Idk how else to start this soo.... please hear me out.

I just turned 25 and I literally haven’t made a “new” friend since probably around jr high school (age 15-16?). I haven’t “hung out” with someone where it wasn’t just for sex in probably 5 years. I had one friend whom I had known since childhood but we are no longer friends, haven’t had contact with him in 2 yrs.

Growing up, the majority of my “friends” or the people I hung out with were older than me by 5-10 yrs. I’ve never really had “casual friendships” (which I am assuming is what adult friendships are like since most people now are concerned with their work and family). It was always “ ride or die” type friendships (idk what other term to use) or drug friends (our biggest commonality was drug use)

I want to make this clear: from an outside perspective I look like a totally normal person. I am in good shape, well groomed, hygiene is very high on my list. I DO NOT look like a basement dweller. But I’ve had a lot of shit happen in my life, substance abuse problems (never hard drugs but typical teenage drugs: pot, adderrall, LSD, mushrooms, ecstasy), depression, moved about 15 times growing up. BUT now I want (no... I NEED) to put that behind me.

I am not socially retarded. I come in contact and deal with people problems daily in my work (self employed/service/sales). But I am not sure how to navigate personal/non-business relationships.

I really don’t know how else to explain this. I feel like I have sort of a “serial-killer-esque” personality but I know that I can’t live my entire life by myself. Indulging in hobbies alone can only fulfill someone so much. I need companionship. Thank you for reading.