Information
Title Are you guys lonely?
Upvotes 150
Comments 100
Date January 11, 2020 10:11 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/are-you-guys-lonely.305493
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/en5qt6/are_you_guys_lonely/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]1rugged7944 points45 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Any options to find more people in your area that speak your primary language? Are you in a small town or big city?

[–]Psychological_Radish19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hard to believe that OP can't find a community of his own people in one of the most populous countries on the planet, unless he's in some backwater city. In some ways it's easier to make friends abroad because you're all in the same situation.

Find other expats or find a new job. There's a reason most people don't last long in non-English speaking countries.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]HoedownInBrownTown6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have found the same. I mont see my best friends for months at a time, but when I do it's like they never left. Definitely something to appreciate while you can.

[–]lestrenched31 points32 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

What you need is a hobby. Friends are good, but this stage comes in everybody's life at some point of time. You need something to absorb you completely, so much so that you lose track of time. When you do, the craving for friends takes a backseat.

But again, I've always been a loner, so you can take that with a bit of salt. It's my personal experience though

[–]mostbased3 points4 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

This feels like good advice, but any suggestions?

[–]Enlightened_Chimp6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]br0kencircuit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a guy who wasn’t really into sports growing up, highly recommend this. Easy to get sucked into and regular fights always give you something to do if you’re empty handed.

[–]lestrenched0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Suggestions? What do you mean? Sorry, I don't understand

[–]mostbased2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Taking working out/gym out of the equation, what other hobbies do you find takes both your interest and your time? In this situation as well.

[–]lestrenched1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I personally like programming and Linux. I'm new to both, have just installed KDE neon on my PC(Originally Windows 10). This takes up a lot of my time. I'm constantly thinking about how to make it faster, how to try out new distros(Arch). As for programming, I'm planning to make a website with Python(Flask), so yeah, lot's of googling there too. I hardly have time to look anywhere else, cooped up on my PC all day(haven't been out of the house for a week now).

It differs from person to person. I used to like working out, but now it's more of just keeping myself fit than actually getting addicted to it. Also, hobbies change. You have to accommodate these changes, and voilà! You're good

[–]mostbased0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I work in info sec so that’s part of my existing problem. I work 60+ hours and workout and that’s it. I did buy a road bike but it’s not the right season so I’m a bit lost when I have time to myself lately. If I could find ways to get out of my house and meet more people it would change things for me, or so I think. Appreciate the post and suggestions, welcome more of them...

[–]RamenKing_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe try learning an instrument, after the first few months it becomes very theraputic. I remember when I was working 60 hours a week I was still able to make time for music.

[–]lestrenched0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Meaning it's 10+ hours a day. Each and every day.

It seems you have dedicated yourself to a job which you don't like. Unfortunately, there is no easy trick other than changing your job or pulling a few levers at work. After having worked 9 hours a day myself (travelling took another 4 hours total), I had just about time to take a good nap. Couldn't even get that sometimes, work demands more from people who are willing to give.

However, your Sundays are free. While I understand that you want to sleep all day (I guess, that's what I used to do), it's wasting your time. If time permits, learn a language or an important skill. I say language because that might open big and heavy doors for you, with much less work pressure. European countries seem to have a good work life balance.

You have a road bike, and want to meet people. Realistically speaking, unless you do everything on a Sunday and still stay fresh for a week, it's not viable.

[–]mostbased1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So, I agree with everything you’re saying except I do really like my job, and it pays very well. It’s kind of bittersweet, in that I make great money but I don’t often have time to spend it, and when I do have time I don’t really know what to do. I’m not expecting any silver bullets here but I do want to make some changes.

[–]lestrenched0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I do really like my job

I'm so sorry, I thought otherwise.

Yes, you're right. Changes are required. Then again, can you find another job that pays in equivalent but you have more time to yourself? I guess a language could do the trick

[–]QuitVGsForever1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Making music

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

age & occupation?

