Cold starts

tway01012 · 2014-09-16T22:44:50+00:00

You must force yourself to approach. That is the most important thing right now. You have nerves because you really want something to come of every interaction. Think of approaching as playing.

The way I got over this was to give myself a quota. One approach a day. Then 5 approaches a day. Then change the goal to be getting at least one phone number a day.

In terms of what to say, read the sidebar or check out Chateau Heartiste or others. The fact that you have cold approached is already an indicator of why you're there.

EDIT:

"Hey, saw you staring at me, I'm [name]" "Hi, I'm [name]"

You'll get better and more comfortable as time goes on. You can try to tailor your approaches to the situation, but there's only so much you need/should need to say. The opening line can only get you so far. You need to get comfortable using playful banter and volleying back and forth with women. When it comes to this stage of practising your approach, it's better to embrace failure than inaction. (Try women outside of your social group!)

EDIT 2: As I internalized some of the TRP ideas and got more comfortable in my own skin, I actually found approaching to be fun, even when nothing came of it. Understanding that banter with woman is a social game and not a raw exchange of biographical information really helped me to be more comfortable around women. A couple of months after I started applying TRP principles, a lot of my social circle started calling me a (shameless) flirt and I didn't even realize how different my demeanor had become because I was enjoying the back and forth.

EDIT 3: /u/bobbybluepill is talking about this.

http://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/in-field-videos/nervous-guy-game

It will help you get over approach anxiety, though it has its limitations in the results it will achieve. Worth a try.

bobbybluepill · 2014-09-16T22:43:20+00:00

Google Good Looking Loser Nervous Guy Game. This is probably your best bet.

workdavework · 2014-09-17T09:19:08+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

knechtigerknecht1 · 2014-09-16T23:04:08+00:00

Your opener doesn't matter what matters is the next 10+ minutes of conversation. She will get a read on your SMV by observing your body language, mannerisms and wit.

[deleted] · 2014-09-17T06:01:23+00:00

You are the fucking sun of your life dude, stop acting. You really are a coold dude. Just by knowing this shit you have a layer to your personality that women will never know but are diyng to figure out(never tell the whole story, it's only fun when they don't know it)

Do you have this problem when you aproach random guys?

Because if you find it difficult to start up random conversations with guys at the gym it's just social conditioning amplified by outcome dependence.

Regarding what to say: if you are already engaged in something at your table look back at her and smile.

If she looks away, she is not done. Check back in between 1-5 minutes(this can be 10-20 minutes in a club setting or a wedding)

If she maintains eye contact and smiles, you agnoledge her interest with a hand gesture. Finish of your business (20 seconds at your table) and then walk toward her, at her table melt imediatly into a relaxed position: hi, do you know it's not nice to stare, but who am I kidding you aren't _ in the mood _ to be _ n i c e.(=empahsis, you look into her eyes, you glace slowly and with intent at her most sexualised feature and then go back up to her lips and eyes) If she refracts or is shy about it, complete with Lucky for you(it's your lucky day) (as it happens) I don't like nice girls.(go for the most apropiate phisical escalation) Cut it down and leave your (dating) number if there are time constraints. Step back and make it a instadate if you haven't. 1. Enjoy the interaction. 2. Make it as filthy as her purity ring will allow it.

niczar · 2014-09-17T08:00:53+00:00

There's a very simple method. VERY EASY.

Just start chit chatting with every one when you have the occasion, WITHOUT any intention of picking up. Start with just one sentence, maybe two. If you have nothing to say, just smile. Do that for a month.

Start chatting up old ladies (don't go out of your way, offer to help if you see them struggling or something). Be nice to them. When you talk to young hotties, you can talk to them like you talk to old ladies. "But being nice is wrong!?" Yes it is. But talking to a hottie like you talk to a granny is not nice to the hottie. It's condescending and implies dominance.

[deleted] · 2014-09-16T23:04:25+00:00

Your opener doesn't matter what matters is the next 10+ minutes of conversation. She will get a read on your SMV by observing your body language, mannerisms and wit.

AlphaAsFAQ · 2014-09-17T05:14:53+00:00

deleted

[deleted] · 2014-09-17T15:27:12+00:00

A recent study showed that just saying "Hi, how are you" works better than anything else.

Once that's done, just remember to not pedestal the girl. She's a human, probably just as insecure as anyone else. Probably has lots of personal issues in her life, etc.

Then, just ask normal ass questions like where did they grow up, etc. Here is a great video: http://youtu.be/b-a1jXgAsQI

Additional video: http://youtu.be/Naz1MKbSZWA

frankferri · 2014-09-18T00:22:35+00:00

I suggest you volunteer at a front desk for a waiting room. I spent some time there, and I learnt to start a conversation with anyone. My favorite conversation starters are to comment on something they're wearing, something about the location, or just sit down next to them, wait for eye contact, then say hi. They'll say hi back, and you converse. Make sure to smile at the start of the encounter. If the conversation starts to die ask "where are you from", play a stereotype card, and by then you should have found something you can talk about

Title	Cold starts
Author	knechtigerknecht1
Upvotes	18
Comments	18
Date	September 16, 2014 9:26 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2glkbv/cold_starts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/cold-starts.142186 https://theredarchive.com/post/142186