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Date rescinded apartment invite after I said I wouldn't hold her purse

November 19, 2017

I had a Tinder date last night, it went pretty well up until the end. I'm 30 and she's 22. She's a stuck-up, wealthy and annoying brat but I didn't mind because all I wanted to do was fuck her. We were making out in the bar up until closing time. I said let's go back to your apartment (it was really close to the bar, mine is a lot further away). She said OK.

I said I'm going to go to the bathroom first, she said she needed to as well. There was only one unisex bathroom in this place. She said "hold my things" offering me her purse and coat. I said "no, I don't do that. There's a table right there, you can set them down and I'll keep an eye on them." Immediately after that she says "Umm I'm going to go home now." It was a really abrupt change in attitude and tone from her from the rest of the night, she'd been playful and cheery the whole night. Obviously this change was onset by what I said. I said OK and walked away.

In the past I've always held women's purses, etc. when they asked me to but I'm tired of doing that. Maybe I'm overly-sensitive as I recover from my beta days, but I just don't want to do it anymore. Obviously if I had held my date's purse last night I would have got into her apartment, but I'm tired of being a bitch just to get some pussy.


EDIT: Just got a "I had a great time last night, thanks" text. Go figure...

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Post Information
Title Date rescinded apartment invite after I said I wouldn't hold her purse
Author dontbedenied
Upvotes 8
Comments 29
Date November 19, 2017 2:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/date-rescinded-apartment-invite-after-i-said-i.118582
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7e0qr1/date_rescinded_apartment_invite_after_i_said_i/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]LiftOrGTF072 points73 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You guys REALLY need to get your heads out of your asses sometimes. Everything went perfect, so what's the deal holding her purse/coat or w/e for 2-3 minutes and finishing the evening how you wanted to.

She wanted her stuff to be in safe hands while she's gone, nothing else. Think about it or do it like you did from now on - up to you. But please don't cry that much next time.

[–]zeussingh-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Depends on how badly you want pussy and how much hit you can take on your pride.

Still there is nothing wrong with holding the purse etc, but it's in the tone of the request, the status of your relationship and your situational awareness. And I am pretty sure all women restroom have places to hang purse/ coats. And as OP cleared it was not polite request.

Should you do that for your wife, sure. For a 22 yr old brat on your first date... Come on... Really?

Your actions in the first few dates sets the tone of the relationship. Every other fuckin chump will think of course it only 2-3 mins, and I get to have sex later... Whats the harm right. To have a mindset to walk away from sex when you don't feel like is a mark of a man and a very hard hit to a woman everyday reality. And most guys don't have the balls to do that. But if you grow a pair to act on it, it will definitely earn respect. Also the text OP got (mentioned in the edit) confirms it.

As I said it's about how much of a pussy you are willing to become to get pussy in return. And even after that... You most probably will not get pussy (well... Not for long)

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock29 points30 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You tried too hard to appear to be not a chump. Did that once. Never again. You could have just laid it down somewhere as you sat next to it. She'll get the 'I'm not a butler' vibe through your actions.

[–]dontbedenied8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, this is true. It's hard to not go Rambo after being a chump for so long. Definitely could have just laid the shit on the table. I'm working on being assertive through my actions rather than through words, could have handled it better last night, obviously.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A remnant of the anger phase that still lingers. What was once a defense mechanism act eventually became a part of your character and you dont realize it. The (over)reaction was necessary in the past to help you reprogram yourself and find a balance because your instincts were founded on lies. Now you have enough experience and skill where that now hinders your growth. Let the hate go, brother.

[–]chachaChad14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You showed her that you’re someone that can’t be trusted even with a little thing. She needed back up for two minutes so she could piss and not get her stuff dirty or stolen. You were so afraid to look like a pussy that you left her hanging. If she can’t trust you with a purse why should she trust you with her pussy.

Honestly, any guy that’s emasculated by holding a purse for few minutes isn’t much of a man to begin with.

[–]RolandTheDickslinger11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with Zeus but at the same time I think you just went too hard into the "jerk" scale. If anyone I know, man or woman, asked me to take their things while they go to the loo, I'd be fine. It's just a small favor. She wasn't asking you to carry her stuff back home. As I see it, it's more about doing a small favor for another human being than being a girl's bitch.

If you disagree, more power to you. The most important thing is to be congruent with ou at you believe in.

[–]TwelvePac4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pretending to be too good to hold a persons things, then constantly thinking about it enough to make a post about it doesn't make you 'cool' or 'alpha'. Get your head out your ass...

It's just holding a purse for 2 minutes goddamn .

EDIT: Don't mean to be rude. I get where you're coming from. Learn from it!

[–]lifeonlockdown3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

The manosphere speaks of the importance of properly "screening" girls, but I think men generally need to take it a step further, especially in today's environment.

The only "screen" a man needs to do on a woman is binary: fuckable or not? (i.e. hot enough, young enough, not dangerous -- not too crazy, not too militant)

Beyond that, the step further, is categorizing.