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's quite typical for living abroad. You really need to learn the local language ASAP. Just immerse yourself completely in it, do not switch over to your main language, also try not to translate in your head to your main language. Thinking in the local language also helps. I'm sure the rest will figure itself out. Nog easy living abroad but I did come out better at the end.

[–]the_Milkweed5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're asking an entire subreddit of men who are sick fo society if they're lonely? I thought it was a given.

[–]Appex120 points21 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm 21, and I practically have zero friends. Might have something to do with not being a part of a community like an university for a long time and the friendships I had are all dead by now. I think you should learn to enjoy your own company or maybe go to the local bar once in a while.

[–]merunas10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Bro I was just like you for years. This week I met like 20 different people some of them I consider my friends. The trick is to go to meetups and events. Use whatsapp groups online and actively participate.

Plus I met a bunch of amazing girls that want to fuck me.

[–]Itshighnoon7775 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Wdym by meetups? And what kind of events?

[–]SheddingMyDadBod3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Meetup is a website/app where you can join various groups that schedule meetups in your area. Whether you're into hiking, music, clubbing, business, motorcycle rides, etc, I guarantee you can find a group with similar minded individuals in your age group.

Now although this isn't guaranteed success in making real connections, it's a way to get out there to interact and keep up your social skills.

I've done a few meetups but nothing extended beyond simple acquaintances. Your milage may vary.

[–]4SkinFred1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Those meetups sound odd.

[–]Hungboy69694200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea looked into them and seemed weird. Some women once hit me up on the site through DMs lol

[–]theUnBannableHulk35 points36 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

This is what happens when they outlaw Gentleman’s Men’s only club where you can go to smoke a cigar and meet like minded men.

It’s not just you man, it’s the society around you

[–][deleted]  (17 children) | Copy Link


[–]Hungboy69694202 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea honestly a solid amount of the men I thought could be decent friends ended up being little bitches

[–]PhaedrusHunt13 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

My grandfather was a Mason, member of Rotary Club, etc. He and my grandmother were in the bridge club, active in the community, lots of friends. Lots of activities together, or she with her friends and he with his.

My cousin is a cuck. Not sure if his wife gets fucked in front of him, but she's doing the whole poly thing, and she does get fucked by other guys. He met this bitch in the peace corps. Our grandpa fought in WW2 AND Korea. For what? Here are his four grandsons: eldest is my older cousin. Married a single mom, adopted her son, had three more kids, still together. OK, could ne worse.

I have two kids. Got divorce raped. I basically don't see them. I didn't divorce them, i divorced their mother, but we have a cucked legal system.

Then the next cousin down is the cuck. Youngest grandson is gay. He's cool but honestly, no one wants a gay grandchild or child unless they're fucked in the head. You can accept them but don't act like it's something you're happy about.

[–]theUnBannableHulk4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The two kids you’re not seeing.

I feel ya man, keeping a Father away from his own flesh and blood. Thank our “elite” for this. The day of reckoning will come and soon.

Still, try as much as you can to have SOME presence in their lives until they can be free of their harpy birth-giver.

[–]PhaedrusHunt2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's an exercise everyday in restraint and stoicism to resist the hatred I have for her over this. Everything else I'm indifferent to, but what she's doing to me and the kids-- let me put it like this.

She hates me more than she loves our kids.

I love my kids more than I hate her. And she better be goddamn glad for that even though she doesn't know that that's the current situation, because that's the only reason she's still walking around.

I have self restraint but I understand what makes people snap.

[–]theUnBannableHulk2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Brother even in this AWALT

I read a lot of shit that a “mother’s love is the only true love a woman can have” I’ll call BS on that. You can hate her but guaranteed AWALT she isn’t a special unicorn in her depravity.

Hang in there bro, can’t let pigs biting your ankles break you, you’re a Man, a Man who can weather storms and hurricanes and come out stronger.

When you can work your way around this JUSTIFIED ANGER and still keep your mission in sight (relation with children) you’ll be STRONGER.

Also, teach your sons never to marry or have children with a secular woman or a woman from the secular home. AWALT but conservative religious women are a little less worse in child custody matters, again NOT ALWAYS.

Hang in there.

