Hi, I'm new here. I was in a LTR for 11 years and ended it today, it was a mess for the last 8 months, and it wasn't very good before either. I found out about Red Pill on Valentines day this year. I was googling about male / female attractions, trying to understand what is wrong with my LTR, and why does my GF rejects me sexualy. I found this article: https://www.dangerandplay.com/2014/02/11/fifty-shades-of-grey-sex-asserting-ownership/ Interesting read that was... i started researching more and thats how I got here.
My eyes have opened! This is maybe, the most important experience I have ever had in my life. I knew there is something wrong with these lies they feed us with, I always had that feeling, but I was so blue pilled, that I would sometimes open my eyes just for a second, and then get scared and close them. I continued to live my life as Beta, Provider... a good boy, and oh what a good boy I was...
Why am I writing this? I need your help, to understand what was going on with my LTR for past 11 years. I would like to tell you my story, it's not a FR, but more of a Life Report, cause I was in a LTR for the most of my life, at least the part of my life where I was aware of myself. I will try to be objective, and brutaly honest. I would like if you could tell your opinion about all that happend, you could help me figure out stuff I don't understand, and maybe even learn something from my experience. What I'm really interested is... did I get the Unicorn? And fucking ruined her, just cause i didn't knew how to deal with her and treat her like a man?
She is 33 years old, I'm 32. We meet while studying, we both moved to different city to go to college. We boh come from small towns, and moved to a bigger one to study. Place where she comes from is conservative, everyone is patriotic and everyone 'belives' in God. People there have those conservative values, like... go to church, be a good man, man is a head of the family, no sex before marriage...
Back then, I was 20, she was 21. At that point in my life, I was not looking for anything. I trained MMA, and just wanted to study and train hard. I was shattered and insecure, had no interest in girls, cause I got fucked by another chick, so I went into Monk Mode, even though I didn't knew what Monk Mode was back then. I would see her and her friends at college dining room, and she would flirt with me, giving me looks and smiles. At first I didn't even think she was into me, as I felt she was out of my league. Later I went out with guys and saw here in a bar, and approached her, told her I liked her and wanna get to know her better, and thats how we hook up. I didn't had a game, I was good looking guy, and still am, so I would just come to girls told them I like them and started talking anything and fucking start kissing them when the moment was right. That was my game and it worked really good for me.
So we started dating, and soon I found out she is virgin. 21 year old virgin. Unicorn??? I waited 3 months to have sex with her, but I got it in the end. I don't think I got her cause I was Alpha, no no, I was a Beta for sure back then, and still am. Anyways, she was something special to me, a hot smart girl, that never had sex with anyone, and she was special to me. I just could not understand how could she be virgin since she looks so fucking hot, and guys would hit on her for sure, she was not a slut so I respected that. And she was virgin for sure. We were always together, she was either at my place, or I was at here's place. Less than a year into relationship we started living together. Thats how story started... now lets fast forward it a bit...
We lived together in rented appartment, we had serious relationship, everyone knew about us. I quit studying and started working, though times, living in rented apartment, moving all over the city... its hard to get a good job and stedy income where we come from. Our parents would support us and help out when we would get stuck. But we were together, and relationship was good. We were strugling, but we loved each other, at least thats what I think. Later I got better jobs, at least better paying jobs, back breaking jobs but it was payed well... all this time, she was still studying... basicly doing nothing with her life... That lasted for years... though times... living in rented apartments, no steady income... But everything was good with us, we had great communication, she was supportive and would listen and help me deal with my problems, I did the same for her. But we didn't had sex, it was maybe once a week, when I would ask for sex few times and get frustrated over it... I was really frustrated with sex. I could never understand why, but she didn't want to have sex with me... fast farward again...
8 months ago, I got offered a job at my home town. We sit and talked, and agreed that its better for us to move to a small town, where I can get better, easier, permanent job, and a steady income. She can finish her study from my home town, and find job once she finish here. I had some savings, family helped me with what was missing, and I bought an appartment here. We looked together for appartments, and we made decision together, she choose the apartment, it was not something I did on my own, we were planing al this together.
