Concerned about my ex wife's current relationship. Possible domestic violence around my son.

March 28, 2018
6 upvotes

Looking for genuine advice here. My ex and I live in the same city and have shared custody over our 3 year old. For the past year my ex has been seeing a guy off and on. She never shares details about her personal life with me but I am able to put 2 and 2 together over the course of our small conversations.

Although she just refers to him as her "Friend" She has made it known that his guy does martial arts, and roids. Over the past two years I have declined a number of her offers to get back together, so she tries to tell me about guys shes seeing when she is rejected.

My concern is this. Yesterday she went to the hospital from a broken collarbone. She said she fell down the stairs on her way to work, and was alone at the time. She then told me she called 911, but they were taking too long so her "friend" took her to the hospital. She is a compulsive liar and I catch her in lies all the time.

I went over with our son today so she could see him and as we were walking up the stairs I said "is this where you fell? how far down?"

"oh it was like the 3rd or 4th step or something"

First of all, nobody snaps a fucking collarbone in half falling off 3 stairs. There were also railings on each side. Even with your hands tied behind your back nobody is that clumsy.

Secondly, when we were in the house, she showed me where the break was and I got a good look at her shoulder. No scrapes, no inflammation, nothing. She said "I was wearing a jacket thats why theres no marks or anything".

If I was going with my gut I would say she said something to piss this guy off and the injury was caused by something with him. She is a psycho bitch and really knows how to instigate people. She also starts physical fights with people all the time. I could see her attacking this guy and he did something to retaliate and over-did it. I have no idea. Or it could have all been him going through her phone or some shit I have no idea.

Im concerned about my son spending time with her if there is potential for domestic violence. He is not talking alot still so I can't ask him directly, but he should be a good info source(that he is in safe environment, not about her personal life, I don't care what she's doing with her personal time as long as it doesn't endanger him) over the next year or two. I also don't need someone putting my kids mom in the hospital, but if shes dating guys and having serious issues of that nature, its just more of her bad decision making and there ain't much I can do about that.

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Post Information
Title Concerned about my ex wife's current relationship. Possible domestic violence around my son.
Author mycrazyme
Upvotes 6
Comments 12
Date March 28, 2018 11:01 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/concerned-about-my-ex-wifes-current-relationship.126708
https://theredarchive.com/post/126708
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/87wetv/concerned_about_my_ex_wifes_current_relationship/
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Comments

[–]2comment7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Take photos (of the stairwell) and start cataloging and documenting all this including dates, keep any evidence. If your gf is prone to a series of violent boyfriends, you might be able to persaude a court to give you full custody in best interests of the child. Law varies by area, of course.

https://dadsdivorce.com/articles/protecting-children-from-domestic-violence-between-ex-wife-and-her-boyfriend/

[–]mycrazyme[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I already have full custody, however she still has our son a week every month and still takes him a few days here and there. I have also already taken photos of the stairs and documented the conversations we have had about it. Still great advice and I appreciate the input.

[–]BluntMFer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

thanks!

[–]atticusfinch19732 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Also, watch for any changes in your three year old after he has been at their place. Suddenly withdrawn, reacts badly to movement or loud noises etc. Trauma to him will probably be obvious but not necessarily in the form of bruises. And he can talk (I hope) so make sure he knows if there is any problem he can let you know if he’s scared.

[–]mycrazyme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Will definitely keep an eye out for this. thank you.

[–]ArticulateSavage1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need legal advice, brother. There's some good info here in the comments section but legalities vary from one jurisdiction to the next.

You are living one of my worst nightmares. Do what is necessary to protect your son, the one person in the world more important than you.

[–]cookiemountain180 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Isn’t it suspicious that there’s no marks at all? Not that this guy did it because if he did and it was yesterday, she’d have some bruises don’t you think?

[–]mycrazyme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with this as well, I think there would be bruises if he messed with her but I also don't believe that she fell down stairs. I am pretty confident she is lying about that even if this had nothing to do with her guy being abusive.

[–]11-Eleven-110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Shes unreasonable obviously but have you tried possibly explaining that you dont approve of that type of man being around your son? Awful advice, I know, but other than that theres not much you can do unless she slips up and you win full custody.

[–]BlackMisc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

its not a unreasonable fear the chances for child abuse go up drastically when the biological father goes out of the picture.

probably same for woman then. you should try and get your son away from mr roid seems like a bad influence

[–]MisfitPL9-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

its just more of her bad decision making and there ain't much I can do about that.

Simply this. You have no control over your Ex - she is not your repsonsibility. Keep an eye on your son to ensure he is not in danger - this is all you need to worry about

You are still in your exs frame. You are hamstering over her. Why are you asking your son questions about her, and want to use him as source of information in the future?

[–]mycrazyme[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My son will be able to reassure me that he is in a safe environment when he is with her. I don't care what she does in her personal life and I would never ask him about this.

Based on your comment I would assume you do not have children. Caring about their well-being and having concerns who they are around and what they are exposed to is not hamstering. Its called being a parent.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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