Your kids will thank you. 👍🏻

[–]PhaedrusHunt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Brother even in this AWALT

I read a lot of shit that a “mother’s love is the only true love a woman can have” I’ll call BS on that. You can hate her but guaranteed AWALT she isn’t a special unicorn in her depravity.

To an extent, but all women are not BPD.

I know plenty of divorced or single moms that might be a pain in the ass but still want their kids to have their dad in their life.

Hell I didn't know what borderline personality was when I got mixed up with that woman. I'd have run otherwise lol

[–]Hungboy69694204 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yea honestly a solid amount of the men I thought could be decent friends ended up being little bitches

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]academicRedditor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s the USA, before postmodernists wreaked it 😓

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

immigrants are naturally rp'ed, seek them out

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link


[–]Itshighnoon7771 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Not all of em man. I know this is only anecdotal but, I've found most of them to be very friendly with whites

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]Itshighnoon7770 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I live in the south

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Flux_70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Uh oh. This sub is “red-pilled”, but not THAT red-pilled.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes. I'm actually a Brit in Indonesia, if only I was born 100 years earlier, I couldn't been a real colonial chap in the gent's clubs haha

[–]moresmarterthanyou0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha that could be your first problem my man. I am a 31 yo with a very similar situation in LA. People are goverened by their own set of motivations and if they like you, its because you are offering them some sort of value. Get a dog and be comfortable going to classes and other things by yourself is the best way to do it.

[–]kyoryo_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In Indonesia most of people here is not accustomed with English. Just find someone from local to hangout, so you can improve your local language. Or Just find a hobby.

[–]alpha_bravado-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Strip clubs

[–]theUnBannableHulk5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Strip clubs I know someone was gonna bring this up but man these places are designed to divorce chodes from their money using damaged and broken sluts.

Also getting blasted by trashy music at 200% volume is NOT any sane Man’s idea of a “Gentlemen’s Club”

I’m talking more men only clubs where you can sit in a nice leather armchair and smoke a cigar and read your shit without having to talk or be bothered by people.

Or sit down to a game of poker with like minded men who aren’t bitch boys.

The James Bond novels had a great example of this kinda place, I believe M, was part of this kinda club. The novels are a great read btw. Full of Red Pill advice and stoicism IIRC one quote from Ian Fleming in the novel was

(Referencing homosexuals and feminists in the 60s) “As a result of 50 years of emancipation, feminine qualities were dying out or being transferred to the males. Pansies of both sexes were everywhere, not yet completely homosexual, but confused not knowing what they were. The result was a herd of unhappy sexual misfits... the women wanting to dominate and the men to be nannied.”

Or something to that effect

[–]alpha_bravado0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can sit and just drink and watch the show, you dont need to buy private dances. In uk anyway

[–]vullnet1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hookah clubs are dope for that imo

[–]porkmissiles3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey not sure if it's been mentioned yet but joining a martial arts club is a good way to meet solid people. Also are you good at any sports? Joining a men's team would be another excellent option.

[–]Fusionnn3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's a difference between being alone and lonely

[–]Hungboy69694202 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea I'd say so. Moved a few years ago to a different part of the country. Still have some friends from back home I keep in contact with and visit when I'm back in town (which is 1-2x a year). Other than that, not really. There are acquaintances at school and work I've had but not really any friends. I find it very difficult to meet quality men (ha I know how gay that sounds). So many of them are beta AF which is okay in short spurts, yet I usually prefer doing things solo.

[–]AnneStaz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pick up disc golf dude

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

just speaking from experience, you won't meet long lasting friends by hanging out at the bar or clubs. get good at something -- get ingrained in a skill (for me it is singing) -- then you will meet your tribe. you'll join a band or a sports team or a computer programming club, whatever. your tribe won't be people who just like picking up women or shooting the shit over a beer, those people come and go. there will be people who share your life passion.