And then, when life was about to be good. When we had an appartment, steady income, no credits... when we could live easily, with more money than we need, in a small town with no stress... shit started to happen.
Problem NO 1: First, she didn't want to come to my hometown. We agreed to move here, but she was trying to avoid that, she didn't want to move her stuff here... she was thinking about should she move or not... I was in a mess and could not understand her at all. Her mother got seriously ill when this was happening, so I was gentle with her, and thought that she is confused, and she has a feeling she is moving to my town where I will be close to my family, and she will be far away from her family, and all was happening just as her mother got ill, so I had some understanding. But I told her not once, move your shit here, then go home and be home with your mother for as long as you want. We were, I was paying rent for that appartment, and she was avoiding to move. The problem for her, was that she didn't finish her college, didn't had a job, didn't had any skill sets that could make her money, so she had no other option than to move in with me, or go back to parents, and she didn't wanted that either. We were fighting all the time, and one night we were chatting and she told me this: "I would like to stay here, but I can't, I don't wanna go home cause that would be viewed as failiure for me. And you are OK guy, but I don't wanna go to your hometown." I was shocked!!! I was "OK" guy! I was fucking Beta that's what I was! That opened my eyes! I realized right away, that if she "loved" me and was into me, she would pack her shit and come live with me in a cardbox. That was first eye opener!
Problem NO 2: She moved here, but she was making problems all the time. She would start fights. Later I found out that were all shit tests, that I failed one after another. And I don't understand why was she shit testing me that much. There were 101 shit test a day, fucking crazy stuff, that almost made me crazy. Few times, I would fall down on bed and start shaking from all the shit she told me and made me go through. She would say stuff like: "You have a really good income, considering you only finished high school" in a way like she was trying to humiliate me. One night when I was at work she started attacking me that its now easy for me, that I have an appartment, a job, a car... and that I managed to get out of the shit we were in before... like she was jealous that she didn't do anything with her life. I told her that she lives of the money I make, and she lives in an apartment I bought and that I drive her in a car I own, and that there is no need for her to talk that shit... then later i fucked her off and told her yes its my job that I almost broke my back for, and that it was me working wet in the rain and burning in the sun and freezing in the winter to get where I am, and that I bought that apartment and yes its my car and I deserved it with my hard work, in the morning when I got home she apologized and said she didn't knew what happend to her. Those were all mild shit test... there was situations when we would have sex, and she would stop in the middle of the sex, to check her phone, as she was affraid that it will call someone and that someone will hear us having sex, i would tell her fuck the phone and start fucking her, then she would panic and said oh oh its my ovualtion I could get pregnant and run to the bathroom... its like she avoided sex with me... that night she told me I should of put a condom on and that my cock is "disturbing" her, can't find a good word, but she said something like my dick is not pleasent for her without a condom. That was another eye opener. We always had problems with sex, and she didn't want to have sex, and that's my fault cause I didn't knew how to fuck her like a slut, so she didn't liked it. And I was not an alpha so she was not into me, I was just a provider for her, that is not good for sex I guess. I always thought sex should be something natural, that she wants to do with me, like I want to do it with her. But we never had sex. She was just not into me.
The ending... In the end, I told her to pack her shit, and go home, as I can't put up with her shit anymore, she told me she will, but didn't leave, she started studying and reading books. She stayed, and I was cool, few days later we started fighting, and I told her again to pack her shit and go home, as she never ever wanted to be here, and she is not happy here with me, so just gtfo if you are not happy. I told her that I can't put up with her shit anymore, that she is destroying me and I can't handle that anymore. And she did leave. Few days after that she come back, I didn't invite her, and she didn't tell me she will come, she told me 30min before she came here. It was Valentines day and I already discovered Red Pill and read some stuff. She has a long drive to come from home to my hometown, 6 hours, so I told her she can come, spend the night, take her remaining stuff, and go back home early in the morning. She stayed for 3 days in the end, guess she broke my frame, but I wanted to test things I learned here in this short time.
