I'll be turning 30 this year and my life is a fucking joke and not a funny one. A sad fucking joke that bombs at open mike night with deafening silence sad kind of joke. I've finally realized that I follow the same fucking pattern of bullshit every fucking time I try to get my shit together

  1. Realize the want or need to change something (job, physique, social skills, etc)
  2. Set a plan to "get there"
  3. Do nothing
  4. Do more nothing
  5. Ask myself why why I'm not taking steps to improve my self/life
  6. Realize I'm not doing anything and going nowhere, get depressed. Depression kills my drive to do anything
  7. Get to such a depressing and mentally torturous and agonizing low that I cant sleep, eat, or really function and finally snap into action.
  8. Throw myself completely a problem throwing everything else to the wind. Basically leaving me friendless and alone with zero hobbies.
  9. Finally see a quantifiable improvement. Start rebuilding friend circle/ social life. Start picking up my hobbies again.
  10. Get too comfortable and start putting my goals on the back burner. My progress grinds to a halt. Reset to number1, rinse and repeat.

I'm so fucking tired of having to get to #7 before I snap into action. I KNOW I could make progress in so many things if I just dedicated a bit of each day to do something productive. I tell my self this, I think about it, It's a rational plan, but I wont do it. I don't understand why I just wont do it; why wont I take a step each day to make my life better? I don't get why I prefer to stay in bed and make my self miserable now and later down the line.

It doesn't matter how many times I read the sidebar, how many self help books I read, how many "life hacks" I try, I cant seem to escape this stupid loop that makes me fucking miserable. If any of you have dealt with this or something similar please leave some advice below. Thanks.