[–]alexinator3604 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey bro, I’m 20 and really only have like 3 friends. I completely rebuilt myself and am still in the process of doing so and I’ve found I only have 3 friends I can have real conversations with. I know tons of people and was going to keggers all the time, and I just realized how surface level a lot of my relationships were. I was friends with people because of our proximity and just knowing them for some time.

I’ve completely turned my life around and I’m on the right track and I’ve also come to this same realization of how lonely I really am. I’m telling you it sucks but at the same time it allows me to pursue my goals a lot more. I’m currently looking for an LTR which I know may not cure my loneliness but one can hope.

[–]mortalcoil11 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

For a lot of guys in their 20's. LTR is practically a dirty word. I'll be 36 in 2 months. I've been living with a very beautiful and submissive woman for a few years now. We will never get married and she understand why. We might eventually raise a kid together.

It's a dirty secret of a lot of older red pill men. Guys start getting more and more territorial and "silverbacky" as they get older. I have no male friends close to me, but I love spending time with my LTR.

[–]Hungboy69694200 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Can you explain a bit more on the last paragraph?

[–]mortalcoil10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What exactly do you need explained? As guys start getting older they tend to get more territorial. Combine that with the likelyhood of having kids or getting married. The natural state of things is men having less guy friends as they get older. I have some old friends, but nobody who lives near me.

I know almost everybody here talks about spinning plates and banging sluts. That was never the kind of person I was, and at almost 36, if I didn't have my LTR of 5 years, I would find myself rather lonely. If you enjoy gaming women then by all means, keep doing it, but if you feel lonely and are seeking companionship, you might think about an LTR.

[–]ValorElite1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Different strokes for different folks. I think as men we need to be able to be content with ourselves and our lives. Once we are happy with being alone with our thoughts, then everything else is a nice cherry on top.

For me, I realized early in my life that I did not want the type of life you are describing. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and focus on each stage of my life. The weddings, the baptisms, family gatherings, meeting old friends, vacations, and everything else are becoming a much more significant part of my life as I get older.

People who choose career/money usually sacrifice family and health on some level. It's important to be financially independent but also make sure you have longevity for your life e.g. what are you going to do when your 50? 65? 80? I can't imagine the boredom of retirement without a family/grand kids. But like I said, you might like that. Every man in this thread needs to decide where he wants to end up in life.

[–]thrwy754791 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I work a lot

Generally, life is a series of a stages:

  • 0-18, education, physical development, childhood friendships
  • 19-35, college/work relationships, self-exploration, identity formation; career, work, adulthood, dating, perhaps marriage/kids
  • 35-55, career, work, wealth building, long-term (and maybe family) focus
  • 55+, perhaps grand-kids, travel, leisure, perhaps retirement, legacy planning

It's not always the case, however, there are certain times to do things that are better than others. For instance, aiming to start a successful business in your 80s may not be the best idea, largely because you won't have the energy that you had when you were in your 20s, or 30s, or 40s.

Typically, you'll physically peak around 35 or so, and then begin to dip as your body begins a slow decline. You can still be healthy, but you're not in your 20s anymore, and you'll become more aware of this. For most people, your dating pool will also shrink with age. Though it is touted that your SMV increases, and men age like wine, you're not immortal, and fit within the physical universe where everything has a half-life.

Further, it becomes difficult to find, and form new relationships with people in your 30s because most people are busy with work, which is where most of your relationships will form, as you're well aware. Relationships take more effort, and planning. The effort can payoff later in life. Most people are also getting hitched, and having kids. They'll spend more time with other couples, while their kids play together.

If you don't have any family, or people looking out for you, your senior years can become downright dangerous. It's not hard to imagine the scenario, simply go to view a tiny old apartment, sit there, and absorb the reality where no one calls you to see how you're doing; other seniors have kids calling, are playing with grand-kids; you don't have any energy to go out and meet people, or partake in any demanding activities. And, you question whether the people you do meet only talk to you out of pity, though you're grateful for the company anyway.

It's happening in Japan. There's also the case of George Bell, one of several thousand, who died alone, and no one noticed until his body was discovered. It's quite sad.