From the moment she come here, I started acting dominant, told her what to do and started fucking her up. She started resisting and she realized what I was doing, she told me, that I changed and that she dosen't like that. I told her I changed through the years and that I'm not that little insecure guy I was 11 years ago when we met. That we both changed and she still thinks of me how I was before. Anyway... i fucked her, but not gently like a Beta I always was, i fucking rammed her... first time i started fucking her, i put it in few times really hard, smacked her ass really hard, took her by the hair, and pushed her head into a pillow, and told her "You are my slut". Then I asked her "What are you?" and she was silent, I then asked her again and she replyed that she is my little slut, then I kept ramming her and told her to look me in the eyes, I grabed her by the neck and placed her head in front of me and told her to open her eyes, she opened her eyes and her eyes guys... her pupils were all over the place, she couldn't look straight... like I was doing some sort of exorcism on her... I was pulling her hair so hard, that I would scream if someone pulled my hair like that, she didn't mind that. Next time we had sex, i again started ramming her hard, then she told me: "stop stop, start touching me", and I fucking stoped, and started touching her, and then in a split second, i realized what she was doing, and that she is ordering me, so i told her to fuck her self and again turned her over and started to ramm her and told her she is my little slut, and she will be my little slut for the rest of her life. asked her will you? she said I will. :) She cum every time we had sex. She was so wet, and I fucked her so hard, that when we finished and went to the bathroom, she told me she thinks she is bleeding, and it was just she was so wet it was dripping out of her pussy... Anyways i fucked her like a savage and she liked it, I never fucked her like that before. Interesting thing is, that she agreed on sex, only when she thought that we will get back together. Later when we were talking, I told her that I don't see us in a LTR anymore, as there was to much shit between us and that I think its not worth it, and the sex was gone... before that, she was asking for it. After I told her we are done as a couple, she didn't want it anymore. Guess she wanted to exchange sex for my commitment.
Then last day, woke up in 5:15AM, worked 12h shift, got home at 20:00h, she got haircut, dyed her hair, shaved her pussy... I was tired as fuck... took a shover, and went to bed... she was there so I wanted to fuck her... she refused me, so I went to sleep, she kept waking me up, telling me she loves me, and wants to try again and stuff, I was sleeping and told her to stop waking me up... then I got message on my phone, and she wanted to see who is that and become jealous and then we started to fight, and then we had a fight and again shit tests, me failing them... I could not take it anymore so I told her that this is not working and that we are over and that she should leave... and thats it, she left and I'm single now.
Now what I want to ask you is this:
Why didn't she want to come live with me in my home town, when we agreed to do so? Is it possible that she found another guy there, so she wasn't sure if it will turn into something or not? And the guy was just fucking her and dumped her later.
Why was she giving me so many shit tests when she got here? Is it possible that she viewed me as a higher value, as in 1 month, i got a way better job and bought appartment. My life turned around for better in short period of time, so maybe she was testing me out to see my value? Sometimes I felt she only wanted to lower my value, maybe she wanted me to become miserable and start worshiping her. Or she just found a Chad and didn't want to move here, and then when she did move she missed Chad's dick and was mad at me for not fucking her as good as Chad? Also, I dont think anyone ever fucked her hard as I was, as she thought she was bleeding, she would have know she is not if she got that before.
Do you guys think, that it is possible, that that girl didn't cheated on me in these 11 years. She was good and supportive, she was taking care of me, and was overall a good girlfriend, the one you can wish for. But we didn't had sex, so I was always thinking she is getting it somewhere else. And I didn't took the Red Pill so I didn't put it on for her. Is it possible, that she didn't take me as a guy to have sex with, and didn't fuck anyone on the side? When we would talk about it, she would always tell me that she was like that for ever, and that her libido is not the same as mine. And when I think about it now, at 21 years old, when everyone was fucking everyone, she was virgin. She had sex with me, only when she was sure I will commit to her. She didn't had sex out of pleasure, she could do that before with other guys. But she did not, she had sex only when she found a guy that will commit to her. And the same thing played now, she wanted to have sex when she thought we are getting back together, as soon as she found out we are not, no sex. So... OK, I was fucking Beta, someone she dosen't have sex with... I get it... Did she get it somwhere else, I dont know... Do you think its possible she didn't fucked someone else?
What to expect from her now? How should I act now? What is your view on all this?
It's a long post, and I didn't even told you everything, will fill the gaps if needed.