Once a woman is fuckable (as your tinder date obviously was, otherwise you wouldn't be out with her in the first place), men need to categorize them: ONS, FB, FWB, STR, LTR, and finally, if she's of a caliber worthy of having children with, Marriage (or similar permanent arrangement).

Start the process of categorizing women as soon as you meet them. Watch her personality, behavior, cues that indicate if she's a slut, cues to indicate her morals, her family life, and so on, and so on. ALL women start out in the bottom three categories (ONS, FB, FWB) and must over time EARN their way up the ladder by pleasing you in an ongoing variety of ways. Don't ever come right out and tell them what you're doing, but judge them constantly.

THIS is where you may have gone wrong, OP. You said in your post that this girl was a "stuck-up, annoying brat" and she further drove that impression home with the expectation (without even asking or saying please) that you would serve the little princess by holding her stuff while she went to the restroom. IF you had categorized her properly during the date (my estimation would be ONS or FB level, but no higher), AND you still wanted to fuck her that night, you could have realized that spinning up her hamster by making a political / gender / respect stand on the purse issue would likely open a can of worms that would cost you the lay. No sane man would ever want to LTR or MARRY her bitchy attitude and behavior, but holding / watching her things to facilitate the logistics of getting her back to her apartment and onto her back before any ASD kicks in, seems like a decent low impact trade off. You were standing your ground on a moral issue that had no huge importance in the "business of the evening" that night. She is who she is, and do you want to fuck her or not? Her place in your life is already determined.

Anyway, the calibration process is something every man who takes the red pill must go through. You're now one step closer to being on point.

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, this is what has been running through my head but I haven't been able to piece together. On the one hand I felt pretty good about not letting this woman order me around. On the other hand, dying on that hill wasn't worth not getting laid, considering how low the investment was. Granted if I had known she was going to bail when I said that, I would have just sucked it up and taken her shit. You live and you learn.

[–]Xhaka-Laca7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Never ever hold a woman’s purse. You did good there, the mistake you made was your first sentence “No I don’t do that” this put you in a jerk frame to her.

What you should have done was say “ sure “, and then proceed to tell her to place it on the table/chair right next to you so you can keep a close eye on it OR say “sure” grab it and immediately place it on the chair/table right next to you.

What you have done is said “sure” but done the opposite and not hold it but place it down instead. With that she will understand that you don’t hold purses but can trust that you will look after her stuff.

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great advice, thank you

[–]RedSkeller2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You got a great lesson on how bratty some of these women are. With that being said, other's here gave you some great advice, just suck it up and put it next to you. When in doubt, laugh it off - don't get angry. You pulled a 22 year old brat, not only can you do it again but they're entitled as fuck.

[–]Throwawaysteve1234562 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In case you were wondering, this was the correct response:


[–]Pluglord2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're an idiot

[–]zeussingh5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I get a feeling she would come back... Give it a couple of days... But if not... Move on.

She is most probably a spoiled bitch... Who has never faced such rejection before. So it's a slap in the face

And I think everyone admire a person for talking a stand... So kudos

[–]dontbedenied 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Yeah, maybe she's used to everyone, men in particular, following her orders. I'm not too torn up over it, it felt pretty good to say no, for once. Either way, I'm curious what people think here. Thanks for your feedback.

[–]donttouchmykicks 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

i couldn't disagree more. what the fuck kind of stand is this? why are you both assuming it's a power play? and even if it is, who cares? it's ok to allow the girl to have a little power... you're leading her around all over the place and going to be shoving her head into a pillow while you destroy her cervix later. let her have a goddamn piss lol

i draw the line at money. i've lost dates because i suggested we do half and she wasn't willing. but that's not even about power it's about investing too much too early on (and the fact i'm slightly worried those girls are diggers). but holding a door, holding chairs, giving up my jacket when it's cold, protecting her valuables while she pisses... you're not losing attraction by doing these things. you're not investing too much.

[–]dontbedenied1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I would say that holding a door, giving up your jacket, carrying something heavy is a little different than being barked at "hold my purse" and following that order. Either way, thanks for the feedback.

[–]donttouchmykicks 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

being barked at "hold my purse" and following that order.

you didn't say she barked or said it rudely in your post

[–]dontbedenied1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, now you know.

[–]zeussingh2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Told you she will come around. Now fuck her brains out... She will be craving for that

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This depends on how things were asked. Was it a request or an order? Obviously, you don't take orders, but a request, done politely? Why not?

[–]dontbedenied3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely more of an order. To be honest I could see myself holding something for a different kind of girl if she was sweet and polite, but I’m not going to be bossed around by a brat like this.

[–]thefisherman19614 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Total aspie move.

[–]ihateyouguys1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Powerful advice right here, folks.

[–]Throwawaysteve1234560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think there's a line between not looking like a chump by holding a purse, and also being practical and not letting it bother you at certain times. I think the line to me would be drawn if it was public or not.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

She wasn't trying to make you a little bitch boy. It's something reasonable. Never held a buddy's jacket for a second? What if you asked a guy to hold your laptop case and he said "no, set it on the ground".

[–]HERMANNATOR850 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I know this is month old dead thread but you should have held the purse. What were you even thinking? You obviously didn't want to get laid with that attitude

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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