It's not my intent to instill fear, only to broaden your perspective, and provide a glimpse of what is, or was reality for many people. It doesn't have to be your reality. Would getting married, and having kids prevent such scenarios? It's not clear. Not wanting to be lonely is a good concern though. We're social creatures, after all. I would encourage you to join social groups, and partake in social activities.

What is certain, however, is that life is never constant, change is inevitable, and must be faced. Hopefully, you're ahead of it, and embrace it, rather than futilely fight it, since time is undefeated.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

what age bracket are you?

[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Older than I should be, having spent too much time around seniors. You can learn a lot.


[–]xxx69harambe69xxx1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you answered the reason w/ ur response

[–]DatRiggz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Knowledge bombs.

[–]BlackMonkey142 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because you’re at the age where it’s time to reproduce.

[–]Nastynatee2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can empathize greatly w this man. I'm 32. Only child as well, live in a small town/city. I work full time, musician, read alot, journal, meditate, I train like an athlete every fucking day (jiujitsu, crossfit, weightlifting, power lifting. trainer, lol I'm about that life you could say) I'm jacked outta my mind, shredded . Girls stare at me constantly (its humbling knowing where I came from but very powerful too) and i dont have any trouble getting laid. But I only have a handful of good friends bcuz of my disgust for everyone else's lifestyle (people are disgusting. they take take take and give nothing back to this world, selfish). I often feel quite lonely but as soon as I do I start to remind myself that this is partly due to my old blue pill conditioning. Thinking theres something I'm missing from my life. Lol. Everything's fine. I have what I need and nothing more. I'm very comfortable w myself and with being solitary. Dont dwell too much buddy your alright.

[–]violetmonstermunch1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I'm 28. Was destroyed by my last relationship. The woman was a feminist psycho, I was a blue pill beta. It introduced me to TRP. All my friends gave up on me. Since then I've been switching countries regularly with each new job. I shut myself down in my little appartment and don't interact with people. Society disgusts me. Women disgusts me. Men disgusts me. I decided to live by myself appart from other people. Politics of my country disgusts me. Mainstream opinions disgusts me. I just live all by myself separated from the rest. I crave human contact, but I don't want to be in contact with those humans.

[–]volvostupidshit13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Dude you need stoicism and meditation. It looks like your brain is in chaos.

[–]violetmonstermunch2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I'm a mess, I'm an addict

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What sort of addiction?

[–]violetmonstermunch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

porn, sex & internet

[–]Monitorul7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And the best part is no one cares about you or what you do. Get a grip.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I feel for you. I think this process will ease in the future. Just be patient. Meditate on compassion, try to see through other people’s eyes. Stoicism is a must. Read epictetus and marcus, they too are disgusted with how low people act and go about their business in the world but they also see living like this is impossible. You expect too much from people. Lower your expectations and see that everybody has their own reasons of acting badly, justifiable or not. They dont know better, they havent been taught.

[–]RevolutionaryPea70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't have many friends any more and the ones I do have I rarely see. This is mostly my fault because I find it difficult to focus on too many things in my life and at the moment I'm focusing on my career. I lost most of my friends because they are blue pill. I think if your friends haven't taken the red pill they are not really your friends. If anything happens that makes them choose between vagina and you then you will lose every time, even if the vagina is an ex who cheated on you.

But I'm not lonely. I have a girlfriend and a large family. I'm more concerned about the future. I will eventually lose my girlfriend (due to AWALT) and my family (due to old age). I can see a future where I might be lonely. At that point I might have to make friends, but I doubt I'll end up with any lifelong ones.

[–]Monitorul0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm in the same boat as you, similar age and situation. Look for expat groups and activities or events in English if your city is big enough to support them. Facebook groups and Meetups.com are one way to do it. The most useful ones for me for meeting people were general events (eg wellbeing) rather than just tech/work focused stuff.

I once also lived in a smaller town in a country with an easy to learn local language. I learned the language but it only got me so far as far as "making friends". I see socializing in a local language as more a long term investment, you're building relationships in that language only. I'd rather find people who already speak my language or at least English, you're filtering out for educated and foreigner-friendly people that way anyway. The local language knowledge is more an upgrade for you in your overall lifestyle, personally it didn't move the needle much for me in lasting relationships but I did get into parties and events I wouldn't have gone to otherwise.

[–]AnneStaz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How big is the new city? I'm a digital nomad so I get isolated alot. I'm part of an online mens group focused on daygame/self development and its fucking awesome. About 10 close knit dudes we meet every week and talk throughout the week about our goals and funny shit happening during game.

Try to find something like this I would highly recommend it

[–]reddick10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Question is what do you do to find or make friends? It's time to go about it in an active way. When I was early 20s I basically had no friends. Then I started being more social by going out to meetups or parties and finding like-minded people. This didn't happen overnight, it took a while to find some like-minded people who actually also wanted to be friends.

The key is to try to find some common activities or interests.

[–]_Ulan_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My traveller's advice : Learn the language. As much effort as you put in the gym, even more, but learn it and speak fluently. You're missing out

[–]FemtoG0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

i like my job

i have free time

you are one luck 30s year old you bastard

[–]afuggini0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s all about the purpose buddy. I feel you. Just find your fucking purpose.

[–]wawakaka0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

you are not alone seems to be an epidemic for your generation. party's over bud. my suggestion is find some long term friends because as you get older it will be harder to make freinds. you will be caught in a generation limbo where everyone around you will be a lot younger or a lot older so then no one will understand you.

i'm gen x and i'm surrounded by millenisals and boomers at my work place. none of them understand where i'm coming from.


[–]PINEAPPLE__0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same thing happened to me. Joined the Army out of High school had a solid group of friends and always kept busy but ever since I came back it's been hard to meet new people even though I have a few hobbies and go to the gym everyday. All of them moved on or moved away. My Goal for this year is too meet new people but it's one of the more difficult things in my life.

[–]red_matrix0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A lot of men experience this as they progress through their 30s. You need to find something to do and something to look forward to. Get a motorcycle, go snowboarding, find something you love and do a deep dive. Or work your ass off and land a better expat job in a better location.

[–]dmi_30 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes lonely as fuck

[–]EdvardMunch0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Dude im 32, and I move a lot so I get it.

Its tough to make friends at this age because of the lack of medium to make them. I think this is why big cities are better for guys like us, and get involved in organizations/groups/etc. Especially ones of similar interest.

I think one can enjoy being alone even completely isolated but you have to cut bait in a way. You cant tow the line of both if that makes sense.

[–]Hungboy69694200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yea feel like if you're single in your 30s you need to be in a big city

[–]Hermit410 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe if you didn’t have a skinnypenis 😒

[–]onepill_twopill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get into motorsport if you're interested. Seems like track days are a good way to compare cars and if you see people often enough you can keep meeting up with them

[–]rustytrumbone6660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yes im lonely

[–]creamynebula0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is an excellent sub about learning languages, there is a thread there about discord servers related to language learning, join one and start immersing yourself in the local language, not being able to communicate is the issue here. Kind regards.

[–]mikejah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Try a contact sport or martial art, that's the place where usually you can make new acquaintances to hang out with

[–]Haytch12340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How many hours a week do you work? Do you think your work life is just taking too much time?

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]toughenup20160 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What's AAS?

[–]MarkJohnPaul-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’m not lonely bro, but then again I have friends.

Can you get a dog?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Dogs aren't an option where I live. Also, it'd be irresponsible since I don't know how long I'll be living here and could move to another country this year or the next, never sure.

I'll definitely be getting a dog when I'm settled tho. I love dogs.

[–]MarkJohnPaul4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link


The biggest problem is definitely the language then bro.

I know exactly how it feels because I too have lived abroad.

My advice would be to buckle down and immerse yourself like a mother fuck in the language. See if you can find someone to do a language exchange, then develop a relationship with them from there.

Could add more plates too...

Could always fill the void with objects...go buy some shit...

You could also try to get some action volunteering somewhere...doing something good for others will take your mind off it and clear your loneliness right up

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Second on getting serious about learning the local language

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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